


Bête Noire

by moonlightsolo



Series: Bête Noire [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blood and Injury, Emotional, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Force-Sensitive Reader, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Redemption, Possessive Kylo Ren, Rough Sex, Semi-Public Sex, Sequel trilogy spoilers, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, apprentice reader, just read and you'll see, kind of???
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:07:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 68,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23864263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonlightsolo/pseuds/moonlightsolo
Summary: As things begin to heat up with the Resistance and the First Order, you slowly get intertwined with the war without realizing. Endure the flashbacks of your early life that lead up to where you are now, captured by the First Order and thought to be dead by the Resistance. Will you ever be able to escape this nightmare?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo/Reader, Kylo Ren/Original Female Character(s), Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Series: Bête Noire [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1719769
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey! so i originally posted this series on tumblr in 2018, but i wanted to branch out a bit. if you want, go ahead and follow me @moonlightsolo !! i appreciate every single one of my readers so much & i really hope you enjoy reading this! xoxo
> 
> ps: the chapters get longer as you keep reading i promise.

**Location: Tuanul, Jakku**

_Tuanul. A dry, rural settlement where Lor San Tekka has taken residence on Jakku. It is, in fact, a spiritual village otherwise known as, ‘The Church of the Force.’_

_You were born on Jakku to two loving parents, something that a lot of kids don’t really have in this galaxy. You loved your village, even if there was some sort of energy stirring among the people, especially in your family. Once, you saw your father make his staff float with just a flick of his hand, but you never asked about it. Yet, you were a curious kid, a very stubborn one too but you never questioned your father about what you saw. This memory of your father will forever play in your head._

—

_It was a hot night on the sandy planet, Jakku. Your curly hair was stuck to your forehead from the sweat that dripped down your skin, not only from the heat but something uneasy was stirring inside of you. Was it that awful, green slop that you had for dinner? No, this was a different feeling. You woke up in a panic, seeing that your mother and father were gone from your shared hut. They would never leave at this hour of the night. You carefully slipped on your boots and changed into clothes that would protect you from the harsh, sandy environment._

_You draped the light colored fabric over your shoulders; you could use it as a cowl to protect your face later on. Thankfully, it wasn’t too windy out so the sand wouldn’t cause as much damage. As you walked out of your family’s hut, you could see something in the distance, it was a ship. An X-Wing? Why would that be here?_

_You looked around to see that none of the villagers were awake, but your mom and dad had fled? Where would they go? You began to walk through the mazes of huts, seeing that Lor San Tekka’s hut was bright and awake. You peeked inside curiously, seeing a dark-haired man with a brown leather jacket on his body. There was also a droid, a BB unit, orange, and white. The Resistance? That's not good._

_You were confused as you stumbled back into the sand so no one would spot you eavesdropping. You saw the droid roll out of the hut and the thing didn’t even pay attention to you!_

_“Thank the stars!” you thought to yourself._

_The droid began to beep and make panic-stricken noises as it rolled back inside of the hut. You saw something up in the night sky; there were distinct beams of lights coming from ships. You scurried out of your seated position to run back to your hut to grab your belongings. You knew something bad was going to happen, you could feel it in the air. You grabbed your rucksack, stuffing all the water canteens you could fit in it and food too, for the journey to wherever you'll end up._

_You heard people panicking, your own heart rate started to rise as you grabbed your goggles and put them over your head to protect your eyes from the harsh elements. You had to survive. You had to run. Now. You spotted a letter on top of your parent’s bed and you grabbed it quickly to stuff it into the pocket of your bag for later. There was no time to read it now. You heard the villages distress bell ringing, your heart leaped out of your chest as you began to make a break for it, hiding behind huts and sliding around as you dodged the enemies blaster bullets, doing all you could to stay out of sight of the stormtroopers._

_The First Order? How are you going to get around them without being spotted?_

_You saw the open tract of vast sand, turning from behind a hut you came face to face with a stormtrooper. You began to hyperventilate, taking one step back. His white and black blaster rifle pointing right at you. You looked at his helmet, it was bloody like someone’s fingers slid across the pristine white surface. Your whole body shook from your adrenaline, feeling tears well up in your eyes from the fear of losing your life._

_They began to lower their blaster, “Go.” You remember him saying. You were taken aback and surprised. You hesitantly nodded before you ran into the infinite field of sand, away from the war behind you. The hairs on the back of your neck stood up, feeling an unseen force tug you, almost persuading you to go back but you kept on going. No matter how hard it was to pull away._

_You heard an explosion behind you, turning to see the fire rise in the sky from your village burning up. It’s followed by blood-curdling screams and more blaster shots that echoed from the village. Tears ran from your eyes as you kept running until all your muscles screamed for a chance to rest._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the day after your village on Jakku was slaughtered by the First Order. You trekked through the sandy hills of the hot planet and you finally stumble upon shelter, seeking protection in it from the harsh environment outside. But, you were not aware that it belongs to somebody else.

Location unknown, Jakku

The sand whipped against your skin. You could feel it in your mouth, behind your ears, under your clothes, in every little crevice it could possibly reach. It was a horrible, scratchy feeling. It was the day after you escaped the massacre of your village.

All you could see was sand, sand and more sand. There was no way to escape it. Unfortunately, you almost finished the last of your water, trying to save the little bit swirling around in the bottom until you couldn’t bear to feel your dry, sandy mouth anymore.

A few more hours passed, the hot sun beats down on you. You thought you were going to die, to shrivel up and turn into dry bones in the middle of this desert. Looking up at the position of the sun to tell the time, it had just turned afternoon, when the sun is at its hottest. You collapsed, dry heaving as you sucked in even more sand.

You rolled over onto your back, grabbing your water canteen out of your rucksack to chug the rest. You grimaced from the sand scratching your throat. You grabbed the note your parents left you, hands shaking as you hold it up to read.

-

To our little star,

We didn’t want to leave you. We feared of the worst and we both could feel it. Your father and I wanted to bring you with us but we knew that we couldn’t. You are a strong person, Y/N. We love you so much and we know you can make it without us.

Love,

Ma and Pa.

-

You could feel tears running down your cheeks, making little tracks through your dry skin. “I can’t do this without you,” you mumbled as your body was wracked with sadness and fear. “But I know that I can’t die out here,” you told yourself, huffing as more tears slid down your face.

You got yourself up, wiping your tears off your face, treading a few more miles in the infinite sand until you see something in the distance. A toppled over AT-AT walker. The pace of your feet began to pick up, jogging desperately and hoping that there was some sort of anything in there. Once you had reached it, you climbed into the open compartment, a former trooper compartment.

Your head ducked down so you wouldn’t hit it against the ceiling as your eyes scanned the small area to see a makeshift bed, a small cooking area, a pile of scavenged parts and water! You quickly scurried up to it, dropping to your knees which collided with the worn metal, a loud ‘clunk’ sound echoing in the small area.

Your hands quickly unscrewed the canteen, gulping down the remnants of the water inside and finished with a satisfied, “Aah.” You grabbed a piece of odd-looking fruit sitting next to the water, taking a bite to just get something in your system. It was disgusting but it was still something. You laid your sandy body on the bed, resting your eyes until you fell asleep.

Pain is what woke you up out of your deep slumber. A stinging pain that remained under your skin, a small yelp leaving your lips. Your hand grabbed the burning spot on your thigh, sitting up from your position on the bed, seeing a woman standing above you.

Her brunette hair was tied back in three buns, there was tattered beige cloth hanging off of her body, cropped pants and a belt that had a holster connected to it. In her hands was a quarterstaff, holding the weapon so the wooden end was in your face, ready to strike again at any moment.

“Who are you? Why are you here?” The woman questioned with her thick accented voice, her eyebrows were knitted together and her teeth were gritted tightly with anger. “Woah, woah!” You put your hands up in surrender, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry. Just listen to me... I am a part of a village named Tuanul. The first order invaded my home. I traveled all the way from there, for who knows how long, I just needed to rest. Please don’t hurt me.” You pleaded gently, not wanting to upset her even more. Her facial features softened, her stance falling back as she lowered her weapon.

She gave you a small, curt nod and backed up a bit. “My name is Rey. Just so you know. And I would like if you would get off of my bed, please.” Rey requested, which made you scurry off muttering a sorry as you got up.

Rey traded places with you, sitting down as she rested for a moment. ”Thank you,” Rey told you, a smile following. “I’m Y/N.” You told her with a cautious voice.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. You can stay with me for a bit but I would like if you would go your own way after you’ve rested up.” Rey requested, closing her eyes and her posture slacked, relaxing for a few moments longer. You focused your gaze on the ground, leaning against the metal wall of the AT-AT walker and your own eyes began to fall shut once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i'm not sure if i am posting this correctly. hopefully i am. anyways, i hope ur liking it so far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new friend has come into your life, Rey, a scavenger from Jakku. She let you rest with her in her makeshift-home after a long journey from your village. While traveling with Rey to Nima Outpost, you come across something that you reminds you of what happened the night before. You overcome fears that you never knew you had and do things you never knew you could do. Unfortunately, the First Order makes an appearance again.

_All of a sudden Rey stood up, the quick movement waking you up from her stomps. She looked down at you before she grabbed her staff that was leaning on the wall and ducked out of the AT-AT. “You’re welcome to follow!” She calls out to you which made you jump to your feet and follow her into the sandy environment once again. You pull your cowl over your head once again, your goggles hanging around your neck as you followed Rey._

_”Where are you going?” You called out to her, no sign of stopping, ”The Nima Outpost. I got to get my speeder first.” Rey replied to you. You shrugged your shoulders to yourself, at least she knew where she was going right? You had no idea where you are._

_A few minutes of trudging through the golden sand, you both come across a Teedo riding a muscular creature. Inside of a net that was hanging off of the odd creature was a droid, a BB unit, the same droid from your village!_

_”Tal’ama parqual!” Rey called out in a language you couldn’t understand. You watched as the thief’s motions ceased at the sound of her voice. The droid turning to look as well. Rey and the Teedo bantered in a different language, the droid beeping out rude things which just made matters worse. Rey cut the droid free and fixed its antennae, you watched this happen from the side._

_Rey had told the droid to leave but the droid insisted on following you and Rey. She gave you a disapproving look, and you just shrugged your shoulders. Rey groaned loudly as she stomped the rest of the way to her speeder, loading the droid in the net. You sat behind her as she sped off towards the outpost._

_You and the droid had a small conversation on the way, introducing yourselves to each other. The droid was known as BB-8. He was part of the Resistance and he was on a classified mission with his master. Curiosity struck you. The mission had to do with your village, didn’t it? His master must be the man with the leather jacket._

_All three of you came up onto the bustling outpost after dismounting the speeder. Your feet halted for a moment but Rey continued as she turned and weaved through the various groups of people. This place was full of different kinds of races and species. You and the droid began to follow until you got to a stand._

_Rey laid out a bunch of scavenged parts in front of a man, a little sign that was eroded read, ‘Unkar Plutt. Trade dealer’ was carved into the wooden sign in sloppy handwriting. You could tell by the way he looked, swollen and pink, that he was a member of the Crolute species._

_You couldn’t help but eavesdrop on their conversation, “What about the droid?” The Crolute asks, ”What about him?” Rey’s head looking down at it beside her._

_”I’ll pay for him. Sixty portions.” He growled, slamming down the bags of portions on the counter. Rey looks like she is about to take the offer, ”don’t do it.” you butted into the deal and reached your hand out to touch her shoulder._

_Rey realized what she was going to do, backing up and shaking her head. ”Actually, the droid’s not for sale.” Rey sighed, grabbing the original portion bags he gave her for the parts. She walked away, BB-8 trailing her and you after him._

_As you, the droid and Rey began back to her speeder, you felt a disturbance rise inside of you. Danger. In the corner of your eyes you saw movement. There they were, scavengers in desert garb running up to all three of you._

_”Hey!” You yelled out then arms wrap around your waist, pinning your arms and began to drag you away. You struggled as you heard Rey’s voice, ”What? Oi, get off them!!” She yelped out. You couldn’t move your arms or get out of their restraints. You began to panic. Your legs kicked out and collided with one of the thieves that were coming at you._

_The contact made your adrenaline rise. Your elbow came in contact with the thieves groin, a groan of pain being heard and their grip loosened. Your body slid out of its arms, pushing them to the ground. Kicking them once more for the hell of it before Rey came over to you. ”You okay?” she asked, you nodded your head and looked at the thieves scurrying away. Did you just do that?_

_BB-8 began to make beeps saying that he saw another thief, one who stole his master’s jacket. ”Where?” Rey asked the droid, she squinted her eyes as she spotted him. She ran at him full force as you tried your hardest to keep up with her insane amount of stamina. Rey took a shortcut and cut in front of the man, hitting him with her staff. He wore the same leather jacket that the Resistance pilot when he was in your village. ”What’s your hurry, thief?” Rey barked out._

_Your eyebrows furrowed in anger, “Where did you get that jacket?” You hissed at him, his eyes darting from the droid to Rey and then to you. “Hey, I know you! Ow!” He exclaimed, BB-8 zapping him in the leg. “The jacket. The droid says you stole it.” Rey added, the man looking between all three of you still. “I’ve had a pretty messed up day, all right? So I’d appreciate it… if you stop accusing me of… Ow! Stop it!” The man was zapped by the droid again._

_“Well, where did you get it? He said it belongs to his master.” Rey gritted her teeth, looking the same way as she did when she discovered you in her bunk. “It belonged to Poe Dameron. That was his name, right? He was captured by the First Order. I helped him escape, but our ship crashed... Poe didn’t make it. I tried to help him. I’m sorry.” The man says, sighing out. You watched him on the ground, putting everything together. If you stayed in your village, would you have been captured along side of Poe Dameron? Or would you have been slaughtered with the rest of your people._

_“How do you know me?” You asked, the man’s eyes darting away from yours. “Did I say that? Oh, I don’t know what I was saying. Sorry.” He mumbled but he didn’t seem like a good liar. He stood up and continued talking to Rey._

_There it was. That sound. You've heard it before you just don’t know where. A loud screech that flew through the air. You saw that the man noticed it, grabbing Rey’s hand and tugging her along. TIE Fighters flew over the outpost. You ran after them, hearing Rey bicker with him about grabbing her hand. Your heart rate picked up as you ran, sweat trailing down your brow as you ran behind them._

_A fighter was seen up ahead, shooting at them which made the man and Rey’s body fly backward and collide with the sand. You gasped loudly, running as fast as you could to see if they were okay. Before you even made it to them, Rey was up and tapping the man’s face to get up. They began to run again, you ran after them as fast as you could. The quad jumper they were running towards blew up, caused by another fighter shooting it. It made them halt then turn and go towards another ship._

_You got inside, not knowing who to follow until Rey’s voice called out. “I need a co-pilot!! Y/N! Up here with me!” She yelled from the cockpit. Your footsteps echoed on the metal floor, sitting in the seat and strapping yourself in. “I don’t know how to fly!” Your voice was panicked as Rey flicked on buttons, rising the ship into the air but ended up dragging the side of it into the sandy ground and destroying a building. ”Go!” You yelped, seeing Unkar Plutt raise his hands in anger. You quickly flipped him off through the cockpit window, a cocky grin on your face._

_The TIE Fighters chased after you, the man blew them up until Rey flew the ship into a crashed star destroyer to get cover. You heard the tracking alarm beep from the TIE pilot locking onto the ship you’re in. ”Rey!” You closed your eyes, preparing for the blast. She took a sharp turn into an open field._

_”Get ready!” Rey screamed, powering down the engines. The ship dropped from the sky, turning upside down. It felt like your stomach was going to hurl. You heard the cannon shoot, an explosion of the last pursuing TIE fighter followed. ”WHOO!” You heard him howl, ”Yes!” You screamed excitedly with a giant smile._

_Rey pulled the ship up into space, getting ready for hyperspace but the ship‘s alarm went off. You heard Rey and Finn panicking. As quick as you could, you ran to see the problem._

_“The floor is smoking?!” You questioned, “I’m aware!” Rey replied as she dropped into the open floor. You would have helped her but you don’t have much skills in fixing mechanical things since there wasn’t anything like this on Tuanul._

_Rey’s alarmed voice snapped you out of your thoughts, “It’s the motivator.” She began to demand things from Finn as you stood back and watched. He didn't know what she needed and she was getting frustrated. You hoped that you all wouldn’t die because they all have come so far to die by poisonous gas._

_Thankfully, Rey fixed it. But more trouble was coming your way. The ship’s controls were wiped, unable to move as it was sucked into a hangar. Finn thought it was the First Order again as you all climbed underneath the ship’s floor where Rey was. She tried to reverse what she fixed, ordering you to put on gas masks so the poison would kill the intruders. She wasn’t quick enough. A Wookie pulled the grates up, an older man standing there with his blaster pointed at the three of you._

_Han Solo._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You, Rey, and Finn managed to escaped the First Order on Jakku. While in space, a man named Han Solo, and a Wookiee named Chewbacca, come across the ship you are on. Han and Chewie bring you to Takodana to meet a woman named, Maz Kanata. The First Order invades the planet of Takodana and you fight back against the stormtroopers as much as you can. After the battle, you meet General Leia Organa.

**Mid Rim, Takodana**

_All your life you lived on the remote desert planet known as Jakku. When Han Solo brought you, Rey and Finn to Takodana you all didn’t know that there was so much green in the galaxy. Rey even said so herself._

_Once the Millennium Falcon had landed safely, Rey ran out of the ship like an excited kid, the droid following and you too. You saw Rey standing there, her back towards you as she overlooked the lake and the stone castle with the sun beating down on her face. “It’s so pretty, isn’t it?” You asked softly with a smile and she nodded her head._

_“It smells so fresh. If that even makes sense.” Rey laughed and shook her head._

_Han exited the ship, coming up to both of you with two small blasters in his hands._ _“You might need these.” Han’s hands came up to show you and Rey the blasters._

_You carefully took it from his hands. “I think I can handle myself,” Rey said a bit arrogantly._

_“I know you do. That’s why I’m giving it to you. Take it.” Han insisted, pushing the blaster closer to her. You thanked him, leaving them both to talk as you walked back into the Falcon to check up on Finn and Chewie._

_“Need any help?” You offered Finn who was dropping things he was trying to carry, loud clangs echoed from the metal objects falling._

_“Uh… Um, yes please.” Finn stumbled over his words which made you smile. “No problem.” You mumbled, grabbing some of the objects in his hands and began to put them away. Chewie grunted and made a motion with his hand for you to follow him outside of the ship and you obliged. You saw Rey and Han in a deep conversation then he began to lead everyone to the castle on a path, your footsteps crunched from the dirt and grass beneath your feet._

_“Solo, why are we here again?” Finn asked him, “To get your droid on a clean ship.” Han replied,_

_“Clean?” Rey questioned him. “You think it was luck that Chewie and I found the Falcon? If we can find it on our scanners the First Order’s not far behind. Wanna get BB-8 to the Resistance? Maz Kanata’s our best bet.” Han’s pace picked up, trying to get to the castle quicker._

_“We can trust her, right?” You asked him._

_“Relax, kid. She’s run this watering hole for a thousand years. Maz is a bit of an acquired taste… so let me do the talking. And whatever you do, don’t stare.” He informed as you all came up to the entrance._

_“At what?” The three of you said in unison, “Any of it.” Han retorted. You could hear the mellow music from behind the door. When the door opened it was a blast of noise to your ears and definitely an odd smell too._

_Han walked inside, motioning with his hand for all of you to follow. Hesitatingly, you took a step forward with Rey and Finn following. You looked around the busy joint, noticing all of the different species and races._

_“Han Solo!” A small orange lady exclaimed loud, making the whole place go silent. You could feel the the the heat rising up your neck to settle on your cheeks as everyone stared at your group. Han began to walk up to her, “Oh, boy… Hey, Maz.” The orange lady walked up to your group as well._

_“Where’s my boyfriend?” She asked, your eyebrows rose in surprise as you looked at Solo for an answer. “Chewie’s working on the Falcon.” Han chuckled, shaking his head._

_“I like that Wookiee. I assume you need something. Desperately. Let’s get to it.” Maz declared, turning on her heel and walked to a table. With her hand she motioned for everyone to sit down and of course, everyone complied._

_Han quietly explained everything, the map to Skywalker, how BB-8 had a piece to it, everything. “A map. To Skywalker himself? You are right back in the mess.” Maz pointed out, shaking her head in disbelief. You continued to eat the delicious food laid out on the table._

_“Maz, I need you to get this droid to Leia.”_ _Leia? Who is Leia?_

_“Hmm… No. You’ve been running away from this fight for too long. Han. Go home.” Maz demanded softly, “Leia doesn’t wanna see me.” Han sighed._

_In the corner of your eye, you saw Finn fidgeting in his seat impatiently. “Please, we came here for your help.” Finn pleaded, “What fight?” Rey asked. It was almost like you were supposed to question the woman in front of you, but you had no questions._

_“The only fight. Against the dark side. Through the ages… I’ve seen evil take many forms. The Sith. The Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow is spreading across the galaxy. We must face them. Fight them. All of us.” Maz told all of you._

_“There is no fight against the First Order. Not one we can win. Look around. There’s no chance we haven’t been recognized already. I bet you the First Order is on their way right–…” Finn stops mid-sentence when Maz began to climb onto the table towards him, adjusting her glasses on her face as she got closer and knocked glasses and food off of the table._

_“What’s this? What are you doing? Solo, what is she doing?” Finn panicked, his body tensing up. “I don’t know. But it ain’t good.” Han sat back and watched the scene unfold ahead._ _“If you live long enough you see the same eyes in different people. I’m looking at the eyes of a man who wants to run.” Maz whispered to Finn, his face showing pain and hurt._

_“You don’t know a thing about me. Where I’m from. We all need to run. What I’ve seen. You don’t know the First Order like I do. They’ll slaughter us. We all need to run.” Finn’s voice was stern. You were taken aback by the tone of his voice. “Hmm. You see those two? They’ll trade work for transportation… to the Outer Rim. There, you can disappear.” Maz pointed to some people playing a game in a corner. Finn got up and began to walk over to them with Rey following after quickly. You didn’t want to follow him too, knowing that Finn probably went through some pretty bad stuff. He needs space. Literally._

_“Who are they?” Maz questioned and Han talked with her for a while about all that has happened. When he came across the Falcon with Rey, Finn and you inside. How the rathtars escaped. Before he got up, he patted your shoulder, signaling that the dinner was over and it was time to go. In the corner of your eye, you could see Finn leaving. You smiled at Maz, “it was nice to meet you.” You told her as you got up. Your eyes searched around the place, looking for the droid and Rey but they were nowhere to be found. Chewie entered to find you both, questioning where everyone went to. Han just blew it off and walked around the castle, greeting some old friends. (At least you thought they were)._

_A loud rumble startled you, the tables and glasses shook from it. Chewie growled loudly as everyone began to flood outside to see what was going on. You peered up into the blue sky to spot red beams and planets that had exploded, a cold fear ran through you._

_“It was the Republic!” Finn was running up to you, Han and Chewie. “The First Order, they’ve done it… Where’s Rey?” Finn asked, his chest rising and falling. “Han, do you know where she could have went?” You questioned, anxiety started to swell in your chest._

_“No, I haven’t seen her since she went after you.” He pointed towards Finn. “Let’s find Maz,” Han suggested, pushing through the large group of people to go back inside with Chewie and Finn following. “I’ll stay here! I guess...” You sighed, plopping on the hard dirt ground to wait for them to come back._

_The sound of First Order TIE Fighters and ships broke your slightly relaxed state, “Oh no..” You mumbled and jumped to your feet with your hands fumbling to grab ahold of the blaster Han gave you. You remembered the pointers he told you, switching the safety off and held it towards the ground so you wouldn’t shoot anybody unless you had to._

_The fighters began to destroy the castle with blasts, making it collapse. You yelped, diving out of the way of falling debris and began to run from the scene so you wouldn’t get smashed by the rocks. Oh no, they're still inside._

_Stormtroopers began to flood the area, shooting at the people and especially at you too. You lifted your hand to point at the troopers and shoot. You missed but shot again and hit one of them. A gasp left your lips, looking at the blaster in your hand. You just shot somebody._

_You began to defend yourself, shooting the other troopers with precision until more swarmed in and you couldn’t hold them off anymore. With your head ducked, you ran back towards the collapsed building to find Chewie and Han shooting at troopers._

_Chewie grunted loudly at the sight of you to inform Han. You began to clear out the troopers with them until there was enough room for you to climb up to them. You jumped and scrambled up the collapsed castle as you dodged the red bolts that were shot at you._

_You got behind a wall with Han and Chewie, taking a breath as you continued to shoot the troopers. Han used Chewies blaster to clear out the remaining troopers, spotting Finn in trouble you all ran to his aid. Han shot the trooper about to strike Finn then went to help him up off of the ground._

_“Don’t move!” A stormtroopers flat voice boomed behind you as more circled around your group. You felt so terrified but you stood your ground since you didn’t want to come off as weak, the troopers would use that to an advantage._

_“TK-338, we have targets in custody.” One of the troopers spoke as the others began to take your weapons. They forced your hands on the back of your head, a blaster nudged your back to make you move forward and follow the others. You complied, stopping when you heard the troopers panic and flee to take cover._

_“It’s the Resistance,” Han mumbled, hearing the sound of X-Wings in the distance made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. The ships began to pick off the stormtroopers and TIE Fighters, explosions were right above your head then; One, a stormtrooper was shot. Two, another!!_

_“Quick.” Han motioned, darting across the rubble to grab everyone’s weapons from the dead stormtroopers. You began to shoot at them again, hiding behind a fallen rock to give yourself some protection. You didn’t really need it since a Resistance pilot started to shoot all the stormtroopers around you until they were all falling back from the scene. "That's one hell of a pilot!" Finn yells proudly._

_In the distance you saw Rey being carried by a man in a mask, dressed in all black. “No, no!” You screamed, about to run towards them with Finn but Chewie grabbed ahold of your body. You kicked and thrashed in his hold but he didn’t budge, only growled at you to stop. “Let me go! No! Rey!” You screamed, tears in your eyes. She was your first friend, you couldn’t help her or find her to prevent it. You felt like you let her down. Your blurred vision tracked the ship as it lifted from the ground._

_Chewie let you go as a Resistance ship landed behind them, you fell into a heap on the soil. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, sniffling and watching the First Order ship disappear from your sight._

_Han helped you up, giving you a soft pat on your back as you all walked up to the ship. Resistance soldiers came out than a woman who made eye contact with Han. Is this Leia? A golden droid cut in front of them, “Goodness! Han Solo!” His nasally robotic voice spoke, “It is I, C-3PO.” He began to ramble about his new red arm. He finally left them two alone, you backed up slightly to give them privacy as they talked. You could feel the tension in the air._

_Chewie was beside you before he walked up to the woman to give her a hug, chattering about something in his language before heading onto the ship behind them. Han and the lady talked for a bit more until he motioned for you go over to them. A nervous expression must’ve been plastered on your face from the look he gave you and the small laugh that came from the woman. You hesitatingly walked up to them both, standing beside Han._

_“Hello, Y/N. I’ve heard so much about you already. Good things, I promise.” The woman joked, “I’m General Leia Organa but please, just call me Leia.” Leia extended her hand and you took it with no hesitation. “Welcome to the Resistance.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle on Takodana, you went to D’Qar with the Resistance. You found your place and it wasn’t in battle. After Rey was captured, Han, Finn and Chewbacca went to aid her in escaping. It’s now a few days after the Starkiller Base was destroyed and Rey parted ways to go find Luke Skywalker, Jedi Master. The First Order is on their way to D’Qar to destroy the Resistance base.

**3 days after the starkiller base was destroyed**

_The Resistance had just evacuated the planet of D’Qar, their home, because of the First Order. The Resistance thought they had gained power over them, but they thought wrong. After the First Order destroyed Hosnian Prime, capital planet of the New Republic, and countless other planets in the Hosnian system. General Leia Organa sent a reconnaissance team to locate the superweapon, known as the Starkiller Base, that caused the mass destruction._

_The First Order tracked the team back to the Resistance base on D’Qar. The weapon was aimed at the base but fortunately, a group from the Resistance helped save the planet for the time being by blowing up the infamous Starkiller Base._

-

_You were taken in by the Resistance while on Takodana after the battle. Over the course of a few days and as much as Leia’s free time could give, you and Leia formed a bond. You poured your heart out to her. You had already met Han Solo and Chewbacca on the Millenium Falcon when things went awry._

_When Rey returned to D’Qar after the base was destroyed, Finn was injured badly, she needed a shoulder to lean on. A friend. She told you about the man who captured her who is known as Kylo Ren. She also told you how she injured him in a lightsaber duel. He is Leia’s and Han’s, son, born as Ben Solo. She also discovered that she could use the Force and informed you about what happened to Han._

_You were in disbelief, shocked and grief-stricken, you still could remember the smell of worn leather from the hug he gave you before he left with Chewie and Finn to go save Rey. You have never hated a person more. Especially before you met them and you definitely didn’t want to come across the man known as, Kylo Ren._

_You had also met the Resistance soldier with the leather jacket right after the battle on Takodana. He was the pilot at your village and you heard his side of the story too. His name is Poe Dameron, the best Resistance fighter pilot also known as Black Leader._

_When he met you, he gave you a hug and said, ”I wish I could have saved your people. I’m sorry.” You replied to him, ”Nobody could stop it from happening, we were both outnumbered.” Poe and you also grew a friendship, a closer one than Leia and Rey. He felt the need to protect you and to help you, even with the stupidest things like tying the laces on your boots when you almost tripped over them._

_The day after Rey came back after the Starkiller Base being destroyed, she had to leave to go find Luke Skywalker with Chewbacca by her side. You bid your goodbyes to them both, wishing them safe travels and even Chewie gave you a giant, furry hug that followed Rey’s hug too._

_Soon after that, General Leia Organa went into orbit around D’Qar and commanded that the Resistance base would be evacuated and their fleet would join her on the Resistance cruiser, the Raddus. You were already up there with her, watching from the bridge window as First Order Star Destroyers and a dreadnought dropped from hyperspace._

_Poe was in his X-wing with BB-8, buying the Resistance some more time to escape and you hoped that he would come back to you. You stood there, spacing out as your eyes stared out into the vast black space. Leia yelled commands to the chaotic group of people around her but you just tuned them out._

_From a distance, you could see as Poe’s ship accelerated quickly towards the dreadnought, picking off its service cannons. You watched in fright and amazement from Poe’s pilot skills. The dreadnought opened fire on the base immediately once Poe began to fire even though everyone had evacuated D’Qar already._

_Your head turned around to watch her as she spoke, ”You did it, Poe.” Leia spoke to Poe, ”Now get your squad back here so we can get out of this place.” You saw Leia’s facial features furrow in annoyance from Poe’s voice, ”Disengage now, Commander. That’s an order.” Leia threatened, grumbling obscenities under her breath as she was completely ignored by him._

_C-3PO, the golden droid, hesitated to speak as his head turned to look between you and Leia. ”Wipe that nervous look off of your face 3PO, ” Leia grumbled, ”Well, I’ll certainly try, General.” He replied in his robotic voice. ”That stubborn fly-boy.” You sighed, shaking your head._

_The Resistance bombers moved in, TIE Fighters blowing them up and making them collide into one another which caused a train reaction. You watched in horror as the last bomber ship let the bombs go and plunged into the explosion below too. The dreadnought is down._

_General Leia was sitting down now watching the screen that showed all the fallen ships, half the fleet was gone. You felt a knot rise in your throat, tears threatening to spill as you lost your new friends. Your hand rested on Leia’s shoulder as you took a moment of silence to remember those lost. The chaos around calming down as the rest of the fleet came back._

_The whole ship jolted as it jumped to hyperspace, a burning fury coursing through your veins. That kriffing pilot. ”I’ll be back.” You told Leia sternly, walking out of the bridge of the ship and down the corridor towards the hangar. Your feet stomped angrily, spotting a leaking Finn who must have awakened._

_”Finn!” You exclaimed surprisingly at him, seeing his head turn towards you until Poe ran up to him with BB-8. There’s the man of the hour, just who wanted to see. “Let’s get you dressed… I bet you have a million of questions.” You heard Poe say as he began to lead Finn to his dwellings._

_“Where’s Rey?” Finn asked, you were about to reply but Poe had to interrupt you then you snapped your open mouth shut. “She went to go find Luke with the help of Chewie. She needs to bring him back to the Resistance, Leia needs him. We need him.” Poe explained, his brown eyes looking at you then averted his attention back to Finn._

_“Let me get him dressed and we’ll talk,” Poe said to you, his soft voice calming you down slightly– No! You can’t let that happen, you have to remain angry at him._

_Dameron led Finn to get dressed, stepping out of the room to give him privacy. Your hand came up and slapped him on his face. Hard. “You idiot. You got half of the fleet killed! What were you thinking?!” You yelled at him, your voice slowly coming down to a stern whisper as people began to look. “Ow? You slapped me? What the kriff, Y/N.” He said with a surprised tone, a dumb look on his face. A cute dumb face. Snap out of it!_

_“You deserved it.” You huffed angrily and avoided eye contact with your arms crossed over your chest. “Yes, taking down a dreadnought is a big deal. But we lost people.” You sighed out, starting to regret slapping him._

_Poe nodded in agreement, his arms coming to wrap around your frame. “I know. I feel horrible, but it needed to be done… Dreadnoughts are fleet killers and you know it.” Poe mumbled as he rested his chin on top of your head._

_“Let’s go see, Leia.” He slowly pulled away, kissing the top of your head as one of his arms stayed around your shoulders. Poe guided you to the bridge of the ship to find Leia, the ship left hyperspace which made everything shake. Finn and BB-8 followed you and Poe._

-

_Poe sighed shakily, letting go of you to walk up to Leia hesitatingly. When Leia spotted him, she marched in front of him and slapped him hard against his cheek. Your mouth dropped, cupping your hand over it in shock. “You’re demoted.” She simply stated and walked away._

_“What? Wait! I’ve been slapped today already, you know. I didn’t need that.” He gave you a small side-eye glare. “We took down a dreadnought.”_

_“At what cost?” Leia retorted coldly. You watched them bicker back and forth, watching Finn look at the maps. “We really are nowhere.“ He mumbled, shaking his head._

_The ships alerts began to go off, your eyes looking around. The rumble of ships dropping out of hyperspace is what startled you the most, “Proximity alert!” Admiral Ackbar screamed. “Impossible.” You said in unison with Poe. There they were, Star Destroyers and The Supremacy._

_Poe began to run towards the exit and you began to follow with BB-8 in tow. You saw the droid roll past you both into the hangar, stopping dead in your tracks as you entered the hangar. You felt that same feeling inside you from when the First Order killed your village._

_“Poe, wa-!” Your voice cut off from the explosions up ahead, the force sent Poe flying backward and your body slamming into the wall behind you, hitting your head hard and fell to the ground beside him._

_Your ears were ringing. Your brain felt like jelly. There was a pain in your temples, a wet feeling that flooded your nose and lips._

_With blurry vision, you opened your eyes to inspect your fingers that touched it. Blood. Around you was shrapnel from the explosion of the hangar. Tilting your head up slightly, you saw movement._

_There were Poe and Finn in front of you on their knees trying to wake you up. The corners of your eyes were slowly fading into black that was taking over your vision. Their mouths were moving, but you couldn’t hear anything except that horrible ringing. Poe’s arms tucked themselves behind your knees and under your neck as he picked you up bridal style. The last thing you remember seeing was Poe’s lips saying, ”Everything will be okay,” as he ran towards the medical ward._

_Poe carried your slack body, running with BB-8 behind him. He just wanted to make sure you were okay. “She needs a medic!” He demanded. “Poe?” A woman said with a confused face, running up to him. “Here let’s get her on the table.” She pulled a metal rolling table close to him as he laid you down gently._

_“There was an explosion. The First Order.. I was blown back too but she hit her head pretty hard.” Poe explained as the medic opened your eyes to shine a light in them to check your pupils. “She has a concussion.” She said, pressing gauze to the blood coming out of your nose to clean it up. “Did she hit her nose?” She asked, eyes looking up at Poe._

_“Uh. I don’t know, I didn’t see.” Poe scratched the back of his head out of nervous habit, a cough emitted from your body as you woke up. “Ow. Damn it.” You groaned, your hand coming up to rest on your aching forehead. Another explosion rocked the ship, making you sit straight up._

_“Leia.” You gasped, sliding off of the table even with the protests of the medic and Poe. Your balance was off and it felt like the room was spinning as you walked into the hallway to try and run towards the bridge of the ship but you stumbled into the wall._

_“We need to get to Leia.” You mumbled, your hand rubbing your head as Poe came up behind you. “Why? What’s wrong?” He asked with a concerned tone. “I felt something. Somethings wrong.”_

_Finn ran down the hall, “Poe! Y/N! The bridge was blown up!” His voice rang through the halls. Poe’s arm went under your arms to help you run with him (well limp) next to him. He stopped in front of a window, looking up to see the debris from the explosion. “No!” Your hand hit the glass, tears in your eyes as Poe held onto you._

_“Wait! She’s moving! Open the door!” He screamed, leaving you to lean on the wall as Leia used the force to pull herself back to the ship._

_You could feel yourself getting woozy, a medic bed there waiting for her as she entered the ship. Your eyes fell shut as your body dropped to the floor, trying to catch yourself so you wouldn’t get hurt again._

-

_When you first got up, you didn’t know where you were. It was pitch black and so, so cold. Your body shivered and your teeth chattered. In the dark, you looked down to try to see your hands but there was nothing, absolutely nothing. Just darkness. Behind you, there was crunching that went at a pace like someone’s footsteps. Your body whipped around, the footsteps came to a halt._

_Beginning to walk forward carefully, your own footsteps had the same noise to it. You bent down, putting your hand against the ground but it just went through it and it was freezing! It was like powder and when you lifted your hand up it was wet and cold. Then you heard it again. Someone else’s footsteps in the silent world around you._

_“Who’s there?!” You screamed out, voice cracking from fear. “Y/N, it’s me.” A woman’s voice echoed in your head, “Mother? Where are you?” You stood from the icy ground and began to run around frantically, unable to hear their footsteps from your own loud ones. “Please! Come back!” You screamed, stopping your footsteps to see if you could hear them._

_A whir of noise filled your senses, a loud crackling vibration. You spun around, seeing a burning red lightsaber with two smaller ones sticking out of the sides, it was casting a soft glow over your body and the environment around you but you were still unable to see the person who controlled it._

_Someone was there holding it, a much taller person. Presumably, a man. The unknown person took a long stride forward, the blade hums with their movements. “Don’t be afraid.” Their deep modulated voice spoke, but you couldn’t help but feel fear._

_“Who are you? Wh–What do you want?” You stammered over your words. “You’ll see.” The man said in a sly tone. Another saber awakened behind you, it was blue._

_“Stay away from her!” The familiar voice challenged. “Rey!!” You screamed._

_You watched as the man with the red saber sprint towards you and Rey started to as well. They’re going to hurt you. “Stop!” You screeched, your voice echoing. You fell to your knees when they were about to collide, hands going over your head for protection. But, there was nothing. You opened your eyes hesitatingly. Rey was gone, the blue saber extinguished._

_As you turned your head to seek out the other one, the red lightsaber was cocked back about to strike. You could see the man’s armor, it was black like the night around you and a cloak that swirled around his ankles. His body was broad, towering over your cowering body._

_“Don’t. Please.” Your voice whimpered desperately. “Weak girl.” His voice bit back fiercely, the saber snapped and crackled angrily as it swung down towards your body._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first glimpse at kylo!! aah!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After getting blown up on the Resistance cruiser, the Raddus, you endured injuries that caused you to black out. A man from the dark side with an angry red saber appeared in your dreams. Was this a vision? What happened to the Resistance while you were unconscious?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: mention of blood & critical injuries

**Outer Rim**

_The first sense that started to come back was your hearing, audible voices that muttered about but more like they were only background noise. You started to move your fingers, only being able to twitch them at first. Then you heard it, there was an explosion that rocked your whole body and jolted the ship you were in, frantic voices filled the area and that made your eyes flutter open to see what had happened. You were on a ship still. Good sign. The explosion? Not so much._

_What happened to the man with the angry red lightsaber?_

_A medic stepped up to your side when they noticed you were awake, your fingers trying to grip the hard table underneath you. The woman’s eyes were wide and scared, most likely mirroring yours too. “Y/N. You have been out for a while. You woke up at the worst time.” She said, another explosion being heard which made your eyes dart around to figure out what was happening._

_“You were injured by-.” You cut her off, “I know how I was hurt. What’s going on?” Your voice was as sharp as a knife._

_“C’mon! Give it full thrusters! Full speed!” Poe’s voice yelled to the pilot of the ship. Leia appears above you, the medic moving out of the way for her. She looked just as frazzled as everyone else. Wasn’t she dead?_

_“Y/N. I’m glad to see you’re awake. Long story short, We loaded onto the transport ships. We didn’t think the First Order would find us. You missed a lot. We are on our way to a mineral planet, Crait.” That’s when you sat up, not caring about the dizziness that overcame you from the rush of getting up too quickly._

_“Poe!” You yelled as you slipped off of the medic table you were on, jogging up to him as he did to you too. “You’re alive!” He exclaimed when he saw you._

_Another blast of a transport ship made the ship you were on jolt, making you lose your balance but Poe quickly grabbed you before you toppled over. “They’re killing us all. Picking us off one by one!” His voice cracking, his eyes watching the scene happening outside the windows of the ship._

_The Raddus began to swing around, pointing the nose of the ship towards the Supremacy._

_“She’s running away.“ Poe hinted, “No, she isn’t.” Lieutenant Connix replied as she looks at the ship with everyone else, “It’s preparing for light speed.” You mumbled, eyes wide as you watch it disappear before your eyes, a loud earsplitting shrill was heard from the Raddus colliding with the Supremacy, slicing it in half._

_The whole transport ship went silent, watching what had just happened in disbelief._

-

_Crait. A mineral planet covered in a thin crust of white-colored salt and underneath was blood-red soil. The first step you took out of the shuttle, your footsteps were red. “What the…?” You mumbled to yourself, Poe’s hand patting your mid-back._

_“C’mon, let’s get into the base.” He says softly, your gaze lifting up to see the old rebel base that was built into the side of a rocky mountain. “Amazing.” You whispered._

_Leia led the Resistance to the front entrance, opening up the humongous door with a few clicks of buttons. Everyone piled in once the door was high enough. What was this place?_

_“It was an old mining installation,” Leia answered, almost like she read your mind. “Turned into a rebel base. I kept the coordinates to this place for years, knowing it would help us someday. Let’s get the distress signals to our allies before it’s too late.” She ordered, walking into a room with a group of people following her. Poe split off to talk to the fleet that was left, coming up with a plan._

_You zoned their voices out, staring at the hard, rock wall of the mountain. Suddenly, a whirlwind of lightheadedness hit you causing you to hunch over and grab the nearest thing to lean on._

_Something bad was going to happen and soon. You could just feel it like every other time you've predicted it. The door was closing until you saw a ship flying towards the opening. You realized Poe was screaming your name, telling you to get back._

_A loud scream left your throat as you began to run back towards everyone. The enemy ship made it through the small crack, almost like it was chasing you as it moved against the ground. With a quick move, you slid on your side to get cover behind a panel. “Wait! It’s us!” The fire seized. Finn and a girl climbed out of the ship dressed in First Order uniforms. How much did you actually miss?_

-

_You still felt horrible. Dizzy and unfocused from the anxiety in your chest. The crashing ship wasn’t what made you feel this way, and the First Order had arrived with a cannon outside, ready to crack the sealed door open like an egg. Somehow, that wasn’t it either. It had never stuck around for this long._

_Poe had come up with an idea. A handful of people were going to go on these rickety, old airspeeders to try and destroy the cannon. Others were going to go in the trenches and fight the incoming fire. Poe picked you to drive one of them, along with Finn, Rose and some other people you didn’t know the names of. You knew how to operate a speeder, but with an army shooting at you? No way._

_You wanted to protest, to say no but the Resistance brought you in under their wing, it’s time to pay them back._

_Poe led everyone to their speeders and you climbed into yours, following the instructions Poe was telling you in the headset. You pushed and flicked on buttons, remembering the button you needed to hit to put the stabilizer down once you were close to the ground._

_A rush of adrenaline made you push the button to make it go, shooting out of the compartment they were stationed in. You dropped down to the ground, pushing the button for the stabilizer. “This is very, very wobbly, Poe! Are you sure this was a good idea?” You yelled, “Yes! We can do this!” Poe said confidently in the speaker, pushing forward._

_The fleet began to take fire from enemy fighters, other speeders beside you were getting shot at and blown to bits from the TIE fighters. “We’re all going to die if these fighters don’t get off our tail!” You yelled out, trying to swerve out of the way of the blaster bullets being shot at you by the incoming fighter._

_“They’re right behind me! What do I do?” You asked in a panicked voice as you swerved from another blast. Poe’s voice tried to calm you down and tell you some tips to keep yourself from blowing up. Were you about to die? Is this why you felt uncertainty earlier?_

_You got distracted by your racing thoughts, now tuning in as Poe’s voice was ringing in your head. “Y/N! Focus! They’re going to shoot you! Move!” He was screaming at you through the headset until it was too late, your hands gripped the controls as you jerked the vehicle to the right. The blast clipped the left wing causing you to lose control. The speeder repeatedly flipped over and skidded across the salty surface causing the red dirt to kick up behind you in a cloud._

_Poe’s swung his speeder around, going up to your crashed one. ”No, no, no, no.” He climbed out of his own speeder to pull you out of the driver seat. The Millennium Falcon appeared, shooting down the fighters and drawing them away from the speeders. The cannon had started to heat up, a beam targeted on the metal entryway. Poe dragged your body to the nearest trench, picking you up and holding your limp body in his arms._

_“Med pack! We need a med pack now!” Poe ordered as he brought you into the base, medics rushed to your aid. Poe bent down next to you, his lips gently touched your sweaty forehead before the medics pushed him out of the way._

_Your mind faded in and out of consciousness. Pain shot up your legs like fire ripping through your body. Your head felt like it was going to explode. It was like your leg was replaced with ice and electricity. You could feel the pressure of the medics pushing around on your wound, unable to cry out or protest from being too weak and from the excruciating pain, you passed out._

-

_With a gasp and a hoarse cough, you jolted awake. A cry leaving your split lips from the pain emanating from your leg and all over. You looked down to see your pants cut open and a make-shift bandage wrapped around the large wound with blood on the white gauze—it was seeping out of it uncontrollably. Next to the bed was a scrappy piece of metal with blood on half of it, your eyes noticed the sharp rigged edges. Where did that come from?_

_“Oh no.” A sob escaped your mouth. Your wrist was bruised, a dark purple and blue. It had to be broken especially how it was bent in an inhumanly way. You noticed how there wasn’t any commotion, no voices or noises. Nothing. “Help! Help me! I’m awake!” Your own voice surprised you by how poorly it sounded. There was no reply. Did they really leave you behind?_

_With the rest of your strength, you tried your hardest to roll off of the table you were on but you screamed in agony. ”No, no. I can’t!” You bawled out loudly which made tears run freely down your cheeks. Then there were footsteps, synchronized footsteps._

_Two snowtroopers approached the room you were in, ”General, we’ve found a survivor!” One of their monotonous voices exclaimed. The other trooper aimed their blaster at you as other one left the room. ”Don’t move, rebel scum.” They growled underneath their helmet._

_You listened to their command but wondered if dying by blaster would just be easier than the pain you were in. Your heartbeat pounded in your head and echoed in your ears, closing your eyes._

_A pale, redheaded man walked into the room with the same trooper from earlier behind him. ”Well, well. What do we have here?” His thick accent slid off of his tongue as he strode towards your body on the table. His hand rested on the blood-stained bandage covering your wound. You winced from the tenderness of the spot, his touch was gentle but not welcoming._

_”You’re wounded. Ha, what a shame. Your own people left you behind, I see.” He chuckled shamefully, fingers gripping your thigh harder._

_"Get off of me, scumbag.” Your weak voice spat out through gritted teeth. ”Tough one.” He mumbled as his gloved fingertips pressed into the gauze then began to walk away. ”Execute her.” He told one of the troopers which cocked their blasters and pointed at you. You squeezed your eyes shut as you waited for the blow._

_Another voice cuts in, ”Wait.” It’s demanding, firm and gravelly but there is still some softness to it. You recognized that voice from somewhere but where?_

_The troopers stood up straight and brought their guns to a resting position. Your eyes searched for the man who belongs to the deep voice, “Supreme Leader. I am just following your orders. You said that there will be no survivors.” The General sounded displeased with the man._

_A tall, dark man stepped through the doorway to reveal himself. “Forget what I said, Hux. They may have information on the whereabouts of the Resistance.” His voice boomed loudly. Deep onyx eyes locked with yours from across the room, his eyes showed war and suffering. He took a few strides with his long legs and he was in front of you._

_You couldn’t help but let even more fear strike up inside of you once you realized it was the man from your dream. This is the man Rey told you about, how she injured him, how he hurt Finn and how he murdered Han Solo. Kylo Ren._

_You didn’t expect such a monster to look like this. His face was pale, nose sharp and angled, lips were pink and it was all framed by black hair that fell in waves around his face. You noticed a scar that traveled from his cheekbone to his forehead and under his black armor; a burn from Rey’s lightsaber._

_“Supreme Leader, she is badly injured. She will barely make it to our ship.” The pasty General spoke again._

_Kylo Ren’s face twitched with anger, “Get our medics then. Bring her to my ship at once.” He barked out an order as some troopers began to leave the room to complete his command._

_His long arm stretched out, his fingertips were so close to your face you could smell the leather, his emotionless expression never faltered or changed. Your breathing sped up, more tears welled up in your eyes._

_His own eyes locked with yours again, "Don't be afraid." He spoke gently to you then with a movement of his hand, you blacked out on the table._


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You were captured by the First Order after being badly injured in combat on Crait. After waking up, you find yourself with an even bigger problem, Kylo Ren.

**Location Unknown**

A soft beeping sound is what wakes you from your slumber, the blanket draped over you is soft and warm under your hands. You try to open your eyes but groan from the bright light around you, your eyes are too sensitive.

With your groggy eyes now closed, you try to gather your other senses. You listened to any noises that would give you hints about where you could be. There was rustling outside of the room you are in and a beep which had a steady rhythm like a heartbeat that fills the silent room.

You could feel a tight feeling on your wrist, your eyes fluttering open to inspect it. Squinting your eyes to adjust to the change of light, you suck in a deep breath as you take in the sight of your wrist. Medical dressing encases it then your eyes dart to your other hand to see an IV has been inserted into your vein on top.

You wiggle your fingers, wincing a little bit from the mild ache in your injured wrist. The room you are in is gray; the floors, the walls, the door. The hospital bed contrasts to everything else, it's white. Over to your side is a metal stand with medical supplies sitting on it.

Everything was coming back in a chaotic blur: The battle of Takodana, getting taken in by the Resistance, the Resistance escaping to Crait and you getting hurt. Not once but twice.

“Curse the stars!” You whispered to yourself, finally recalling when you were captured by the First Order. Sadness floods your conscience, the Resistance left you to die on that planet. Then it quickly switched to anger, the beeping on the machine accelerating by a tad from your rising heart rate.

Suddenly, a man walks in adorned in a white lab coat. He much be a doctor. “I’m glad to see that you're finally awake. My name is Dr. Tarmin.”

The doctor introduces himself and claps his hands together once before he begins to speak again, “You went through some pretty traumatic experiences. When you were brought in, you were unconscious _and_ unresponsive. You had a massive amount of blood loss from the laceration on your leg, which was most likely caused by shrapnel impaling your leg and being removed incorrectly. My team and I found remaining fragments of metal in your leg that brought us to a conclusion that you were in an accident of some sort. Your wrist is also fractured, and you have many cuts on your face and body. We will be coming in to give your wounds Bacta treatments so your healing process is faster.”

The metal fragments must explain why you saw the bloodied scrap metal back on Crait.

You listened to him, “Okay.” Your voice was cold as you studied the doctor.

He is an older man, much older than you by how his black hair has evident stripes of grey throughout it. His voice is kind but you still cannot trust him, he is a part of the First Order. Your sworn enemy, who has attempted to kill you plenty of times.

“Where am I?” Your voice is hoarse but strong.

The doctor frowned upon the question, “I’m afraid I can’t answer that question. I’m sorry.” His voice is sincere and you knew he might get in trouble if he did tell you.

“Then get me somebody who can!” Your voice raises in annoyance, your own tone surprising you. “I will see what I can do.” He proposed before he turns around and starts to walk out of the room.

Your eyes glance around the hospital room to search for something that could help you escape, but where would you go once you did? The Resistance didn’t want you, your parents vanished, your village is destroyed, and you’re wounded. ”Damn this galaxy!” Your voice groaned out loudly, slamming your head back against the bed in frustration.

After many minutes passed, the door slid open to the room again. You didn’t want to open your eyes, not caring if they stood there waiting for you.

They clear their throat, making you peek one of your eyes open to see the same orange-haired General from Crait who had ordered to execute you. You audibly swallow your spit, both eyes opening now to look at him.

He had a smug look on his face, wishing your wrist wasn’t broken so you could slap it off of his face. ”We haven’t formally met. I am General Hux of the First Order.“ Hux disclosed, his hands are clasped behind his back. ”One of the doctors informed me that you had finally awakened and that you have questions. I have some myself.”

He began to pace back and forth at the end of your hospital bed. He waited for a response from you but didn’t receive one, “Lost your voice?” He taunts, still no response. You just glare at him with pure hatred.

Hux balled his fists in anger behind his back, “You’re part of the Resistance. You know where they are going next. Their _whereabouts_?” He ranted loudly, your body never moved and your expression remained straight.

“If you’re not going to talk, I will _force_ you to talk.” Hux threatens you, his face is full of anger and tinted red.

The General walked up to the side of your bed, his hand rested on your thigh, just like when he found you. “This is where your wound is, correct?” Hux said maliciously, his voice somewhat quiet now as he breathes into your face.

His grip starts to tighten against your wound, your body tensing up as pain emanated from the sensitive area he's touching.

“Even if I did know where the Resistance went, I would never tell _you_.” You almost spat in his face, “Get your hands off of me!!” You pounced forward, your fingernails grazing his cheek causing you to scratch him but the wires glued to your chest stopped you from going farther.

Hux jumps back like scared prey, his hand cupping his cheek that you grazed. Your hands start to pull off the monitors on your chest, beeps from the machines alerting the medical personnel.

A nurse rushes into the room, holding a syringe full of clear liquid. “No! Please don’t! No!” Your body trying to inch away from the needle that was coming towards your arm, with a small prick the nurse pushes the liquid into your body. Almost instantly you feel drowsy and everything slows down.

“I’ll have Supreme Leader Ren handle this _vermin_. Inform me once she awakes again.” Hux growls at Dr. Tarmin before disappearing around the corner. That was the last thing you hear before you fall into a medicated sleep.

-

Your bones ache, your head feels so groggy and your muscles are exhausted from the sedative they forced into you. Your body jolts awake and you heave over with a raspy cough, your hands going to your eyes to rub them. You search around the room, seeing a cup of water next to the bed. Perfect.

You quickly snatch it, bringing it up to your mouth. You didn’t care that some water dribbled down your chin, you were parched.

The same beep that monitored your heart rate was still going, it was driving you crazy by the second. You were about to peel off the monitor on your chest until a droid floats into the room, your eyebrows furrowing.

“ _Hello. I am IT-S00.2_.” It’s robotic voice spoke, “ _Patient 028, it is time for your bacta treatment.”_ It informed as it floats over to the side of your bed. “My name is Y/N.” You told the droid, it took a second for your words to register.

“ _I will program your name as Y/N. Is that okay_?” It asked. “Yes,” You told it with a small laugh.

“ _According to your database, you require bacta treatments to the laceration on your leg and your broken wrist. Is that correct?_ ” The droid beeps out.

“Yes. That’s correct.” You mumble.

A nurse walks into the room, rolling in a metal chair. “I’m here to help you get into this. That little droid can’t help much with those tiny arms.” She says with a kind smile.

She is wearing scrubs that are dark grey with a First Order symbol on her sleeve, her dark brown hair is pulled into a sleek bun, she reminds you of Rey. “ _Hey_!” The droid beeped out in protest against her words.

She pushes the chair as close as it could get to the edge of the hospital bed, “I’m Ailla. What’s your name?” She strikes up a conversation as she removes your blankets, gently grabbing your legs to let them hang off of the hospital bed so it would be easier for you to slide into the chair. “I’m Y/N. Nice to meet you, Ailla.” You grunt out as you hoist your body into the chair, the nurse steps back to give you space.

Ailla bends down to pull up a leg rest for your injured thigh so the droid has easier access, “I see you can handle yourself.” She said with a small laugh, “S, can handle it from here.” Ailla refers to the medical droid who beeps in response.

“I’ll be your routine nurse unless Dr. Tarmin needs to come in. I’ll be back to help you to bed once you’re finished.” She nodded as she began to walk out of the room.

“Thanks.” You yell at her and she responds with a thumbs up before the mechanical door closes behind her with a _whoosh._

You gently tug your hospital gown to pull it up so the droid had enough room to treat your wound. The droids delicate mechanical arms began to slowly peel off the white bandage with precision. You focused on what the droid was doing, wincing as the cold air of the hospital room touched your skin.

“Woah! It’s barely there anymore.” You exclaim with a surprised laugh.

“ _These are mechnosutures._ ” The droid points out, “ _It is a new way to close up wounds. It helps the area regenerate faster and with the bacta too, it should be healed in no tim_ e.” It informs you. The droid floats over to a metal table that has a tube on it and gently picks it up.

The droid applies a slime like consistency onto the gash, the cold feeling makes you grimace and the hairs on your body stand straight up.

You didn’t know if it was from the cold feeling of the gel or something else. IT-S00.2 took a clean bandage to lay it on top of the cut that extended from above your knee to your upper thigh.

The mechanical door opened, your eyes lifting to see the Ailla standing in the doorway with fear crossing her face, “There is someone here to visit.” She struggles to let it out, her face is pale.

Ailla steps to the side to let in a dark figure that stood behind her. You gave him a once-over, eyes traveling from his toes to his pale scarred face. Kylo Ren.

His mouth was set in a hard line, expressionless as his eyes studied what he walked in on. Was he trying to examine you for weakness or plot something evil in that mind of his?

” _Uh oh._ ” The droid beeped out quietly to you, finishing up its job on your leg before moving to your wrist to unwrap it. Your hands went to tug down your gown so your bandage was covered, not wanting it on display.

Your eyes glanced to the side to see your barely bruised wrist as the droid unwraps it, your wrist was only a little swollen now and not deformed like before. The droid wraps your wrist in a bacta bandage quickly but still gentle. You kept your emotions in check; not wanting to display your fear towards him or your weakness from your injuries. You have to remain strong and resilient at the hands of the tyrant First Order.

“Give us a moment, droid.” Kylo urged, his voice is smooth and almost velvety. The droid looks at you then at him before quickly floating out of the room behind Kylo Ren and out the door— you refuse to make eye contact with him nor feel the need to look up.

The dark man took a few heavy steps toward you, fear courses through you with each loud step he took. Soon you would have to lift your eyes to face him, but you aren't ready. His large stature towered over you when he reached the chair you were sitting in.

“You know why I’m here.” His voice held authority but it wasn’t loud, almost soothing to you— it unnerves you that it makes you feel this way.

Through the locks of your hair hanging in front of your eyes, you can see him standing in front of you. You lift your gaze to look at his unsettlingly deep eyes, his handsome features unmoving like a stone.

Since you’ve fled your village, everything has been so overwhelming; your people were massacred by the First Order and here is the man that caused it right in front of you and you were right in the palm of his hand; he could squish you at any minute.

“You’re here because General Hux couldn’t get anything out of me? Is that right? He sent you to do his dirty work?” You sneered at him, a slight growl in your voice.

You stood on a wobbly leg to try and size him up, putting your hands out for balance. You could feel the thumping of your heartbeat in your injury but you just ignored it. Your eyes are only at his chest level, he was much taller than you which is expected.

Kylo Ren’s dark eyes narrowed in response, staring down at you. “I applaud you for standing up to General Hux.” His words surprised you, raising a brow at him.

“Why thank you..” You grumble under your breath and plop yourself down on the hospital bed with your feet dangling. His gaze is burning into your skin, feeling the itch of wanting to say a snarky remark about his staring problem but you stop yourself.

“The Resistance. You have to know where they are going next.” He directly asks you.

“Just like I told your precious General. If I did know, I would never tell you where they went.” You snapped at him defiantly, frustration clouding your brain.

Kylo leans closer to you, his breath hitting you in the face. “You know, I can take whatever I want.” He states with a wicked gleam in his eyes. His voice makes goosebumps rise all over your skin— it reminds you of the vision you once had of Rey and him.

You felt something, little pricks of pain traveling up your neck and flooding your head like a tidal wave. “This will only hurt a little.”

Your stomach plunged from his words. crying out from the throbbing in your head. It feels like your brain is scrambling up in your skull. Tears roll down your face as you fall onto the bed in a heap of agony.

“The Resistance left you, your parents left you…” Kylo trails off, “The First Order destroyed your village on Jakku. Everyone last one of them was murdered,” He pitied you as he infiltrates your mind, combing through all your memories and thoughts. “You’re afraid of the First Order. So lonely. So weak.”

You try to fight against the violation of your mind, jaw clenched and face wet with tears. “You felt that Leia Organa is like the mother who wouldn’t run away…” His tone was vengeful, you pushed harder— pain ceasing in your head momentarily.

“Everyone left you. You’re alone.” Kylo whispers, almost like he was talking to himself. There’s no way you could let yourself succumb to his torture, a loud pained scream rips through you as your hands cradle your head. “Stop it! Get out of my head!” You screech, a strong force between the two of your minds arose, hearing Kylo Ren stumble back, his boots squeak on the tile. Fear radiates from him.

The pain stops in your head but a dull throbbing remains. You hear heavy breathing or is it your own? You slowly open your eyes to see that Kylo’s eyes are glassy, his face is twisted in anger and pain — like you hit a sensitive nerve. His chest is rising and falling madly.

“You…” He breathes out, his fists clenching. He whips his body around, forcing you to stare at his back then he storms out of the room in a rage.

You lay there on the bed, watching the metal door open and close behind him. You start to sob uncontrollably, wrapping your body up in a fetus position as you cry. Your whole body quivers. Your head pounds and aches, crying doesn't help much either.

You can feel anger burn in your chest, but it doesn't feel like your own anger. All you feel is pain and sadness. What is happening to you?


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your mind was invaded by Kylo Ren’s force interrogation powers, you’re left in pain; emotional and physical. Some positive things arise but they don’t outweigh the negative.

After the infamous Kylo Ren had stormed out of your hospital room your nurse immediately came in to check on you with the small medical droid trailing close behind her.

She began to do her nurse protocol, like checking your vitals, pushing pain medication through the IV to ease your pain, asking questions about what’s hurting and forcing your body from the position you were in to inspect if you were injured anywhere.

Just by looking at Ailla, you could tell she was frazzled by the whole experience. You could tell she has never been face to face with the Supreme Leader and General of the First Order, especially on her stationed hospital floor.

—

It’s now two days after Kylo Ren invaded your mind and it still aches horribly. A dull thump lingers in the back of your skull, mimicking your heartbeat. Your eyes feel like someone is screwing their thumbs into your sockets, and there is still ringing in your ears.

Although, from the daily bacta treatments, your leg is healing rapidly. You are finally able to put pressure on your foot and your wrist is able to be moved almost normally.

It made you happy because the closer you were to being healed, the better chance you had to escape.

_Where would you go_? You didn’t know, you just knew you couldn’t stay with the First Order and their child-like, tantrum driven ‘Supreme Leader.’

After you finish cleaning up in the bathroom that was connected to your hospital room, you limp out in a clean hospital gown with some pants underneath so the whole hospital wouldn’t see your underwear.

As you are about to sit on your bed, the door slides open. Your head turns to see Ailla coming through the doorway with a gleaming smile. “Guess what?” She squeals excitedly, you open your mouth to speak but she beats you to it, “I got permission to have you walk around the hospital floor! With me of course, you can’t go by yourself.” She says with the same smile on her face.

Your eyebrows pinched together in confusion, “Thank you, but why?” You ask as nicely as you could, not really wanting to leave the comforting confinement of your room.

“Because! You need to move!” She laughs and walks over to your side, “I’ll hold onto you so you won’t fall.” Ailla offers her elbow to you so you can use it for extra support.

Hesitatingly, your arm links with hers then she begins to walk slowly as you wobble next to her.

When Ailla and you walk out out into the cold hospital hallways, it wasn’t as busy as you thought it would be. The color scheme wasn’t any different than your room and the dim lights are hidden in the wall.

There is a nurse station right in front of your room where some doctors and nurses were sitting at looking over paperwork, typing on data pads, chatting away…

It surprises you to see such an environment that is associated with the First Order.

“Technically, most of the doctors and nurses aren’t sided with the First Order’s opinion in the war. Even if we are working for them.” Ailla explains, “It’s just our dreams to work in the medical field and somehow we all ended up here. We aren’t bad people.” Ailla says quietly to you as she leads you down a long white corridor with doors on either side.

“That’s good to know..” You laugh softly, feeling like Ailla was becoming a close friend now.

You had already shared your story with her about what your life was like before you were captured— Jakku, your village, Takodana, The Resistance and of course you left out all the classified information.

Ailla walks you on a small path that was like a circle, around the hospital floor, also known as the TICU floor **(** Trauma intensive care unit **)**

She continues to show you around, even if there was nothing to see except that same gray color everywhere, telling you stories about other patients too. You make sure to scope out what you would need to do to escape for later on when you're fully healed.

The only way in and out of your floor is through an elevator or a pair of large doors; both need a keycard to exit or enter. There are other patients who are wearing First Order uniforms too and you notice a stormtrooper as well. 

Ailla and you finally make it back to your room. She presses a few buttons on your door to make it open before you could walk in. Thankfully, you make it to your hospital bed with Ailla’s help, you would’ve collapsed from your sore legs if she wasn’t there.

“Thank you for that.” You muttered sleepily as you pulled the blankets over your body, snuggling into the pillow.

Ailla just nods, “Get some rest.” She said before walking out of the room. Your heavy eyelids began to droop shut as you succumbed to the darkness.

—

The hospital room door hisses as it opens, making you jolt awake.

A soft groan falls from your lips, “Ailla. You said to rest… This isn’t resting.” You refuse to open your eyes from the bright light being flicked on above your head.

“Y/N.” She said in a small panicky tone. Why does she sound so scared?

Your eyes shoot open to see her standing at the end of your bed, something is wrong with her, you can feel it. Her hands are trembling at her sides, breathing uneasily and her eyes are glassy.

“I-I was told to tell you that… You need to be transferred.” She whispers out the last sentence, almost like she was dreading what she needed to say next. Nobody high-ranked in the First Order had come to see you and you were so grateful, until now.

“Ailla. Tell me what’s going on right now.” Your voice raises in tone, thoughts begin to run through your head.

_Am I about to be executed? Tortured? Forced into work? Let out of an airlock?_

“Y/N. I–“ She is cut off as the door opens again, a stormtrooper steps inside with cuffs in their hands. “You’re taking too long.” Their monotone voice speaks. “I’m sorry..” That’s all that left Ailla’s mouth as she slips out of the door, you can see her shoulders shaking before the door closes. You didn’t know if she was saying that to the trooper or you.

_This couldn’t be happening. No, this is all a nightmare. Maybe you actually just died on Crait and you’re living in your own hell._

Another trooper enters the room which breaks your thoughts, he has a stun blaster that is directly pointed at you. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.” The trooper taunts as the one with the cuffs starts to inch forward.

Something in your mind clicked, if you were going to get executed they wouldn’t have a stun gun to bring you to your own execution, would they? _You’re meant to stay alive._

You felt like prey being circled by their predators.

You can't put up a fight and risk getting hurt again, but if you did put up a fight you could have a chance to escape. The troopers get closer and closer, “If I get off the bed, will you shoot me?” You ask with the calmest voice you could muster up.

_You’re going to take the chance, you can’t stay captured any longer._

The troopers look at each other and shrug their shoulders, “Move, girl.” He demands which allows you gently slide off of the bed and stand in an upright position. The stun blaster is aimed at you, holding your wrists out so they could be cuffed.

Before your wrists were locked into place your hand grabbed onto one side of the cuffs and yanked on the metal as hard as you could to pull them out of the troopers hand.

The blaster goes off, shooting a blue stun right over your head but you drop to the ground to dodge it. You jump up swiftly, holding the cuffs tightly in your hands, your arms raise and swing down nimbly to strike the trooper in the head. Thankfully, he falls to the ground unconscious.

You turn on your heels, seeing the other trooper about to shoot you again. “That’s not nice. I’d rather do this the easy way, y’know.” You grumble with your bottom lip pouting. With a quick move, you dodge the next stun bolt and slide across the floor to hide at the bottom of your hospital bed.

The trooper clicks a button which makes the cuffs come alive in your hands, transforming to a blue color, an electric current courses through your body and you drop to the floor stiff as a board. Your body shakes and teeth are clenched, veins popping out on your forehead and neck.

“Stun cuffs.” The trooper says to you smugly as he stood over your body before you went out like a light.

—

The trooper is dragging your limp body from the room, the doctors and nurses standing back as they watch the scene. Even more troopers are outside of your room, standing there guarding the door in case anyone would try to get in or out…

Even if you did knock out both of the troopers in the hospital room, you wouldn’t have gotten far. The First Order practically had the medical ward on lockdown.

You fade in and out of consciousness, the electric felt like it was still buzzing in your veins. You can see the gray ceiling moving above your head or is it you that is moving?

Then you realize someone or something is rolling you down a corridor on wheels. It isn't comfortable, it is hard like metal. The cuffs are now around your wrists locked into place. You groan in discomfort from being unable to move your body from the stun.

A door opens with loud clanks and beeps then you're pushed into a smaller room, the door shuts behind you loudly. It startles you. Your body can't move so you let your eyes close, hoping when you wake back up you wouldn’t be in this nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i apologize if this chapter is a little boring/short, i had writers block sooo bad when i wrote it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’re now confined in a cell on a First Order Star Destroyer. General Armitage Hux swings by for an unwelcome visit. You come to a realization with the help of Kylo Ren.

Your eyes snap open with a desperate gasp, your hands grip what you are on top of. It's cold and hard.

With a grunt, you sit up to look at your new surroundings. This isn’t your hospital bed or room at all. Your body is on top of a small, unpadded metal bunk with a small, flat cushion that is a sad excuse for a pillow.

You groan as pain jabs in your back and neck, stretching your tense muscles by leaning your head over so your ear touched your shoulder. You rotated your wrists since they're sore, seeing marks from the cuffs that were on them. Where did they go? There isn't even a blanket and the cell is even colder than your hospital room.

_Wait, a cell? Did they put you in a cell? Seriously?_

It is a compact square room with a bright light on the ceiling and it seems like there wasn’t a switch to turn it off either. Must be an interrogation tactic. In the corner sits a toilet, and a sink— A very basic setup. Everything is gray just like your hospital room but smaller.

The vault-like door has a window, almost like a porthole and a slot that must allow food to slide through the bottom.

You gently stand up, feeling a slight bit of wooziness overcome you. Then you drop to your knees to analyze the slot but there's no budge, it must open from the other side then. You sigh in defeat as you stand back up to look through the small window, you didn’t see anyone or anything just the same gray color.

_Damn that stupid gray! Couldn’t they have chosen a different color?_

You rest your back against the door to slide down to the ground from the jumble of emotions hitting you at once, your heart clenches… You lost your only friend on this damn ship and you’re lonely once again. You need to escape but there was no way, it is just a stupid cell with only one exit. You feel anger heat up in your chest, the temperature climbs up your neck to settle on your cheeks in a pink hue.

_“This whole situation is stupid—asinine—idiotic and childish. The First Order! The Resistance! Generals! The Stupid war! Stupid Galaxy! Stupid Supreme Leaders!”_ Your own voice in your head mocked, “Who the hell calls themselves a ‘Supreme Leader’ anyways _?”_ You speak out loud now, throwing your hands up in the air with a thud as they hit the hard ground.

“ _They’re all childish. He’s a foolish, childish leader who don’t know anything about ‘ruling the whole galaxy.’ Obviously, that’s an impossible goal!_ ” You exclaimed in your thoughts, rolling your eyes.

“Not everyone is going to agree with the First Order and they think they are big and bad and other opinions are wrong. The only way to deal with that is **killing** each other?! If there were peace and understanding, I wouldn’t be here right now. I’d be with my mother and father on Jakku. **But!** A mother and son have to fight against each other, right? The galaxy is full of children trapped in adult bodies. _”_ You rant out loud again, a groan leaves your lips afterward.

You gently roll over on the floor, at least it smells clean. In your chest, you felt humor bubble up then the feeling disappears. _Weird_.

Footsteps outside of your cell makes you lose your train of thought, looking up to see a stormtrooper’s helmet outside of the window. They push a food tray through the slot with their gloved hand.

Like a feline you crawl over to the hole to try and swat at it but it closes just before you reach it.

Your eyes travel over to the slop sitting on the tray they gave you. It is a disgusting olive green with specks of something in it and bread rations on the side. The water was clear though, you quickly grab the cup to sip out of it.

You hesitatingly pick up the spoon, taking a scoop of the food. You bring it closer to your face to analyze it, the consistency reminds you of porridge as it drips off of the utensil. You bring it to your nose to sniff it and you instantly regret doing that. It has to be spoiled, it smells like rotten fruit.

You can't starve yourself and you don't remember the last time you ate, so you plug your nose then close your eyes to bring the spoon to your lips. You quickly ingest it, washing it down with the water and letting go of your nose so you could breathe. The taste isn't as horrible as the smell is but it definitely isn’t yummy.

You eat half of it, with your nose plugged, before you feel like you are going to vomit, you rush to the sink to swish out your mouth with fresh water since you finished the water you were given.

You go back to sit on your bunk, shivering from the cold temperature of the metal seeping through your thin hospital attire. “Why me?” Your voice utters out softly with a shaky sigh.

What did you village do to deserve that? All the casualties… All the deaths… They were your people, your family, and friends. You couldn’t even save them. Coward.

You wondered if anyone actually made it out of Tuanul before they executed the whole village and burned it down. If they did, would they have even made it through Jakku’s harsh environment? 

Rage, sorrow, and guilt whirls through your body like a hurricane. You didn’t even notice you had started to cry until the tears started to drip onto your lap. A sniffle echoes in the cell, wiping your eyes and runny nose with the back of your hand. “I can’t be weak.” You tell yourself, your body shivering as the hairs rise up on your skin but not from the cold. That's odd. Your hands rub your arms up and down to try and get rid of the goosebumps but it didn’t work.

The vault door begins to unlock, bolts clanking as they retract. You nervously look up to see the door slowly opening and General Hux is standing there with his eyes observing your body on the bunk, his lips curled up into a heinous smirk. He‘s flanked by two stormtroopers who stands guard of the door. “Close it.” He orders them, they close the door but don't lock it behind him.

Your heart rate began to speed up, feeling claustrophobic as he made the space between you two close up as he slowly inched forward.

_He’s going to kill me, He’s definitely going to kill me-_

“You injured one of my men yesterday,” Hux states, his ginger eyebrows raising as he paces in front of you slowly, never taking his burning gaze off of you. You feel tiny and helpless under it.

“I did.” You reply with a shaky voice, your fingers twiddling with your hospital gown. “You knocked him unconscious. A _meaningless_ girl did this.” He spits back, halting his footsteps to stand in front of you. His gloved hand pushes your chin up so you could lock eyes with him, “Only if I was Supreme Leader. You wouldn’t be locked in this tiny cell…” His voice is slick with lust and greed, his breath hits you in the face.

“Ren is _weak_ and _pathetic_. You have no information for the First Order yet he has chosen to keep you alive and have you healed…” He trails off, face inching closer to yours. You bit back tears, gulping as you try to back up from him but he grabs onto your face tighter. His other hand comes up to push your unruly hair behind your ear.

Goosebumps rise on your skin again. _He’s coming._ The leader of the First Order. You don't know how you know but you can just feel it as the hairs stand up again; an undeniable feeling. It feels like you were walking alongside him, hearing his heavy footsteps as two troopers trailed behind him in sync. You wanted him to come into the cell so Hux would get caught being here.

The vault door swings open so fast, Hux stumbles back from the force of the door.

_It is him._

He takes one step into the cell, his deep brown eyes darting around before locking eyes with you. He notices how close in proximity Hux is to you and how your face is red and stained with fear.

“Supreme Leader. I didn’t know you were coming to interrogate the prisoner as well.” Hux’s voice is full of surprise and embarrassment. “Leave.” Ren barks out loudly, taking a step inside of the confines of the cell. Hux looks down at you with a glare before storming out of the cell.

As if the situation wasn’t terrifying enough, Ren makes a gesture with his hand and the door slowly creaks closed. “What was all of that?” His leather finger point toward the door Hux left out of, his gaze was softer than the time in the medical ward. You stand to your feet quickly, rubbing your face with your hands as you sighed.

“Why am I in a cell?” You hesitated slightly, voice strong.

“Explain why General Hux was here, first.” The Knight of Ren demands, his voice is soft and gently urging you to tell him. “To lecture me about injuring one of his men.” Your voice grumbles, “Happy?” Your mouth set in a hard line.

Kylo Ren scoffs at you, “You were put into a cell because you’re healed. You weren’t a guest. Only a prisoner.” He bit back harshly, his shoulders tensing up then he relaxes after taking a deep shaky breath.

“So what? What are you gonna do? Kill me? Order for me to get thrown out of an airlock? Interrogate me again with… with your mind powers.” Your lower lip trembles in fear, not wanting to get your mind invaded again and endure the pain.

The corner of his mouth turns up into a small smirk when you mentioned the ‘mind powers’ but disappears quickly.

“There will be no interrogation… And no killing of any sort. Unless you put up a fight.” His voice rumbles in his chest then he takes a step closer to you which makes you take a step back from him. Your back collides with the wall behind you.

His facial expression remains emotionless but you can just tell he is hurt from your actions by his eyes and how he gulped. “I think you would be a true benefit to the First Order. You are force sensitive and you’re stronger than you know.” His throat clears, almost like he is nervous. “There is no other force sensitive individual, except me that is among the First Order. You won’t have to feel this abandonment anymore.”

Your eyes go wide, almost choking on your breath. “F-Force sensitive?” You stutter, feeling your head get woozy again just from the words.

“Yes, force sensitive. You broadcasted your… _opinionated_ thoughts to me earlier. I could hear you like you were sitting right next to me.” Kylo’s gruff voice explains.

_“Try to broadcast to me again,”_ His voice echoes in your head, stronger than your voice in your own mind. This is unreal.

” _What?_ ” You think in your head, seeing his eyes widen for a moment before returning to normal.

” _I can hear you, can you hear me?_ ” His voice softly speaks in your mind.

Your head nods then you begin to slide down on the wall behind you, feeling your chest constrict as anxiety settles in like cement. With your hand on your chest, you take long, deep breaths to try and calm yourself.

Ren could tell you weren’t taking the news lightly. He didn’t know how to console you since he was brought into the Force at such a young age, it’s normal to him.

Kylo stands there with his hands awkwardly behind his back, “I’ll leave you to think.” He states before turning around, his cape flowing as he did so. The door opens then he slips through the opening and locks it behind him. 

You don't want to think about it, you have no longing to join the First Order. Will he kill you if you refuse or keep you confined in this hellish cell until you perish? 

Everything you went through and saw as a child should have given you enough hints that you were Force-sensitive. All the lessons, your father, the whole town was buzzing with this unseen energy. Maybe the Force led you all this way because this is where you belong...


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren tells you a secret about yourself the last time he saw you and it answers many questions that you had hidden in the back of your mind. You realize what you need to do to survive.

It has now been four full days since you last saw Kylo Ren. You can feel yourself teetering on the edge of insanity from being enclosed in such a small space and having no human contact— the disgusting food they give to you to eat is not helping either.

You are pacing the inside of your cell, jogging in place as you try to do something with all the extra time you have. After hearing that you are Force-sensitive, you attempted to unlock the cell door with your mind—tried to pick up your food—the tray— everything in the room. It just didn’t work. Kylo Ren said you had the Force but your mind doesn't seem to work. It frustrates you to wits end!

Couldn’t they give you a droid to talk to? At least it was something. A sigh leaves your dry lips as you think about your medical droid friend, S. It was so kind and caring. You wish you could see Ailia and them again.

You're laying on your hard bunk, unable to fall asleep from being too cold and how uncomfortable it is. It's making you itch with frustration, feeling hot tears pool in the corners of your eyes. Your hand slams down on the metal, a loud clank echoes in the enclosure. You feel like a trapped animal, you aren't going to hurt anybody. Even though you did knock out a stormtrooper.

You close your eyes and began to fall asleep, slowly but surely.

-

After about twenty minutes of sleep, you can barely open your eyes from how sleep-ridden you are. You had barely gotten two hours of sleep in the past four days, it's making you feel too weak to eat or stand. You remember the note your parents left you, telling you to survive.

Maybe they knew this was going to happen to you and maybe they knew you were going to given in and side with the First Order. You take a deep breath, clutching your chest as you called out to Kylo Ren with your mind. You hope this works.

“ _Supreme Leader… I’ve made up my mind. Please come._ ” Your voice echoes in your brain as you manifest the conversation to wherever he is.

“ _I’ll be there shortly._ ” His deep, disembodied voice rumbles in your head.

Tears run down your face, the liquid falling from your eyes hitting the metal bunk underneath you. You can't believe you’re going to do this. To betray your village—the Resistance—your family…

After a few minutes, the cell door unlocks and it creaks open. The sound makes you turn over and yawn loudly, stretching out your sore muscles as your eyes flutter open. Kylo Ren is standing there.

“I'm guessing you’ve thought about it?” He questions, stepping into the cell and walking over to your cot. Although not too close. How many pairs of the same black armor does he own?

“Yes, I’ve come to an understanding that the only way to survive is to join the First Order.” Your voice is croaky and brittle.

Kylo gives you a curt nod, “There will be conditions you have to follow to be released. If you fail to do so, you will be sent back here or executed, depends on what you’ve done.” The tone of his voice is strong, “Follow me.” He orders, turning around to step out of the cell, waiting for you in the corridor.

With a small push of the last bit of strength you have, you sit up on the bunk and let your feet hit the floor. You take a deep breath as you stand up on your wobbly legs, about to fall to the ground but Kylo took a step into the cell and wrapped his leather hand around your arm to steady you.

“Come on.” He says gingerly, leading you out of the cell and into the corridor. Your eyes squint at the light, two stormtroopers are guarding either side of the door. You and Kylo slip between them, one walks in front of you and the other trails behind, both with their blasters ready to shoot if needed.

Ren doesn't let go of your arm, his legs march down the corridor which seemed like it was as long as half of the ship. You are almost forced to run with him since his legs are so _damn_ long. Your eyes scan the same gray scenery, other ship crew walk past and take quick glances at you but not long ones. It makes your cheeks heat up, everyone is staring at their Supreme Leader practically dragging you down the ship.

Kylo Ren halts in front of a metal door, “Stay here.” He orders the troopers to guard the door. His gloved hand presses a button on the wall and he punches in a code. On command, the door opens with a swish. You make sure to keep note of the code, **3470**. He leads you inside and in front of you is a living area. Much bigger than your cell but it wasn’t huge— just a single studio room and gray once again with some accented rose colored pieces.

Over to your left is a small kitchen with a compact fridge, a microwave, and a countertop stove. In front of that is a couch and a coffee table, a dusty rose colored throw blanket is splayed across the back of the two-seater couch with a few matching pillows— the bedsheets match reddish the color as well. Near the bed is a tiny office space with a desk and a chair, and a computer monitor built into the wall, you could probably use the desk as a nightstand too.

You notice two doors, one is a sliding door which may lead to a closet and the other is most likely a bathroom. The lights trimmed the perimeter of the wall, dimmer than those horrible bright lights in the hospital room and the cell. The space is minimalistic and cunning.

Kylo lets go of his grip on your arm, putting his hand back at his side as he walks over to the desk. You follow him with wide eyes, this place is amazing. You’ve never seen anything that looks like this. Only a sandy hut on Jakku and a room on D’Qar you had to share with a few random crew members.

You could definitely get used to this. _No_ , this place would _never_ be home. Your head shook away the thoughts.

His large handpicks up a tablet of sorts, clicking it on and a blue screen appears. “This is a data-pad. It’s going to show you the way around the ship. Other crew members information is available on here.” His gaze darted to you to make sure you were listening, “When I looked in your mind, I saw you were excellent at crafting when you lived on Jakku.” You felt pain stab you in the chest, a frown forming on your lips.

You remembered helping your village craft new huts, traps, mostly everything in your village was handmade or scavenged. Your mother taught you how to knit blankets, cook and make beautiful art. Your father taught you to construct furniture, how to fight and make weapons— quarterstaffs, arrows, knives…

“And you’re mediocre in combat. Hand to hand. Not blaster.” Kylo makes sure to point out, clicking a few things on the data-pad. You felt a little bit of confidence spike up in you when he complimented your skills, even if he said it was only mediocre. “I’ve assigned you to the combat station for now. You’ll be training with Kytana Sekel, she’s one of the best in the First Order. She will be able to–.” You cut him off before he could speak more.

“Let’s make a deal, Supreme Leader." You say a bit too sarcastically, "If I’m going to be working with the First Order alongside you and others, you can’t invade my memories, thoughts, _anything_ … Or bring up whatever you saw in my mind either. Sound good?” You state, hoping he wouldn’t argue with you about it. Kylo’s back straightens, his stature grows as he fully turns toward you.

You take a step back, his dark gaze falling over you. “Only if you stop interrupting me.” Ren’s voice was soft, so deep but he still has a wicked tone. It makes goosebumps form on your arms, crossing them over your chest so he wouldn’t notice. “ _Deal_.” Your voice is intense, “Deal.” He shoots back fiercely.

He takes a large step toward you which makes you have to point your chin up so you could see his face. “Your training starts tomorrow. Your data-pad will tell you when and where.” He speaks to you with a honeyed tone. He quickly slips past you and out of the door with a gesture of his hand.

You watch him leave hurriedly, your jaw goes slack in confusion. “What the…?” You ask yourself, shaking your head as your feet pad towards the bathroom door. You turn the knob then walk into the dark area, your hands blindly search for a switch but found a button instead. With a soft push, the lights turn on. The bathroom is the same as the rest of your quarters, gray and black with accents of a rose color. There’s a shower, toilet, sink and a hamper. How convenient.

Your gaze catches your own reflection in the mirror, you look different. Like you’ve been through a lot of shit. Your eyes are dark underneath and swollen, your cheeks were more sunken— not round, pink or healthy anymore.

After stripping away the grimy hospital attire you were wearing, you turn the shower on to a warm temperature. The water feels amazing as the stream cascades down your back and over your body, it helps release the tension in your muscles. You quickly wash your hair and body with the soap that was already there, the smell was amazing. It reminds you of the flowers on Takodana.

Blindly, you reach out of the shower to grab ahold of a towel that's hanging so you can wrap it around your wet body. The soft material soaks up the water, ringing your hair out before stepping out onto the cold tile. Carefully, you make your way to the sink and there was a toothbrush in a holder with toothpaste. “Wow… There’s everything here.” You say with a small laugh, taking some of the minty paste and brushing your teeth.

Once you are done, you walk out into the cold living area and to the closet. You hope there is something comfortable in here. You found a few changes of nightclothes inside of the closet, gray just like everything else and some other clothing you’ll have to scope out tomorrow morning.

You audibly groan, “Guess I’ll have to get used to it.” You drop your towel to pull on the new, soft pajamas. It feels weird to be wearing different clothes since you’ve been wearing those gross clothes for a week but the pajamas are so damn comfortable. You search around for the switch **(** or button **)** to turn the overhead lights off, “Aha!” you exclaim, hitting the button on the wall.

The lights began to slowly dim, giving you enough time to make it to your bed before it was completely dark in the living space. You crawl beneath the covers, not caring if your hair wasn’t brushed. You are too exhausted and mentally drained.

Your mind went to your mother and father, remembering the good times before they fled without you. It switches to Poe, Finn, and Rey. Leia and The Resistance. Your old friends, why did they have to leave you behind? Why did they give up on you?

Tears soak your pillow case as you began to fall to sleep, snuggling under the soft blankets on top of you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kylo is finally here ya'll


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After joining the First Order willingly, you receive your own quarters and you get assigned to train with a woman named, Kytana Sekel. You meet a few people onboard of the Star Destroyer. Unwillingly, you use the Force and wish to seek out Ren’s personal quarters to question him about it.

**Aboard the First Order Star Destroyer, _Finalizer_**

_beep! - beep! - beep! - beep!_

A loud shrill alarm is what wakes you out of your deep sleep, making you jerk awake. Your sleepy eyes look around in the dark for the thing that is emitting such an annoying noise, your hand taps around on the desk beside your bed. You grasp the data-pad and your finger pushes on the touchscreen— the sound cuts short. Your surroundings startle you, not realizing where you are until all the memories start to fade back from the day before.

A small groan falls from your lips as you push the warm blankets back to let the cold air fall over you. A shiver wracks your body as you hang your legs off of the bed before standing up. Busying yourself by making the bed quickly. Thankfully, you only woke up once last night which is much better compared to the minimal amount of sleep you got while contained in the cell.

Your legs bring you over to the button that turns on the lights, hitting it so your living space starts to brighten as you make your way toward the small kitchen. You find a glass cup to fill it with cold water so you can take a big gulp. Most of the lost strength has finally returned to your body, making it easier to move around, which is marvelous. After finishing the water, you walk over to the desk to grab swipe up the data pad to see when and where you need to be at your station.

With a click of a button, it springs to life with the same blue screen. A title underneath your fingers reads ’ _Star Destroyer, Finalizer — First Order.’_

You huff slightly with a frown, hoping this was all a nightmare but deep down you knew it couldn’t be. A chart pops up with countless of names, and you clickon your own profile. No picture thankfully but there is some basic information about you; your height, weight, measurements, birthplace, your first name…

Underneath all of your information there were words printed, ‘ **Training under Kytana Sekel, combat specialist and instructor**.’ and there is no mention of Kylo Ren. You silently thank whoever wrote that **(** it was probably Ren himself **)** If his name was under your information you’d be linked to him for good, but it’s not like he wasn't seen dragging you down the ships hallways or anything…

You click on a directory that brings you to the layout of the ship, your eyes dart around the screen looking for the training quarters that is surprisingly close to your living space.

You lay the data-pad down on the desk, saving the map for later. Gliding over to the closet to see what outfits were assembled for you, everything is black and gray. _Fantastic_. You pick out an outfit to be able to move in easily; a black tank top, stretchy high-waisted black pants, and lace-up combat boots. You quickly undress yourself, folding up your pajamas to lay them on your bed for later.

With some strength, you tug the tight pants up your legs before sliding the black tank top over your athletic brassiere that's similar to the fabric of the pants. Your sleeveless arms are a bit chilly, so you add a textured, black hooded tunic off of a hangar to cover your arms.

It's heavy in your hands like it was made out of an armorweave of some sort, thick enough to block blaster bolts that’s for sure. You note in your head to view the rest of the outfit that went with the tunic when you got back.

With the combat boots in your hands, you walk over to the cooking area to find something to eat for breakfast. You couldn’t make it to training on time if you stopped by the commissary beforehand. A loud, guttural growl emits from your stomach as you spot a breakfast biscuit mix with zoochberries mixed inside.

“Yes,” You groan happily, taking the bagged mixture from the cabinet. You read the instructions, pouring the amount of powdered dough into a bowl with a bit of water and with a quick stir, the dough begins to rise and form into the delicious breakfast biscuit you crave.

Once its done, you take it to the couch and plop down. “Slowly…” You gently warn yourself as you eat but instead, you quickly gobble it down like it was your first meal.

After you're done consuming the breakfast, you push your feet into the leather boots then laced them up. You clean up the mess you made then headed towards the washroom to clean yourself up; splashing cold water on your face, brushing your teeth and pulling your unruly bedhead into a ponytail under the tunic’s hood.

The new look almost mimicks Kylo Ren’s cloak, but not as long and dramatic as his, thankfully, but it still screams Kylo Ren. The thought makes you shiver. You can't wait to escape this damn ship and blow up every last one… _Stop_ — you could transmit the wrong thoughts to him without knowing. Since he is in your head now.

You turn around to walk out of the bathroom. You make sure to grab the data-pad before rushing out of your quarters.

The lights are bright around you, you squint as crew members walk down the hallways past you. You glance down at the data-pad for directions and take a left. From the looks of the map, you are going the correct way.

Your gut is telling you to stop, to tell Kylo Ren that you would rather die than work for him but another part of you was pushing you to go. Stormtroopers and commanding officers study you as they pass, you must look out of place. You can tell you’re getting close since you’ve been seeing more military personnel.

When you arrive at the combat range, your eyes widen as you rake in the large room. The ceilings are high and the walls are tall, there are countless of training stations with racks of different weapons for each post and there are other floors since you saw stairs off in the corner.

A large red and black banner of the First Order symbol hangs on the wall. There is a few people training in the blaster area and thankfully it was only stun blasters. You notice a woman and a man fighting on a large black mat, they are both holding quarterstaffs, but not wooden like the ones on Jakku. They are sleek and black.

From a distance, you could tell that the woman was beating the man in the competition. She is doing techniques you had never seen before, ninja-like flips and maneuvers. You gasped audibly when she hits the man right in the face, knocking him to the ground but he gets back up.

A man to your right looks over at you, his brows knitted in confusion from your gasp. “Sorry.” You cough out awkwardly, eyes darting back to the battle and they are shaking hands now? Then they part ways, it surprises you because it looks like they were truly furious with each other. Almost like they were fighting to the death.

The woman began to walk over to you, your palms began to sweat with nervousness.

_Is this Kytana Sekel, my trainer?_

As she gets closer, you instantly tell she is a part of the Chiss species. Her skin is blue with a pearlescent of silver, her pixie haircut is dark almost black but in the light, it seems to be navy blue.

Her eyes are the element that stands out the most on her face, they are completely blood red and almost glowing. Inked into her blue skin is a tattoo that creeps out from underneath the uniform she is wearing, her stature is much taller than you.

“Are you Y/N? I’m Kytana Sekel.” She introduces herself, now standing in front of you. Her azure lips curl up into a smile. Her staff is in her hand, pointing towards the ceiling vertically.

“Yes, that’s me.” You hurriedly reply with a smile that mimicks hers. Kytana reaches out her free hand to shake yours and you quickly take it,

“So, all of a sudden a new girl is assigned to me by our Supreme Leader? How odd.” She chuckles then rests her hand on her hip. “He mentioned that you’re below-average with hand to hand combat and you can’t shoot a blaster whatsoever.” She explained, your eyebrows furrow in frustration.

You really want to bring up taking out stormtroopers on Takodana but you had a feeling you’d be shunned or beaten up by her. You didn’t want to ruin the only chance of survival. “Well let’s get started.”

-

You are hurting, aching and burning from the rigorous training. Your chest is on fire as you breathe in shortened breaths. You are knocked down constantly by her staff— she sweeps it under your feet, hitting you with it and jabbing it into your abdomen. It hurts. You could feel bruises and welts starting to form under your skin.

“Come on, Y/N. Get up _._ You can’t let the enemy win.” She taunts you as she circles around you with her staff ready to strike.

Your weak arm grabs the staff laying on the ground next to you, standing up on your wobbly legs. You weakly attempt to swing it at her but she quickly blocks it which makes you stumble backward. Her arms strain to the side and nimbly strikes at you but you block it before she can hit you again.

Chest heaving with exertion, you closes your eyes when the staffs crossed against each other, focusing on remembering what your father taught you when you were a teenager. Your body drops to the ground to slide next to her with the staff held out horizontally, knocking it against her ankles to make her fall forward onto the black mat.

A loud ‘oof’ left her lips as her chest collides with the ground then her maniacal laugh rang in your ears. You stood your ground, pointing the end of the staff at her face as she is laughing. 

Why is she laughing at you?

“Why are you laughing?” Your teeth clench together as you seethed above her. “Because… I didn’t think… you would ever… knock me… down!” She continues to laugh throughout her sentence. “Kylo Ren and you underestimated me then.” You bite back fiercely, fire in your eyes.

Kytana rises up from her position, her hand reaches out to grab ahold of the staff in your hands. Your grip releases from it then you rub your sweaty palms against your pants. “Good job today. I can see that you have potential with the First Order.” She bows her head towards you and you copy her.

Kytana turns around to walk away but she spins around to face you again, still walking backward away from you, “A stormtrooper will be waiting for you outside. They are there to escort you to wherever you need to be. And here! Keep the staff, you can practice what you learned today.” She threw the black stick into the air, your hand coming up to catch it on instinct. You gave her a half-smile before she swivels back around.

Her words run through your head, ‘ _You have potential with the First Order.’_ What did Ren tell her about you?

-

After training, there ix a stormtrooper who is waiting right outside of the exit, just like Kytana said.

”Hi.” Your voice squeaks out nervously, the trooper gives you a nod. His blaster is in resting position, not looking like he was going to shoot you anytime soon. “Where would you like to be escorted to?” His voice spoke through his modulator.

Your stomach was empty since you’ve been training for at least two hours, “The commissary?” You asked softly with a questioning voice. “Right this way.” He ordered, beginning to walk down another corridor with you in tow.

You kept pace with him since he was only a little bit taller than you, “So…” You mumble out, “Am I allowed to ask you to bring me to the Supreme Leaders quarters?” You question the trooper.

“ _No_. That section of the Star Destroyer is restricted. Only specific personnel is allowed.” He speaks, “Right up here.” He told you, turning into a large eating hall with people bustling about and others eating. On the wall, there was a few TV’s to show the news, “Uh… _Wow_ …” You mumbled as you look around. “Let’s go, girl. Enough gawking.” The stormtrooper walks toward the cafeteria part of the commissary, grabbing a tray for himself but not for you. _What a gentleman_.

Your hands pick up a black plastic tray as you wait in the line behind him. You spoon on all the familiar food you could find. Like fruit and veggies, protein, bread and a sweet muffin for later. You make sure to get extra so you could bring it back to your quarters to store it.

It feels like everyone’s eyes are on you, even the droid behind the food counter was staring at you. You quickly pull the black hood over your head, following the stormtrooper to a table. You stop in your tracks when you realized he just sat down at a table full of troopers, their helmets sitting on the table next to their trays.You work up the courage to continue to follow him.

“Is this seat taken?” You ask one of the other troopers, he looks up at with a mouth full of food, “Go ahead.” He makes a gesture for you to sit with his hand patting the seat. The trooper who was escorting you rolls his eyes then starts to eat while chatting with his fellow employees.

You hid ebehind the black hood as you slowly eat, trying not to listen to the missions they were bragging about. The trooper next to you juts his hand into your field of vision, “I’m JK-5129, and you are?” He asks.

You gently took his hand to shake it, “Y/N,” Your voice is hesitant.

“You know… You kinda look like that guy, our Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren _._ ” He jokes. You angle your head towards him to glare at him from underneath the black hood, “Not your face! Just your uniform.” He holds his hands up in surrender with a small nervous laugh. “Is that a quarterstaff on your back?”

You smile at him sweetly then continued to eat, “Yes it is, and it was nice meeting you… Uhhh… JK-something, but I should be on my way now.” You tell him with a small half-sided grin, you stand up with your tray in your hands then you waltz right out of the commissary.

“JK-5129!” You could hear him yell at you as you walked out, you didn’t care about the trooper who was assigned to escort you everywhere. You’re not a child, you can handle yourself fine and you needed to eat someplace else.

You wanted to find where Kylo Ren’s quarters are but you knew it would be a bad idea to just show up. What would you even say to him?

‘ _Oh hi. I got lost. I didn’t know your quarters were here. Oops.’_ Some bull like that.

Instead, you retreat back to your own quarters to put away the food you wished to save. You sat on the plush couch after leaning the quarterstaff against the wall, a sob left your lips as tears began to well in your eyes.

Your body curls into a ball, you haven’t felt this lonely before. You always had someone to talk to and confide in. You slowly motivate yourself to get up off of the couch, not wanting to drown yourself in your own tears.

Reality, stay in reality. Your parents want you to survive, so you need to.

With anger you snatch the staff off of the wall, standing in a stance Kytana taught you. You swing it around fluidly while spinning your body at the same time, pretending to strike somebody in front of you. After repeating the move continuous times, you give up. You need to shower. You rid yourself of your sweaty clothes then you walk into the bathroom.

Afterwards, once you're all clean you get into pajamas then you grab your staff again. You shuffle around your living space with the staff spinning in your hands, your hair drips down your back as you fight your own thoughts.

Something in the back of your mind is pushing you to go seek out Kylo Ren’s quarters, to confront him or to do something.

What would you even do if he answered? The staff accidentally flies out of your hands from being unfocused, your eyes squeeze shut waiting for it to collide with your head. Your hands instinctively goes above your head to catch it before it hit you but nothing happened. No noise of it hitting the floor and the staff didn’t collide with you either. Your eyes widen at the sight above you, the staff is frozen in the air. The Force. You somehow use your mind to make the staff float back toward your hand slowly then you grasp it.

I guess that gives you an answer. You grip the staff tightly and clutch the data-pad with your free hand, hitting the familiar buttons to bring up the layout of the ship.

His quarters have to be somewhere on this damn Star Destroyer, you’ll find it someway, _somehow_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you're liking it so far! since i originally posted/post this fic on my tumblr, i've been editing the old chapters since my writing was crappy back then. if u see an error just ignore pls.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With your assigned datapad, you try to discover where Kylo Ren’s chambers are. You come across some obstacles, but you finally arrive there with the help from a First Order Officer. You question Ren about the Force, but things get a little out of hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: dark use of the force & explicit language

Footsteps echo as you stomp down the nearly empty hallways, your hair is still damp, descending down your back as it soaks into the shirt you have on. Unfortunately, you are in your pajama shirt and shorts with combat boots. Such a fashion statement.

By the looks of it, there is a part of the map that says ‘restricted’ and that’s probably where Kylo Ren is, at least you think. You have to be alert and on guard. You pass through the chilly hallways, not wanting to get caught by someone who knew you aren't allowed to be in this area of the ship. You take another peek at the data-pad, seeing the mark that indicates where you are is now in front of the restricted area. That's good… Right? Maybe you should just turn back before it’s too late.

You lift your eyes from the data-pad and in front of you is an elevator, it leads to the upper floors known as the Officer Row. Your head turns to looks left to right down each of the other hallways to make sure the coast is clear before you scurry over to the lift. Your hand repeatedly clicks the button so the doors would open.

You took a hesitant step inside of the metallic elevator. Your eyes scanned the small area, seeing another button on a panel— that must be the button to make it go up but there was also a keypad. It must need a code. You stomped your foot down on the ground in frustration. 

“Seriously?” You ask yourself, looking up at the ceiling as you try to think of all the possible codes. What about code to get into your quarters? **3470**.

Quickly, you punched it in. _Eer!_ A sharp alarm sounds which makes you jump. “Shit.” You murmur, rubbing your temples as you paced the small square space. You remember the stormtrooper you met in the commissary.

_What the hell is his name?! JK-529? No! His name had four numbers, idiot!_

Your head falls forward, resting on the chilly, metal surface of the elevator wall. The doors slide closed and the elevator starts to rise up. Your breath catches in your throat as you spin around to face the doors, your hands grip onto the metal bars on the inside. Who is going to be on the other side?

The lift halts at the second flor, the doors slowly open to reveal a First Order Officer. Thank the stars. You thought it was going to be General Hux. She has on a distinctive dark uniform on with a hat and blaster in a holster on her side.

“Excuse me? Who are you?” She asks a line appeared in between her brows as she questions you. She took in the sight of you in your pajamas. “Um… Can I get around you real quick? I’m trying to get to my quarters.“ You quickly slide past her and dash down the hallway, “Thanks!” You call out before disappearing around the corner. You suck in a deep breath, hands resting on your knees as you hunch over.

Your eyes open to take in the new surroundings, the hallways were much darker on the upper level; floors are black and the walls are sleeker than the dull gray down below. There are mechanical doors spaced out down the hallways, the chambers up here must be much larger than the others.

 _Obviously_. Their status is much higher in the military than you, a Resistance _rescue_? The thought made you get nauseous.

Your feet began to take you down the completely empty hallways, the sound echoes as you prowled. You are trying to see if you would feel anything if you got closer to him. Nothing happened. Beside you is a small window, it reminds you of the one in your cell but the view outside is swirling with blue and stripes of white.

The ship is in hyperspace, where could the First Order be going? You feel absolutely defeated as you slide your back down the wall and put your head into your knees.

With the datapad still in your hands, you peered at it. The map changed from blue to a gray and the layout completely changed as well. More hallways then you expected. It was a bad idea to give you a map of the ship, your curiosity definitely was one of your flaws.

You rise to your feet to walk down the maze of corridors until another officer stepped out of a room. They noticed you. _Dammit!_

“Excuse me, miss. I don’t think you’re permitted to be on this floor.” He speaks as he marches towards you, “The Supreme Leader asked me to come to his chambers but I can’t seem to find it. I got lost.” You stretch the truth, hoping he would give in to your lies.

“Let me escort you to the lower level.” He insists, his hand goes to wrap around your arm to guide you, “But, wait! If I am not accounted for by the Supreme Leader, he will be very angry. I know you know that.” Your voice sounds urgent, “You don’t want us both to be killed do you?” The Officer starts to act nervous, frightened almost by the mention of Kylo Ren's title.

The man leans closer, “Go straight, take a left, and on your right, there will be an entryway you have to open with a code, **6670**. There’s another corridor behind the door. It’s a straight shot to his chambers.” He whispers in your ear.

“Thank you so much, sir!” You smiled as you backed up from him. Beginning to run down the hallway. You follow his instructions by taking a left, and on your right, there was a door that was much larger than all the others. There were no other chambers near it either. You pressed the code into a keypad and the door swooshes open automatically.

A strong shiver courses through your body, your arms suddenly getting cold and your hair stood up from your skin. _He’s definitely here._ If you can feel him, can he feel your presence too?

With quiet footsteps, you tip-toe down the eerily quiet hallway, the walls are dark red, almost black and the floor is black with lights that trim the walkway. You hope he wouldn’t get angry at you or slice you in half from invading his personal space. You take notice upon another door, but there is nothing to press. Your fist lifts to the metal surface and with a deep shaky breath, you knock softly.

You gulped as you waited, hearing heavy footsteps behind the door made a tingle travel up your spine and all over your nerve-endings. The door opens. There he is in all his glory, Kylo Ren.

His attire is much different than his normal black armor and cloak. He's wearing a long sleeve black tee-shirt and matching black joggers with socks covering his feet and his hair is damp like yours. His thick eyebrows crinkle in confusion at the sight of you, “I’m sorry… for this unplanned visit.” You blurt out, “I need to talk to you… Something happened.” You mutter out.

“I sensed it. Come in.” He took a step backward, his hand stayed in front of the door so it wouldn’t close on you.

“I would have rather had you ask where I was instead of showing up unexpected.” His voice broke the silence as his feet pads down a little hallway and you follow after him quickly.

Lights are embedded into the metal walls of the hallway that leads to a large opening, your feet take a hesitant step into the main living area, eyes taking it all in. It's dark, very dim, the only source of light was those in the wall and a huge window that was cut into three smaller ones. The enormous window overlooks machinery of sorts, most likely of the ship. To the left of the window is a kitchen, and positioned in front of it is a living area. It is much nicer than yours.

Kylo Ren stands by the arm of the couch, gesturing with his hand for you to sit. Why didn’t he want to sit down too?

You comply as you scurry to go sit on the couch, your body sinking into the dark cushions. He moves to sit across from you in a large chair, “How did you get the code to access my quarters?” His voice was hoarse with fatigue, his massive hand runs across his pale features to push a piece of wet hair out of his face. “If you’re tired, I can leave-”

Ren cuts you off, “Just answer the question.” His voice grumbles with annoyance, your shoulders tensing from the sudden change. “An officer caught me sneaking around, I threatened him and he slipped it to me.” You avert your gaze from his cold one.

“You can’t threaten one of my officers, Y/N.” Kylo lectures you with a loud sigh. That was the first time he said your name. You didn’t think he even knew your name, the sound of it rolling off of his tongue made you feel some type of way.

“I needed to talk to you urgently. I have questions.” You glance up at him, something struck inside of you when you lock eyes with him.

“That doesn’t give you an obligation to threaten a higher member of the First Order. You could have easily just asked me to come see you. I would have…" He trails off, " _I hope you didn’t forget that are minds are bridged._ ” Kylo comments the last sentence inside of your head, his posture slouches in the chair. You haven’t seen the man so laid-back ever.

“I’m sorry.” You mutter sheepishly, feeling heat settle on your cheeks.

“Now, what questions did you have for me?” Kylo questions once he sits up straight, his elbows rest on his knees and his hands clasped together as he looks at you intently. Your mind begins to work miles a minute, “The Force, what is it? Why do I have it? I could never use it and now I suddenly can? Will I get more powerful? What-“

Kylo’s hand comes up to halt your spew of questions leaving your mouth, “That’s _enough_. One at a time.” His voice was dripping with annoyance, the grip diminishes on your vocal chords. “Before you ask another question, yes. I did just do that. You were getting quite annoying.” You sigh with a small unnoticeable frown as he rubs his temples.

“The Force is an energy field that is connected to all the things in the galaxy. Only a select group of individuals have the strength to harness the powers of the Force, it runs in your blood. One of your parents or grandparents and so on must have passed it down. When I was in your mind, your memories went back to when you were an infant. Your parents knew that you had the Force before you were born. Your mother and father could use the force, but he chose to keep it hidden from you.” Kylo clears his throat before continuing, “Time for my question… You told me that you used it, how?” He asked inquisitively.

“First of all, you broke the deal— about not bringing up my memories,” One of your eyebrows raise, “I was practicing with my quarterstaff that Kytana let me borrow. It slipped out of my hands and I covered my head so it wouldn’t hurt me. It was frozen in the air and I made it float to my hand somehow,” You mumbled, your hand rubbed your temple, mimicking Kylo’s earlier action’s.

His eyes squinted at you as he thinks hard, “The Force is stronger in you than I anticipated,” His voice breathes out, his fingers drum on his knees, “You may get more powerful as the days go by…” His voice trails off again.

You could feel the lump started to swell in your throat, it was all so overwhelming. The sound of having a power, that could possibly kill someone and it’s getting stronger, it’s terrifying. Kylo’s eyebrows furrowed, almost like he noticed a change in your emotion.

“Let me train you. You need a teacher, I can show you the ways of the Force. You won’t be overwhelmed anymore, you will learn how to harness it correctly.” He stands up on his feet, his eyes looking down at you as he gulps, his adams apple bobs. You stand swiftly, hot tears pooling in your eyes.

A sudden anger washes over your body, “I don’t want that kind of power! I don’t want to be a monster!” Your voice raises unexpectedly, not realizing what you said until Kylo’s facial expressions screw up in fury.

“A monster? You are lucky that you can wield the Force! You could become powerful and have ultimate strength within the First Order!” He takes a step towards you, “You would no longer be a weak girl.” His voice drips with venom.

Your hands come up to his chest, planting them firmly against it to push him backward. Kylo stumbles and that just pours more fuel into the fire. “You can’t call me weak! I can’t believe have the audacity to say that?! I trekked through Jakku after YOU massacred MY village! I came across Rey and she was kind enough to take me in!”

The sound of her name makes him grow angrier, “I fought your damn troops on Takodana and killed them! I ran from the First Order with Rey and Finn, the ‘traitor’ you’ve been looking for! She will never side with the First Order and you know it.” Pain flickers across his face, his eyes full of hatred.

“I made a huge fucking mistake, I should have died instead of joining you, _Supreme Leader._ ” If it was possible, steam would be shooting out of your ears right about now. Your face was hot with anger, eyebrows knitted together. It mirrored his expression. Anger is boiling like lava between you and him, both of your emotions are vacillating between your bodies. He transfers his anger to you and you did the same to him.

Kylo Ren’s hand twitches, you could feel your throat constricting as his fist tightens at his side, being able to breathe is becoming difficult. Whats going on? Your body starts to lift from the floor, your hands claw at the invisible noose wrapped around your neck— All you feel is hot pain. It feels like your lungs are burning up on the inside, your heartbeat sounds in your ears as your face grows redder and veins popped out on your forehead. “Don’t ever come here again.” His voice growls maliciously.

You can feel yourself teetering on the edge of consciousness, your eyes bulge from your head and your vision begins to fade to black. Then the grip from your neck disappears, your body falls into a heap on the floor as you gasp for air desperately. You rake in the air as hot, angry tears stream down your cheeks. Thank god, you could finally breathe again.

“Leave. Now.” Ren’s own eyes are glassy and wide as he stares down at you, his nostrils flared. He realized what he had done. Before you could even register his pained expression, he quickly turns around to storm into another room.

Your back arches up like a cat as you wheeze, coughs wrack your body. You sob against the cold floor, tears dripping from your eyes onto the floor. After you felt like you are well enough, you slowly stand up. Your hand comes up touch your neck, a hiss leaves your lips from the contact. It’s definitely going to be bruised.

Your head pounds as you stared out of the huge window to watch the operating machinery, sparks flew from it, AT-ST walkers are stomping around. You wonder what it could be. With a small sniffle, you wipe your wet nose on the back of your hand. Slowly, you wobble your way out of his chambers. It's going to be a long night.

Once you had reached your much smaller quarters, you were welcomed by that gray again. Somehow, it was more comforting compared to all harsh black on the Officers floor. You drag your sore body towards your bed, the whole room was pitch black as you climbed underneath the sheets. Sleep slowly began to wash over your brain, eyelids fluttering closed.

-

_There's screams, blood-curdling screams. Your eyes snap open at the sound, you aren't with the First Order anymore, you were in a temple of some sort. Your lungs were constricting from the thick smoke that surrounded you. What’s happening? There was heat, unbearable, overwhelming heat; it felt like your skin was bubbling and was going to melt off._

_Fire._

_Crackling, angry fire is around you, lighting the building ablaze. People run past you, bumping into your body as they ran. They're running from something. You start to follow, feet picking up in pace as you start to grow faster but you run right into something, it was a person. A much taller person. Now you’re on the warm grassy ground, staring up at the man above you. In his hand was an ignited lightsaber, it was blue. Just like Rey’s. Some of the people in the group who were running with you began to scream at the sight of him, sprinting back towards where you came from but a piece of the fiery building broke off and was propelled at them. Some missed it but the others weren’t so lucky as they were squished by the debris._

_Terror ran through your veins, trying to scramble backward from this person on your hands. He was wearing beige padawan clothing that matched the ones he had just murdered, “Ben Solo.” You spoke out in your head, the teenage boy looked down at you. He was different, he had no scar that went across his face. His skin was tan and tinted pink, his black hair was shorter in a more neat style. His whole face screamed fury, betrayal, anger but his eyes were glassy as tears dripped out. He was in pain, conflicted._

_“He’s dead. I killed him.” His voice was brittle and taut, “No, Solo. Don’t betray your uncle. You can be a powerful Jedi beside us.” Your voice surprised you but didn’t sound like your own voice. Who are you? It was like you were watching events from someone else’s perspective. You could see your hand gripping a cylinder object attached to your belt, you were wearing beige cloth that matched his but some fabric was blue. “Don’t make me do this, Ben. Don’t let Snoke brainwash you.” The voice emitted again, no fear seemed to be there although you were shaking. “Don’t talk about him, Syrin. You have no place. He is **my** Supreme Leader, you are just a worthless Jedi like Luke Skywalker!” His voice screamed, his lightsaber came down to strike you but another saber ignited. It was in your hand. The color was astonishing, it was a bright gray. _

_Your hand came up to push him back with the force but he was too strong, his saber swung at you once you got closer and burned your abdomen. “Ben! This isn’t you!” Your voice screamed as you swung her saber and began to grow weak, Ben blocked every swing. He dropped as he dodged the swing from you, his saber came down swiftly to slice your hand clean off which made you scream in pain._

-

A scream leaves your lips as you wake up, you instantly sit up in bed. Eyes frantic as you search for the desk lamp, turning it on quickly. Sweat is rolling down your skin in beads, your pajamas are soaked. Your eyes frantically search for your hands, seeing that they are still attached to your arms. A relieved sigh falls from your lips, rubbing your forehead as you get out of bed. Your throat is unbelievably sore, the skin on the outside is sensitive too. You check the data-pad, seeing that it was about time to get up anyway so you went to go to the bathroom to take a quick shower.

When the light turns on, you're startled by your own appearance— eyes sunken in and bloodshot, hair disheveled in a nest on top of your head and what caught your eye was the bruise that is shaped like a hand; five purple welts distinctively shaped like his fingers wrapped around your neck. Your hands grip the edges of the sink as you fight back tears, the lump in your throat made you want to scream from the pain that throbs from the area. “ _Don’t let this break you down. You’re stronger than this.”_

You talk to yourself in your head, letting the tears fall as you sob and choke on your sadness. With heavy feet, you shuffle over to the shower to turn it on and jump in. The hot water feels amazing on your sore body, hoping it would calm down the pain that aches in your throat.

After cleaning yourself, you get out with a different attitude. A confident almost icy one. You're going to do your best at training today, no matter what happened the night before.

You exit the bathroom and you walk over to the closet to find an outfit. The extra outfit startles you, it's new. It's almost the same as your other outfit you trained in, spandex pants but the t-shirt is dark gray with a blood red First Order symbol sewn into the sleeve.

“Great.” You mumble as you pulled your clothes on. There was nothing to cover your bruise. Without realizing, your arm extends from your side to summon your staff to your hand, it shot over to your hand quicker than you could turn your head. You are getting stronger. Just like Ren said.

“I hope I don’t accidentally hurt someone.” You take a deep breath and look at the door, you extended your free hand. With all the Force you could muster up, you tested your powers trying to open the door with your mind. The metal door creaked and groaned… Alas, nothing happened.

A loud sigh rumbled in your chest as you stomped over to push the button so you could open it manually instead. You marched down the brightly lit hallway towards the training room, hoping nobody would stare at your bruise on your neck.

Of course, that didn’t happen. Everyone one who passed by you glimpsed at the welt before quickly turning their gaze away. They knew it was the work of Kylo Ren. He is the only one with the Force onboard, at least they thought he was. You finally arrive to the training room without directions, wandering into the familiar area to see Kytana waiting for you.

“Wow… What happened to you?” Kytana questions as she walks beside you towards the mat. “I think you have an idea.” Your voice is stern as you get into the starting position with your staff.

“Let’s get started.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A week has passed since you last saw Kylo Ren, and since you were Force-choked. Present day, your trainer is planning to duel with you in a sparring match. Ren makes an unwanted appearance and you go try to find Ailla, the nurse who took care of you.

_It has been longer than a week since the last time you saw Kylo Ren. The bruises he had left you with are starting to fade, leaving a hue of green against your skin in the place of dark purple. He was right. You are getting stronger in the force— It feels like raw, untamed power buzzing throughout your body. You’ve tried to ignore it, tried to stop it from growing but there is never a solution for it._

_Kytana has been training you in combat for ten days now and excelling in sparring with her made you stronger. All of the stances and strikes are perfected. Next time you train with her, you both will spar each other in a match. You will show the First Order how strong you truly are._

-

Now, it is day eleven, the day of the match. After arriving at the training center, you walk into the ring you and Kytana are supposed to fight on. She had given you proper attire for the occasion. It's just like hers. It is a tight black jumpsuit with gray lines slanted down the waist of the uniform, unlike Kytana’s blue stripes. The collar is shaped like a turtleneck with a slit down the middle shaped like a V. Your hair is pulled up into a high ponytail, the fabric wrapping around the base of your hair is a dark red.

You already knew how you were going to go into this fight, positioning your body into a cat stance, leaning most of your weight on your dominant leg that is positioned behind you, the other leg that’s positioned in front of you, was barely touching the mat. In your hands was your black staff that you personalized. You ripped one of your shirts that had a First Order symbol and tied the fabric around the stem of the staff, holding it in your fists with one palm up and the other down, hand length apart.

Kytana gave you a nod of approval to start fighting, her red eyes squinted into slits. People began to crowd around to watch you both. Goosebumps rose on your arms, but you took a deep breath to focus. “ _Focus. Focus._ ” You talked to yourself in your head.

Teeth gritted angrily like a snarling animal, your back leg accelerated you forward, blocking Kytana’s overhead strike as you spun around her left side. You catapulted yourself in the air to do a front flip onto the mat to dodge her repeated strikes at your body. She was quick, too quick for you. Swiftly standing to your feet with your staff gripped in your fists, holding one end against your ribs as you jabbed it at her shoulder to make her stumble backward.

You quickly began to spin the staff in your hand like a propeller as she repeatedly tried to lance you but her staff kept contacting yours. You dropped to the ground to nimbly somersault forward to try and get behind her but she spun around too quick and her staff came in contact with your palm. On the floor, you gripped the pointed end of her staff, tugging at the end to get it out of her hands but she was too strong as she kept pushing.

_The Force_. It buzzed through your veins and you spun your head to the entrance. to see the door open. As you peeked through the crowd of people you saw a few stormtroopers pile in before Kylo Ren strides in. He was attired in a black tank top, his black slacks were high on his abdomen and he wore his same black boots. The second thing you noticed was his stature and his build— you just thought it was all of the black armor piled onto his body. Even from your proximity from him, you could see a healed burn mark on his shoulder and a slice on his other arm. He got those when he fought Rey on the Starkiller Base.

Ren is like a mountain, his presence casting a shadow of darkness over the large area— people scurried out of his way and even some of your audience left the training center because of his existence. Something hanging on his belt caught your eye, a lightsaber hilt. For a split second, his brown eyes shifted and came in contact with yours until Kytana pushed the staff forward and made your head jerk back and come in contact with the rubber mat, really hard.

The crowd began to mutter and walk away. Your face screwed up in pain, eyes squeezing shut as your ears rang, feeling your heartbeat in your temples. Other than pain, you felt the pressure of anxiety in your chest but it didn’t feel like your own feelings.

Her staff pulled away from her striking position and dropped to the ground next to yours, you could hear the thump when the staff collided with the floor and the padding of heavy footsteps come up next to you.

“Y/N, Y/N! Are you okay?” Kytana’s hand tapped on your cheek, your eyes peeked open to see her crouched next to you and standing above you was Kylo Ren. _Great_. Your upper lip raised at the side in a small snarl from the sight of him. His body bent down to grab ahold of your hands and tug you up to your feet, “Next time don’t get distracted. The enemy doesn’t have mercy. You would have been killed if she wasn’t your trainer,” He reprimanded you with a stern voice, giving Kytana a small nod of approval before gliding past between you both towards a large door.

Your wide eyes darted from him then back to Kytana, “You’re dismissed,” Her voice is quiet as she blinked a few times with a surprised look on her face, “Between you and I, he is a confusing man.” Kytana laughed quietly into your ear which made you giggle as well.

“Thanks for the match today… I have a question, do you know where that door leads?” Your finger gestures towards the door he disappeared behind, “He trains too, Y/N. Just not with everyone else. See ya tomorrow. Get some rest.” She swiped the staffs off of the floor to give you back yours and to grab her own. You put the quarterstaff into the carrier that was hanging on your back before walking out of the training area.

-

Muscle memory took you through the halls of the ship towards your personal quarters. A dull thump still resides in your head from hitting it against the mat. You dreaded to step inside of the small living space since you don’t have anything else to do. You realized that everything was much tidier than when you left for training, you didn’t make your bed and somehow it’s made perfectly. A chambermaid of some sort maybe? Leaning your staff against the metal wall, you huffed as you thought about what you could do.

The whole ship trembled, making you stumble forward and the items shake in your room. The loud hum that vibrated the walls halted and you’re left with silence— The ship jumped out of hyperspace. Maybe you could finally get out of this place. The thought made you sad, you’ll miss Ailla, the droid, and Kytana. All the people you met are truly good people, they just believe in what they think is right, or maybe they don’t believe in what the First Order follows but they had no other choice but to join them…

You snatched the hooded tunic off of your desk chair where it laid to put it over your shoulders, lifting the hood over your head. Your hand came out to reach for your staff, the object snapped towards your hand in mid-air. With precision, you began to fight the air in front of you; doing all the strike combinations you could think of to fight the air. Your teeth were gritted angrily, choking back tears as you grunted with each swift strike.

_“They all betrayed you. Poe. Rey. Leia. Finn. Rose. Ailla. The Resistance. Kylo Ren. Your parents. Yourself.”_

You jabbed your fake opponent and let out a loud, deep scream, letting all your pain out through your voice. You didn’t realize that some items in your living area were floating until you looked around. A gasp left your lips and everything dropped to the floor with a loud thud. The grip on your staff freed and it fell to the ground. You stormed out of your quarters, you needed to find your old friend, Ailla.

-

You pulled the hood over your face as far as it would go so no one would recognize you. Loud footsteps echoed in the empty corridors, only some of the medical staff were going in an out of the doors that lead to the medical ward. You made sure to stand close enough behind them as they swiped their keycard so you could slip in with them unnoticed. When you picked your head up, you looked around the area. It wasn’t familiar to you so it must not be the floor you were stationed on.

The medical staff looked up at the sight of you like your dark colors catching their eye. You could tell their expressions went blank and face paled. You sauntered over to the nurse station, your hands splaying out on the cold countertop. You didn’t want to have this impression on people just because of what you’re wearing. It may look like Kylo Ren but you aren’t like him. The feeling made your chest go tight.

“Hello. I’m looking for a nurse that goes by Ailla.” You asked, their scared expression was replaced with sadness, some people averted their gazes to let another nurse answer instead. “She was let off weeks ago. She just… disappeared.” The secretary told you, “I’m sorry. I can get you another nurse if you’d like? If that would suffice.”

The color drained from _your_ face now, tears shimmering in your eyes. You felt hopelessness and pure rage. Kylo Ren had something to do with this. It had to of been him or one of his knights.

You spun your body around, back facing them now— not wanting your weakness to show. You looked over your shoulder to reply, “No thank you. Sorry for wasting your time.” Your voice was cold and bitter, rushing forward towards the exit, your fist tightened at your side, making the doors slide open as you stormed out of the sector.

-

Following the familiar hallways, your feet stomp loudly against the metal floors as you passed countless First Order Officers and crew. The halls were much busier than the night you sought out Kylo Ren. You needed to get to the command center. There was no way that Ren would be in his quarters after the ship had just dropped from hyperspace.

It took you a bit to make your way around the Star Destroyer, noticing a landmark which was the elevator you used to get up to the Officers Row. The elevator was being used repeatedly, military personnel went in and out of it. Before the doors closed again, you scurried up to them to wedge your hand between the metal so it wouldn’t close on you. The elevator beeped and the doors began to open, taking a step inside of the crowded area.

Quickly apologizing to the people for making them wait, no one answered you. The thought of Ailla bubbled back in your brain, you prayed and begged in your mind that she wasn’t killed or hurt. If her disappearance had anything to do with Kylo Ren, you will personally try to murder him and you do not care about the consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for some reason when i wrote this fic a while ago i kept writing in past tense????? i've gotten too lazy to edit every chapter to present terms so im just gonna stop and post the original ones from tumblr. in the more recent chapters i ended up realizing what i was doing & switched it.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out that your past nurse and old friend, Ailla, has disappeared you automatically assume that Kylo Ren has something to do with it. You go to confront him and find out that you’ve grown even stronger in the Force than you could ever imagine. Kylo Ren gives you an ultimatum.

The cold draft inside the elevator was thankfully blocked by the outfit you had on, the area felt even smaller with all the people inside of it, “Do you know where the control room is?” You rocked your body back and forth on the heels of your boots awkwardly as you asked one of the men standing next to you.

The brooding man turned towards you, he was much older with wrinkles between his brows, corner of his eyes and his cheeks, his gray hair was barely noticeable under his Officer hat. His gaze looked you up and down, eyeing your tight outfit.

“And you don’t?” He replied sarcastically, your throat cleared to answer him strongly, “I’m actually new. Believe it or not,” You pointed out, the elevator dinged and the doors slid open. “You can follow me, I will be passing by there,” The man huffed, you eyed the blaster in the holster wrapped around his waist. “Thank you, sir.” You mumbled as you trailed close behind him, his hands stayed put behind his back.

The burn of people’s gazes tore into you, it felt as if everyone’s attention was focused on you. _Yes_ , you are wearing something not most people wear on this floor and _yes_ , your hood slightly resembles their Supreme Leader _and_ you are getting escorted by someone highly ranked in the First Order military.

The man halted his feet, making you almost run right into his back. “Right through that door is the control room.” He gave you a curt nod before walking away. He didn’t even give you enough time to thank him. Your eyes peeled away from him, trailing to the large door in front of you. You outreached your hand, tensing up as you used the Force to open the door. It worked, then you realized that there was a button next to the door all along. _Oh well._

You took a hesitant step into the large area. The windows expanded across the front wall to show the vast twinkling space, the floor fell in two places to create a walkway that leads to the controls. In the floor sat computers and crew sitting in front of each monitor, doing something **(** most likely **)** important; Holograms, maps, stormtroopers, military… It was bustling like the castle on Takodana but it was much more serious.

You noticed him, his large stature towering over General Hux as they spoke with a man sitting down at the control station. A fire burned inside of you, settling in your chest and heating up your neck. You noticed that some of the people below you in the pit in the floor, they saw you and looked confused from your presence, wondering who you are. You squared your shoulders, standing straight as you stomped over to Kylo Ren.

His soaring height towered over you, his back facing you. General Hux noticed you first, his green eyes stared into you as he eyed your outfit like the man in the elevator. Kylo didn’t know you were here, he couldn’t feel you but it felt like your whole body was tingling. General Hux cleared his throat, raising his index finger up to shut up the other man he was having a conversation with.

“Excuse me, Supreme Leader but _she_ is behind you.” The Generals words evidently caused Ren to be annoyed, you could tell by how his shoulders tensed up. Gulping thickly, Ren turned around to face you. His dark hair was in messy waves that framed his pale scarred face, dark circles sunken under his eyes. You didn’t know who was going to speak first, you just glared at him. “I’ve come to speak with you. Hopefully _alone_.” You spoke up, voice strong and confident. “Couldn’t you have done it another way?” Kylo’s voice bit back harshly, talking through his teeth.

General Hux is smirking as he stood behind Ren, “Excuse me, sir. I don’t mean to be intrusive but I don’t think it is appropriate if your _intimate_ life interferes with work.” Hux’s gloved hand came to rest on Kylo’s shoulder and his other hand went onto yours. Kylo’s head and your head whirled around at the same time to grimace at him, your facial expressions mimicked each other’s. “General, there is absolutely _no_ intimate relations.” Kylo’s voice growled, eyebrows pinching together in anger. You could tell by his rising breathing rate, “What you’re inferring to is incorrect.” You swallowed the humor that bubbled in you from this conversation.

Kylo felt your emotions and scoffed as he stood up straight, “This way,” Kylo’s cape floated as he took a large step towards the opposite direction. You stood there for a moment longer, glaring at Hux and pushing his hand off of your shoulder before you began to follow Kylo into a room that branched off of the command room. Inside was a metal table and one metal chair, a bright light was in the ceiling.

“Are you going to interrogate me?” You laughed softly, plopping down into one of the metal chairs with a soft clank. “No,” Kylo simply stated, rolling his eyes as he stood there being tall, dark and emo. “I went to visit my old friend, Ailla. Does that ring a bell?” You pried, your index finger and thumb played with your bottom lip as you watched his facial expressions furrow. “Yes, your nurse when you were injured?” His statement sounded more like a question, his arms crossed over his chest.

“I went to go visit her and she’s gone, Ren. She. Is. Gone.” Anger was obvious in your voice, feeling tears threatening to spill.

“And? What does this have to do with me?” Kylo confusingly answered, his arms staying in the same place. “You interrupted my work as a Supreme Leader for this? A missing nurse?” He scowled.

“Yes I did because you obviously had something to do with it. She’s gone for some odd reason. Did you do something to her?” You quickly stood, pushing the chair back into the wall, slowly walking over to him. “Why would she disappear after I was discharged? That seems a little sketchy don’t you think?” You cocked your head to the side slightly as you walked closer to him.

“Why would I do something to a nurse?” Kylo’s arms stayed in the same spot crossed against his chest, “I don’t have the time for this,” Kylo almost chuckled at you, his biceps tensing, “You could’ve had one of your men do it,” Your shoulders shrugged, standing right in front of him now. His head was angled down to look down at your smaller body, your head angled up to see him. You mimicked his stance, crossing your arms over your body.

“You should trust what your Supreme Leader tells you.” Kylo’s expression flashed anger, his emotions transferred to you. Feeling the heat of it flood your body, “You are no Supreme Leader to me!” You wailed, arms uncrossing to push against his chest just like the other night. He was unfazed as he dropped his arms to his sides, eyebrows furrowing in confusion as you drummed your fists against his hard chest repeatedly.

“You rescued me when I didn’t want to be rescued, forced me to confide in the First Order for the sake of _my_ survival!” You kept hitting his rocklike chest, skin aching from the harsh contact with his armor.

“You fucking _killed_ my village, my people, my family… The Resistance left me! You should have just left me to die!” You screamed, pushing at his body again but you unwillingly used the Force. The strong compulsion caused Kylo to lose his balance and stumble back against the wall and your body was thrown backward, hitting against the floor. He is much stronger than you. His eyes blew up wide, a small gasp left your lips. He stood up straight, taking an angry step towards you.

Body quivering and wincing as you prepared for him to choke you again, but it never happened. Your eyes peeked open to see him standing tall above you, his eyes wide with fear and shock. “You’ve gotten much stronger since the last time I saw you.” His voice trailed off, gulping as if he was nervous.

“Y/N, I want you to be my apprentice. I can show you how to control it, to use it correctly. You will only get stronger; There’s no time to think, join me…” Kylo’s naked hand extended, you could see his pale fingers shaking gently. Why is he so nervous?

His words ran through your head, ringing in your ears. Your heart rate picked up, tears up in your eyes. If you take his hand, it will betray everything you were taught as you grew up, it will betray the Resistance… but they already betrayed you, hadn’t they? The thought saddened you. You had no one else, but him…

Kylo’s eyes begged you as he watched your hand raise from its position against the floor. You felt his calloused fingers glide against your wrist as he gripped your hand like he wasn’t going to let you go. That’s probably the truth too. The feeling of his warm skin against yours made you shiver.

He gently tugged you up on your feet, still holding your hand for a moment longer before pulling your hand up to his face. The movement made your breathing stop, you could feel his own breath against your skin. “You made an excellent choice. I’ll show you that I didn’t hurt that nurse.” His voice had a slight tone of happiness to it, his other hand came to your temple, “Close your eyes.” He breathed out to you, closing his eyes to let his dark lashes rest against his skin and you followed. His voice was soothing.

A sharp pain aches in your head, whimpering out softly but Kylo shushed you gently. The darkness behind your eyelids switched to an alternate point of view. It was Kylo Ren’s. He was walking with his robes kicking around him as he went into the dark interrogation room. Ailla. She was sitting there in the same room you are in right now, wearing the same thing you saw in her in last. He began to talk to her about arrangements for another job with the First Order, she argued with him but he told her it would pay more. It was something along the lines of a battlefield medic.

You couldn’t make out what else he was saying, Kylo was muting it so you couldn’t hear all the confidential details. The images stopped playing in your head, the ache diminishing. You opened your eyes to see him staring down at you— a smile fell on your lips, “Thank you. I’m sorry for pushing you… Again.” You mumbled sheepishly, biting your bottom lip. His large hand went from your temple then down to cup your cheek for a short second before falling down to his side, the motion made your heart skip a beat. The feeling quickly diminished as he turned serious again.

“You will no longer be training with Kytana Sekel. I‘m capable to train you myself unless you disapprove of my idea.” Kylo stated, his hands crossing behind his back. You couldn’t refuse him.

_Can Ren train me in sparring? Or with lightsabers? Maybe combat?_

“No lightsabers— Just the Force, occasional combat or sparring. You also need to learn how to keep your hands to yourself.” He nodded towards you after reading your mind. “Okay, yeah, yeah. That sounds great.” You laughed softly, feeling excitement bubble in your stomach. The apprentice of the Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. It has a nice ring to it.

“Tonight our training will begin. After our day is over, we will part.“ Your eyebrows rose at the sound being with him all day, “Now, you can just follow me around for the rest of the day. But, just be invisible. Don’t remember anything I talk about with anyone. Understand?” Kylo demanded you to answer, the words made you frown softly. “Yes.” You mumbled, his disapproving look grew stronger but it was almost playful in a way, “I’m sorry… Yes, Supreme Leader.” You sighed the last two words out like it pained you to let it out. You despised that stupid title.

Kylo gripped your shoulder although it was gentle, leading you out of the room towards Hux. “General Hux. Captain Dherl,” Kylo nodded towards them after he reached them, clearing his throat before he went on with whatever they were talking about before. A soft sigh left your lips— This was going to be a long day…

-

And that was correct. It was a long day and it still will be longer. You did nothing but follow Ren around and get odd looks from the people that were talking to him but to Ren, it was like you weren’t even there. You were sitting in one of the spinning large chairs, drumming your fingers on the thick spandex of your jumpsuit, the hood was pulled over your face so it was almost hidden. His deep voice was rambled about military terms and things you would never understand. You felt like a child waiting for their parent to finish talking to an old friend. It was infuriating and so boring.

It has been over an hour since you sat down in the chair as he went over plans but you didn’t even realize that they had parted their ways and he was walking up to you. His gloved hand came up to snap his fingers in front of your face, startling as you jumped back slightly. “It’s time for training,” Kylo’s voice rumbled and you huffed from his dreaded words. You were somehow exhausted and your muscles ache from being dormant for so long.

“Don’t worry, you won’t be using your body much. Just your mind,” Kylo commented on your uncomfortable state before turning around and walking towards the exit. Quickly jumping up from your sitting position you jogged up to him to walk in sync with some stormtroopers trailing behind you both. Kylo peeked down at you, continuing on the long path to wherever he was leading you to. Passing by some crew members, they all cowered away and avoided eye contact. It made you feel powerful.

Kylo’s long steps began to slow down as he came upon the doors of the training center? The large place was vacant, no sign of life. Kylo began to walk across the large mats towards the door he went through after he helped you up. “Guard the door,” Kylo commanded the stormtroopers who stationed themselves outside, it reminded you of when you were in the cell and let out. Kylo walked into the room after opening it. The whole place was dark with a huge window that overlooked space. Your feet took you towards the window, your hand touching the cold glass as you stared into the infinite darkness. _Vvruumm!_

A sound interrupted your thoughts, a familiar sound. In the glass, you could see the reflection of Kylo Ren’s angry red lightsaber. Did he really bring you here to murder you? You spun around, eyes wide and back pressed against the window as you wished that you could just sink into space behind you. Kylo Ren took slow, menacing steps towards you as he brought the saber up to strike. He whirled it towards you, making you yelp and cower away.

You didn’t feel pain, just the loud rumbling of the saber in your ear. Eyes gently fluttered open to see it right next to your face, casting a red glow over your skin. The heat emitting from it made sweat form on your brow. “You need to trust me. I am your trainer. Your Supreme Leader." He growled.

“It’s hard to trust you when you almost choked me to death.” You bit back, instantly regretting letting that fall from your mouth. His saber extinguished and fell back into the hilt, “Come,” Kylo turned around to stand up, motioning for you to sit in the lone chair in the middle of the room. You complied, hesitatingly sitting in the hard chair. “Close your eyes. Focus,” and you did what you were told, sitting there with your eyes closed.

He began to circle you, “ _Focus on how you were secluded in that village on Jakku. Focus on how your parents kept secrets from you— How they abandoned you and left you to be murder by me…”_ His words made you choke on your breathing.

_“How the Resistance brought you in, betraying you just like you feared they would. They let you get taken by me. They left you rot,”_ Kylo continued to walk around your chair, feeling your anger through the Force. He fed into it, pushing it back into your mind with ease. _“You are with the First Order. You trusted me. You were wrong to do that. I’m a monster, just like you said.”_ Kylo’s voice was menacing in your head as he stopped in front of you, bending down to get closer to your face.

Hot tears ran down your flushed cheeks, “ _You allowed me choke you, to let me decide if you should live. I could have taken back what I did for you on Crait.”_ His hot breath was puffing against your face as he whispered in your ear, “You’re lucky, my apprentice. You will grow almost as strong as me as I rule the galaxy,” His close proximity faded, feeling your anger become the center of your focus now.

Your glossy eyes opened to look at him, you felt different; focused, angry, hurt, cold, _powerful_ like you could overcome anyone who stepped in your path. Kylo pulled his saber out and swung it towards your face again, you didn’t flinch as you ignored the deadly weapons close proximity, tears continued to drip out of your eyes unwillingly as you locked eyes with Kylo Ren.

_What did he do to me?_


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After force-training with Kylo Ren for the first time, he brought up your past and broke the deal. The dark side of the Force is making you turn your weaknesses into strengths and forget about your past. Is that good?

A chill ran up your spine, making your body visibly shiver and bumps rise on top of your supple skin. The soft hum of the engine of the ship kept you awake, but deep in your mind, there was something else that caused your insomnia.

Underneath the soft blankets, your body was tucked in a straight position with your eyes glaring at the dark metal ceiling of your bunker. A soft sigh parted your lips, you felt cold— not the temperature. It was a numbing feeling that is felt throughout your entire brain, whenever you thought of your unfortunate past it wouldn’t bring you to tears anymore. He made your emotions numb. You guessed that what he did helped you get over what happened so you can use it as a strength instead of a weakness.

With a quick movement, you sat up in your bed to lean your back against the chilly metal wall that is your ‘headboard.’ Your eyes trailed down your body to your leg to see the light scar on your thigh, a strength.

Noticing how your previously broken wrist had a permanent bump on the side where it was shattered, another weakness you overcame. Your hand went to blindly reach for the datapad next to your bed, summoning it to your hand with the force. You checked the time and realized that you’re up two hours earlier than your alarm is supposed to go off. You can’t fall back asleep so you slid out of the bed and shuffled your feet towards the bathroom.

After turning the lights on, you avoided your reflection and turned the water on to as cold as it could get. Inhaling a deep breath, you jumped into the stream of freezing water. Gasping from the shock, you were shivering and fumbling around to make it warmer. Something deep in your chest was heating up, it felt like an annoyance but it didn’t feel like your own emotions.

_“You woke me up,”_ Kylo Ren’s deep voice resonates in your head. Shit.

_“How?”_ Your voice talked back to him curiously. Was it the cold water that shocked you and him?

_“Did you forget that our minds are bridged? Why do I have to keep reminding you,”_ Kylo groaned in your head? Definitely annoyed.

_“I’m sorry. I’m taking a shower and the water was really cold when I got in so it–.”_ Ren cut off your nervous rambling, “ _It’s fine. I needed to get up anyways.”_ It sounded like he was going to sigh afterward. You didn’t know what to say back.

“ _Don’t forget about our training session. Something will be dropped off at your quarters before you leave,”_ You could feel his presence diminish after his last sentence, a soft relieved sigh left your lips before you began to finish your shower.

-

You ate in silence whilst sitting on the couch, eyes set on the dark wall in front of you, a towel wrapped around your body still since you didn’t want to get dressed yet. Your stomach didn’t feel full nor empty, you were just simply not hungry whatsoever but you need some sort of energy to power you through the day.

A knock sounded on the metal door of your quarters following beeps on the keypad outside of your door before it opened, your head turned to see a human-sized droid walk into your room. His mechanical head turned to look at you and in his robotic hands was an outfit. “Delivery for Y/N,” He spoke out. You swallowed the last bit of your food before standing to receive your ‘gift.’

“Thank you, droid. Is there anything I can give you for a tip or something?” You asked the droid who shook its head no, “Enjoy.” It turned around and walked out of your living area, leaving you alone once again.

A pain was felt in your heart, that was the only thing you talked to and Ren does not count. Shaking off the loneliness, you eyed the fabric in your hands as you walked towards your bedroom area. The first thought is that this outfit is very complicated. It was black, of course. The leggings were made of leather, although it was soft on the inside. The under-tunic has long-sleeves and a similar pleating you’ve seen on Kylo Ren. There was also a black corset but you opted to not wear this outfit to train in. Instead, you put on some leggings and a tank top.

Slowly, you dropped your towel to the floor then leaned over to your closet to slide open the door. You picked out a pair of underwear and a brassiere, putting them both on before picking your legs up to slide them into the leggings. You eyed your staff that was leaning in the corner of the wall, wishing you could train with Kytana again. Quickly, you finished getting dressed in the rest of the outfit before pulling your damp hair into a bun on top of your head. “There we go,” You sighed to yourself, shaking your hands by your sides to let the nervousness go.

The first partial training with Ren was terrifying and exhilarating. You wondered what he had in store for today. Nervousness was in your gut, telling you to grab your staff for protection just in case, but wouldn’t he take it as you not trusting him? Instead, you parted with your staff, wiping your sweaty hands on your pants before stepping out of your quarters.

-

The hallways of the ships were busy, people passed down each side of traffic. You jumped into the line, trying not to get trampled as you shuffled towards your destination. No one looked at you, all busy with something else. Are you finally fitting into the First Order?

Finally, you arrived at the training center. You passed by all the stations, noticing Kytana but something else took your attention off of her— the stormtroopers that guarded the door you needed to go through. Hopefully, they were informed that you would be arriving. When you stood in front of them, they gave you a curt nod and opened the doors for you.

You gave one of them a small smile before retreating behind to find Ren with his lightsaber on as he flung it around. He made it look so easy. You couldn’t help but notice how his muscles moved underneath his tank top, his black hair moved in the wind as he swiftly stroked the air. He didn’t notice you were here. Clearing your throat to make your presence known, the lightsaber extinguished and he turned to look at you with surprise then his eyebrows furrowed as he noticed your outfit.

“You didn’t wear what I gifted you,” Kylo stated, clearly disappointed. You looked down at your simple outfit, “I mean… If you’d like me to, I can go back and change,” You were clearly nervous from not accepting his gift.

Kylo Ren shook his head no, “There’s no time. Let’s go,” He motioned with his hand to come towards him and you began to walk to him quickly. “Sit down. Focus.” Kylo demanded but you looked around for a chair. “On the floor,” He sighed, rubbing his forehead frustratingly. Your cheeks heated up, embarrassed by not realizing that’s what he meant. You plopped on the floor, crossing your legs and closing your eyes. “Now, reach out with your mind. What do you see?” Kylo stood in front of you, eyes observing your face.

“Darkness.” You blurted out unwillingly, “What else?” His voice was gentle.

Images began to flicker inside of your mind. One of the Star Destroyers in space. Then the Resistance, your breathing stopped as you saw Rey piloting the Millennium Falcon, “Light,” You breathed out, “It’s calling to me…” You trailed off, noticing Poe and Finn too. Heart-wrenching from missing them, It was like you were on the ship with them all again.

“Focus on the darkness. Don’t fall for their sick games. They abandoned you. Just like your parents.” His words struck hard in you, feeling the pain of your past trouble you once again. “Your parents and the Resistance both left you to die.” Kylo pushed, even more, the images shifted to your parents. Dirty smugglers.

“My parents. They’re alive!” You gasped, seeing how they begged for money from the passing people in the alleyways. “You’re stronger than them… Much stronger.” Tears ran down your cheeks from those words.

He is right. You are stronger than them. You are lucky that you were taken in by the First Order. You watched the image of your parents float away, disintegrating into nothing. Your eyelids slowly opened, fixing your gaze at the ground where Ren’s feet were.

“I want you to use those weaknesses. Turn them into strengths.” Kylo’s voice was strong, “Summon that quarterstaff to you.” His hand pointed towards the lone wooden staff sitting in the far corner of the room. Your hand reached out, eyes still trained on the ground.

The staff flew through the air, your fingers gripping the base once it reached you. Too easy. Sighing as you lifted your gaze to meet his.

“Good. Now pick up that equipment.” He ordered again, gesturing by lifting his chin towards the object. That thing had to be a good four-hundred pounds.

Your hands planted against the ground, pushing yourself upwards to stand next to Kylo Ren. Your arm reached out, teeth gritted. Determined. With all the power you could muster up, you tugged at the metal equipment with your mind. The metal chattered, cracked and whined but didn’t budge. You pushed and pulled so hard. Your hand began to shake, jaw aching from being clenched so tightly.

Ren’s presence was much closer to you, standing behind you as he bent down to whisper in your ear.

“Your own parents abandoned you. Left you to be slaughtered with the rest of your people. The Resistance left you to bleed out on that disgusting table on Crait. They are cowards. My dear apprentice, you aren’t comparable to them,” Your ears rang, anger fueling the dark force.

A loud scream left your lips as the machinery began to float into the air, using all of your mental strength to do so. When it was high enough in the air, it dropped to the ground with a loud boom and so did you until you felt a strong arm wrap around your waist before you collided with the ground. Dizziness washed over your body, instantly feeling sluggish and exhausted as you fell slack in his arms.

Ren gently laid you down on the floor, kneeling beside you to make sure you were alright. He summoned a cup of water with his hand, waiting for you to come to reality so you could sit up and drink some. “Good job. You did very well,” Kylo complimented, you could almost see a proud little smile forming on his plump lips. Warmth spread in your chest, smiling at him tiredly as you watched him through your thick eyelashes.

“Thank you, Kylo.” You almost yawned out, the first time calling him by his actual name.

Kylo Ren could feel his own chest warm up from you thanking him, he saved you because he didn’t desire you to injure yourself again if you would have fallen. He didn’t understand this odd feeling, not knowing if it was your own emotions transferring to him but he pushed them away to welcome his coldness again. Even you felt it, the warmth spreading between both of your minds until his cold demeanor returned and washed over your mind.

“You’re dismissed,” Ren stood up, walking over to the pile of his armor to adorn himself. You sat up with your hand reaching out for the water to sip it as you watched him.

Kylo clipped his lightsaber to his belt after he was fully dressed, turning his head to look at you sitting on the floor before walking out of the mechanical doors. His emotions left you with whiplash, frowning as you stood up slowly. A trooper walked into the room, “I am here to escort you.” His voice spoke and you nodded in reply as he walked out of the entrance with you in tow.


	16. Chapter 16

Feet pushed off of the ground, jumping into the air with your mouth pulled up into a snarl. With a nimble movement, you strike your opponent with your staff but they quickly blocked it just in time— their height is an advantage against you. You spun around to block another hit from them, your mouth turned up into a playful smile as you whirled the staff at him to sweep it under his feet.

The staff knocked against his ankles resulting in him falling to the ground with a thump. Pushing yourself into the air again, you leaped, landing your feet in position on either side of his waist as you stood over him with the end of your staff pointed at his sweaty face. You noticed how his black hair is glued to his forehead from the sheen of sweat covering his pale skin and how he looked up at you while he was on the ground.

“I won,” You breathed out happily, chest rising and falling rapidly with a smile on your face. Warmth spread in your chest from the look Kylo gave you, it showed that he was proud but he was definitely insulted from being defeated by you. For the second time today.

A strain in the force evolved between you and Kylo once your eyes locked, luring you into the depths of his sibylline onyx eyes. It felt like a magnet kept wrenching you closer and closer to him— Kylo could feel it too.

He moved quickly to stand up from underneath you to break the eye contact. The magnetic feeling vanished between you both. “Is training completed for today?” Your gaze fell to watch your scuffed boots.

“Yes,” Ren said too simply as he retreated towards his pile of armor he had taken off before you arrived. You gaped at him as he walked away from you— The feeling of numbness resurfaced, his warmth escaping from you. A soft sigh tumbled from your lips as you squatted down to grasp your quarterstaff on the ground, “Will there be training tomorrow then?” You inquired softly after you stood, wanting to hear his voice one last time before you left.

“No, I will be gone on a mission for a few days,” He muttered under his breath, clipping the hilt of his saber to his belt. “A stormtrooper will escort you to wherever you’d like to go,” Ren‘s voice spoke under his breath, uncomfortably fidgeting under your gaze. He kept his eyes trained on his boots, not picking up his head.

“Thank you,” You mumbled, shooting a soft, sad smile towards him. You knew Kylo wouldn’t see it but he could feel it through the force.

As you turned your back towards him, you waltzed out of the training room. It was much brighter out in the main area but the whole area was empty since it was late. Ignoring the trooper that began to follow you as your feet took you towards the exit and out into the countless of corridors. With memory, you lead yourself to your personal quarters.

The sounds of the troopers footsteps were loud as they echoed in the empty hallway, arriving at the door of your quarters. You opened it with the force, thanking the trooper but received nothing in return except a curt nod.

Retreating into your living space, you began to get undressed to take a shower. As you came face to face with your reflection in the mirror, you noticed how you’ve slimmed down since you joined the First Order; toughness manifested on your features, showing in your more apparent cheekbones, your jawline set in a clean line. You ran your hands over your face in a stressed manner, carding your fingers through the knots in your hair before drawing back from yourself in the mirror. With a hesitant step, you felt the water temperature with your foot before stepping inside to wash off the remnants of training.

Now you’re fully dressed in pajamas as you rung your hair out in the towel, your feet padding towards your bed to sleep. With a soft yawn, you slipped your body underneath the covers and as soon as your head hit your pillow, your eyes shut.

-

Something stirred inside of you, telling you to wake up. A man’s distorted voice was talking to you but you couldn’t make out what he was saying. Something about the force, the light and the dark…

When you awoke, you were groggy from the lack of sleep yet energy stirred deep inside of your chest. It’s what awakened you. It had to be Ren. Slowly, you got out of the comforting warmth of your bed to pace around your room— Battling your inner self because you wanted to go see him, something was silently pulling you.

“ _Kylo, where are you?_ ” You spoke to him through the force, still pacing your room.

“ _I’m… training. Why?_ ” His voice is stronger than your own inside of your head. Could he not sleep either?

 _“I woke up. Just wondering if you were the cause of it,”_ You sighed out loud into your room.

“ _I couldn’t sleep either, Y/N. Hence why I am training at such a late hour,”_ The tone of his voice was annoyed.

You didn’t reply to him, just groaning loudly at yourself while you forced shoes onto your feet. If you both couldn’t sleep, couldn’t you go train with him too? You reached for your staff, it flew to your hand just as you were walking out of your quarters.

-

Traveling down the empty hallways, you carried your staff like a cane. As you approached the training center, you realized that there were stormtroopers guarding the door. Damn. You walked up to them, smiling sweetly. “Hello, I think you know who I am,” You cleared your throat, the troopers looked at each other then back at you.

“Supreme Leader Ren is using the premises. No one is permitted to be inside,” One of them spoke, “Not even you.”

A small grumble left your mouth, your eyes rolling to look at the ceiling as you thought of a plan. You felt Kylo’s closeness, shivers tickling your skin as they grew stronger. He’s getting closer. The doors opened, making you snap your head towards the noise. Unwillingly, your heart swelled at the sight of him. It made you confused, why are you feeling this way about him? The first thing you noticed was how tired he was, then the glitter of sweat that was on his forehead. His jet black hair was messy and bedridden, his attire is the same but he was missing his cloak.

“Apprentice?” His loud voice boomed, sounding surprised by your presence.

“Yes, I was trying to see if I could train with you but these men wouldn’t let me in,” You sighed, looking at the troopers then back at Ren.

“I specifically ordered them not to bother us. It was a private training…” His voice trailed off as he stepped to the side and a few people walked out. You noticed that they were ranked in the military. It must be for the mission he was talking about, making your shoulders droop in embarrassment.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I’ll be on my way now,” Kylo’s mouth began to open to reply but you turned your back towards him instead to retreat back to your quarters. His eyes burned into your back, feeling that same magnetic pull towards him. It slowed down your pace.

There was tension, mixed with need and want but overpowering them all is confusion. Neither of you knew what was happening, turning your head to the left you looked over your shoulder. His angular face was screwed up in confusion, his eyes showing desperation as they locked with yours. Quickly you spun your head back around and began to run down the hall, breaking the tension between you both.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren dissipated from the First Order with a group of men and women. They are taking part in a classified mission, leaving you behind on the Star Destroyer. Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean you can rest when he is gone. Ren assigns you a temporary position in janitorial work around the ship.

With a sharp inhale, you stumbled through the mechanical door of your quarters. As you heaved over, your hands reached down to untie the laces on your shoes and tug them off. A soft sigh escaped your lips as your feet dragged you towards your bed. Slowly you crawled back into the unwelcoming coldness of your sheets, pulling the blankets back over your body and falling asleep.

The rambunctious blaring of the datapad’s alarm jarred you out of your slumber, jolting awake to slam your hand down on the tablet to turn it off. The soft draft from the air condition made you shiver as it blew against your exposed face, the soft rose-colored duvet was pulled up under your chin. A quiet yawn escaped your lips as you stretched your muscles from the position you’ve been in all night. The memories came flooding back into your mind; the training center, Kylo Ren, the mission he is going on. You pulled yourself to sit up and rest your back against the headboard, your fingers grasped the datapad and lifted it off of the office. An alert was shown on the screen;

_‘I’ve assigned you to a temporary job while I will be gone. I already sent over the location to you. It should be marked on your datapad - **Ren** ’ _

Damn, you thought you’d have time to take a break from training with him. You scrolled through the screens to get to the map, seeing that the job was marked. Curiously, your finger pressed on the dot and it brought you to another screen. The job he assigned was… “A janitor?!” Your voice screeched in horror, eyes widening and your grip tightened on the tablet. “Seriously?” You groaned, head falling back against the gray wall that supported your body.

“I want to fight, not to clean!” You huffed in annoyance before you swiftly moved to plant your feet against the ground to stand up. It should have been you who was training with him last night, going on the mission with them. You are more than capable to take care of yourself.

Quickly you moved across the area to make it to the closet, your hands flipping through the outfits that are hanging up. You come across a gray First Order jumpsuit, a zipper that traveled from the collar to right where the waistband of your underwear would sit. On the sleeve was a red First Order symbol, your thumb gently ran over the patch.

As you got undressed from your pajamas, you slid your body into the baggy outfit, zipping it up and making sure your skin didn’t get caught in the line of it. There was a tiny tag already clipped onto the pocket that sat on top of your chest; your name was simply printed on it. He must’ve dropped it off, or ordered someone to do so while you were asleep. With a quick motion, you bent down to sweep your boots off of the floor when you walked to the couch to plop onto the cushions. Your hands tugged your leather boots on, tucking the gray fabric into them.

You stood off the couch, sighing softly as you pulled your hair into a messy bun on top of your head before heading over to the kitchen area. In a matter of minutes, you had eaten some breakfast, brushed your teeth and splashed water on your face.

Unfortunately, janitorial work didn’t permit you to bring your staff along. You wished you had a more discreet weapon to harbor in one of those giant pockets on your leg. With the force, you summoned the datapad to your hand before walking out your quarters.

-

Sweat was forming on your brow, not from exertion but from nervousness and pressure from your boss. You are fixing a broken latrine in one of the Officers quarters, your boss breathing down your neck as he observes your work. His tone of voice is insulting as he told you were doing something wrong and commanded you to correct your mistakes. To make matters worse, the high-ranked Officer was also standing by intently glaring at you both.

Finally, it was fixed and it flushed properly. Your boss didn’t praise you or even smile just accepted the payment from the man and went on his way. He left you to clean up all the dirty tools and to carry the heavy tool bag. You’ve completed already eleven tasks today; cleaning, fixing, mopping, more cleaning, plunging… _Disgusting_.

You followed your boss to the janitors’ cubicle, where the tools are to be stationed and all the janitors meet up at the end of the day. The boss split up the money between the workers, giving himself more even if he didn’t do anything. It is not like you really needed money anyways right? Why did they need money but everything was taken care of for you? You shoved your thoughts away for later as the boss dismissed everyone. You swiped your payment off of the table, stuffing it into one of your pockets. You took one long stare at the boss before walking out with your datapad and earnings.

On the way to the commissary, you had unzipped your jumpsuit and pulled the sleeves off of your arms to tie them around your waist, leaving you in the white tank top you had on underneath. It didn’t take long to finally reach the cafeteria, your stomach was grumbling which was a surprise from all disgusting things you’ve seen all day. You waited in the line for food, holding onto the plastic tray you had received when you arrived. You served yourself food, spooning on vegetables and fruit, as well as some slop you weren’t sure what it was made of.

After getting all your food and a drink, you walked over to an empty circular table. Peacefully, you began to eat your food in silence except for the voices in the room and the tv’s blaring General Hux’s menacing, commanding voice going on about how the Resistance is nothing but scum and how it is short-lived and minuscule compared to the First Order. His thick accent sent shivers to crawl down your spine, and not in a good way. Although the mention of the Resistance made you ponder, you haven’t actually thought of the Resistance in quite a while.

“ _Poe, Leia, Beebee-eight, Finn, Threepio, Rose, Rey…Stop! The First Order is where you belong… right?”_

You shook your head, ridding yourself of them before taking one last bite of your food, standing up and swiveling your body around hastily. Your eyes came in contact with a stormtrooper’s helmet, staring down into the black slit. Awkward tension grew so you averted your gaze and scurried out of the cafeteria, towards your quarters.

Upon your arrival, you made sure to hit a button so that your door was dead-bolted once more, the only way in is if someone has the force. Something uneasy stirred inside of you like bad news was coming your way. You quickly stuffed your leftover food into the small fridge, stripping your janitor uniform off of your tired body as you made your way to the bathroom to clean off the filth.

Water droplets rolled down your naked back from your sopping hair, your hands held up the towel that was loosely wrapped around your clean body. The feeling of misfortune diminished thankfully, all you felt was exhaustion. Your muscles ache, realizing how much you truly need sleep. Once you collapsed on your bed, you fell asleep in your towel with not a care given.

The next few days went about the same. When you were with Kylo Ren, it was always something new and exciting the next day. This assignment is dreadful; work, eat, shower, sleep and repeat. For six days, until your alarm didn’t go off one morning. It let you catch up on missed sleep. When your eyes fluttered open that morning, it was quiet except the soft hum of the ship’s engine that you’ve learned it helps lull you asleep. “Shit!” You yelped, sitting up in bed and scrambling to grab your datapad.

No alert. Nothing. Nada.

You didn’t sleep through the alarm, it just simply didn’t go off. Your fingers swiped through the pages, seeing that you weren’t assigned to it anymore. You clicked on your personal, noticing the normal like your height, weight, and measurements. Kytana’s name was now replaced;

‘ _Training under the Knights of Ren, a hierarchy of the First Order’_

The words made you freeze, powering the tablet off instinctevly and laying it back down on the desk. You fell back against the blankets in shock as your mind raced with questionable thoughts.

Will you be targeted by people in the First Order? Is Kylo aware of how much danger he may have put you in? More importantly, has Kylo Ren come back?

Since it was now time to get up and determine what you will be doing for the rest of the day since your schedule is clear. It would be impossible for you to stay confined behind the door of your quarters, but what about being tied to the Supreme Leader? Would people be out for your head?

With a deep breath, you shook your hands to try and get rid of your anxious thoughts. Clearing your mind as you thought about force training with Kylo, beating him in a sparring match, the warmth that was felt between you both… Opening your eyes, narrowing them to slits as you marched over to your closet. You used your hand to slide the door open, carding through the outfits until you found the one that you were searching for.

The [outfit](https://kesstiel.tumblr.com/post/166448574582/another-year-on-the-job-another-star-wars) Kylo Ren gave you. Kylo gifted this to you for a reason, and today is that reason. Instead of hiding, you wish to flaunt yourself and make it known that you were being trained by the Supreme Leader, making it obvious that he is the one you retreat to. After stripping from your pajamas, you tugged the leather leggings over your legs. They hugged your thighs perfectly.

The under-tunic was next, pulling it on top of the fitted black tank top you had on. You slid your arms through the holes, admiring the pleating that matched Kylo Rens. The black corset is laced around your waist, accentuating the natural silhouette of your midriff. Finally, you took the cloak to situate it on top your shoulders and let it flow behind your body. The black hood you were accustomed to wearing was now swathed around your neck, not putting it over your head just yet. You let the natural wave of your hair be shown.

Now that your whole outfit was assembled you yearn to see what your appearance is like, you sauntered into the bathroom. The light turned on, allowing you to come face to face with yourself, it was different. You look powerful, strong, empowering and full of vigor. A smug smirk appeared on your lips, you uncannily resembled _him_.

The populace of the First Order will realize who you are affiliated with; _**The Knights of Ren.**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> could you tell i had writers block during this chapter???


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As you daydream about your past, Kylo Ren returns from his mission unnoticed and he brought two prisoners back with him.

_It takes time. The whirling cyclone of doubt, hurt and misfortune takes time to overcome. It chased you with no intentions to stop, catching up to you when your family took seldom in the Tuanul village. The earliest memory you have is running away from something, escaping planets to get away from danger. Your parents aren’t as great as they seemed…_

_Before you were born, your father was part of the Rebel’s. He stood with Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia Organa. Your mother fell to the dark side with the Siths. In 10 BBY, she worked alongside a woman named Qi’ra and a Sith known as Darth Maul. She was young, only a teenager that abandoned her family to pursue her darker dreams in the Force._

_During a battle, your father spotted your mother who was injured. Something instantly connected him to her. He saved her life, taking her away from the violence. When his Captain realized what your father had done, he commanded him to kill her with his blaster. It pained him to pull the trigger._

_Your mother used the Force to direct the bolt towards the man and murder him. The incident caused your father to be labeled as a traitor. Your mom and dad fled the planet, changing their names. They stole countless of valuable goods from the shipments from the Galactic Empire and the Rebel Alliance. It instantly put a larger target on their back. In a middle of a crisis, you were conceived out fear for their own life._

_When your mother was pregnant with you, your parents sought out sanctuary in the glittering city-covered planet, Coruscant. In 15 ABY, you were born. When you were a child, a group of Cold War remnants found where your family was hiding all this time. It caused your family to be chased out of Coruscant and into the vastness of space. This was your earliest memory, living in space just like you are in the Star Destroyer with the First Order. Your parents came across a sandy planet known as Jakku. For a while, you lived out of your ship until the supplies were running low._

_Villagers stumbled upon your family, desperate for water and food. They took you to see Lor San Tekka, their leader. You were separated from your parents after you met San Tekka, but you trusted his people. They helped you bathe, eat, drink and gave you new clothing fit for the sand. Also showing you where you would be staying for the time being, mentioning that your parents are valuable to Tuanul and you won’t be leaving anytime soon._

_Back then, you didn’t understand what that meant since you were only around six years old. After it had gotten dark and the torches were ignited for light, your parents still haven’t returned to you. That’s when you snuck out to the largest hut there was, seeing Lor San Tekka with your parents and your father making the staff in his hand float._

_When you turned into your late teens, you were set up to court with another boy in the village. You didn’t like him, only thought of him as a brother. Reluctantly, you went along with it. One night, he proposed to you, which resulted in you instantly escaping from the situation._

_Of course, your parents were outraged when they saw you running from his tent with him in tow. They forced you to go back out there to apologize and to accept his proposal. That made you furious, you refused, yelled, and paced around the hut angrily with your feet stomping. It should be your choice if you’d want to wed with a man or woman. Your face grew hotter and your voice grew louder by the second. Your mother realized how much darkness you inherited from her, but she couldn’t tell you about her past._

_You were so blinded by your anger that everything around you was floating unwillingly. Your mother had to tackle you for you not to cause any destruction, pinning you down to the ground with your father helping too. Something came over you and they feared it was a dark voice in your head._

_Unfortunately, this called for a meeting with the Leader. He explained some things about you parents past, leaving out the Force for your own sake. He didn’t want you to be targeted by Snoke but he feared that may already have happened. You never wanted to fall into your mother’s footsteps nor your father’s. You wanted to live in the gray area between the light and the dark, living unnoticed. Of course, that didn’t happen._

_You stayed sane, calm and grounded until the day of the massacre when everything went haywire. Your parents abandoned you, leaving you to die for your ‘own good’. They wrote that letter just in case you would survive and not get murdered by the First Order. They felt that something bad was going to happen but they never alerted the village, leaving everyone behind. Children, families, women, men, fathers and mothers, grandfathers and grandmothers, everyone._

_If only there was a rewind button to set back time, you could warn your people to get them out of there or tell Poe since he was there. He was probably the cause of it, all the destruction and loss. A Resistance X-wing was parked at your village, making the village an obvious target for the First Order._

_With your parents now on Naboo living as homeless scavengers like old times, your village is nothing but sand and debris and you turning to the dark side like your mother, it strengthened you. Now that you’re with the First Order, you can fill in the holes of your parents pasts that no one told you._

-

A quick movement startled you out of your daydreaming, seeing the door to your quarters opening as a large droid stepped into the room. A soft sigh left your lips, thinking it was Kylo Ren coming back to greet you.

“I have come to escort you.” You stood to your feet from your laying position on the couch, “Take me to where I am needed.” You commanded, the droid nodded and began to walk out of the room with you behind. Your cloak floating in the wind as you followed close behind the speedy droid. As people passed you in the corridors, they stared and averted their gazes. It was obvious that they knew you were a part of the Knights of Ren.

As you began to travel down less packed hallways, the lights were darker and so was the atmosphere around you. Something was telling you to turn back and to find Kylo Ren but you had to see where you needed to be, right? It’s your duty.

The droid halted in front of one of the many interrogation rooms, making your palms sweat. “Right through here. They are waiting for you.” The droid said in its mechanical voice before continuing down the hallway without you. You used the force to open the door, slipping into the shadows of the room so you could blend in. In the middle of the room was two interrogation chairs, with two people locked in place by their wrists and ankles and a bright light directed right at them. It caused a illuminated circle with the corners of the room darkened to a pitch black. They are dirty people, a man and a woman. The man opened his eyes when he heard the door open, whispering to the woman to wake up and she did.

Her eyes, the same color as yours. His dirty hair, the same color as yours. Their clothing, Naboo garb.

“Who’s there?” The man called out, making you shiver and cower back into the corner. You tried not to cry, but tears freely fell out of your eyes, wiping them as soon as they hit your skin. You need to stay strong, just like Kylo told you; You’re better than them, more than them. You’re NOT a coward. You’re a Knight of Ren.

Your not-so-intimidating stature stood from your crouched position, your silhouette coming into view. A small gasp left the woman’s mouth, realizing who you are before you showed your face. “Y/N…. It’s you.” She breathed out, your father’s eyes went wide.

“Stop, you’re seeing things again. Our little girl is dead because of you, Cora. She would never join the First Order!” Your father growled angrily at her, pulling at his restraints. You stopped, your outfit is in the light but a large black cast still shadowed over your face. They both looked over your ensemble, seeing fear cross over their face just because of your clothing, it made you smirk.

“Don’t talk anymore, Lerak. Let her speak.” Your mother hissed out, eyeing you intently.

With a swift motion, you pulled the hood over your face to block the view of your features. As you stepped into the light, the shadow was still apparent over your face as you walked around them.

“What are scavengers like you doing on this ship? Tell me.” Your voice was demanding yet soft and eerie, you stopped behind them to let them feel like the prey.

Your father spoke first, “Cora started to hallucinate and caused destruction to a town we were living in. It brought unwanted attention to us from the First Order.” He mumbled, you took a step forward when you heard that your mother was hallucinating. Why?

“Hallucinations? Of what, may I ask?” You stayed polite but it’s obvious that you would get an answer. “Of our daughter, who was murdered by the First Order on Jakku.” He directed that sentence towards Cora who wasn’t even listening to him, just dazing off as she stared at the ceiling in awe.

“Isn’t that a shame.” You almost laughed, she turned insane because of you. The man scoffed at your humorous tone, shaking his head. The mechanical door opened, standing was Kylo Ren. His pale face on show as you admired the scar that traveled across his face, his hair in dark shiny wisps that you couldn’t get over and wished to card your fingers through.

“ _Join me… By my side_ ,” Kylo demanded you in your head, making you walk to the front of the chairs and next to Kylo. Your chin was the only feature that caught the light as you stood next to Kylo’s tall stature. He was definitely more intimidating compared to you, his large hand splayed across your lower back.

This isn’t to show weakness but to show strength with two united fronts. His hand gently travelled up your back, stopping right where your spine goes into your neck. His hand gripped your hood, tugging it back so quickly, your face was now on show. It made your father gasp, tears already pooling in his eyes. Your mother on the other hand just stared at Ren, not caring about your presence.

You kept your gaze trained on the wall behind them, knowing if you looked at your parents, you would cry too. Your father on the other hand was enraged now, tugging at the restraints as he screamed at Ren. “You did this to my daughter! What did you do to her, you monster?! Let me out! Let me out! You took away my daughters innocence, you bastard!” He yelled, making Kylo smirk at his last sentence.

Ren moves to stand behind you, he placed his hands on your shoulders, gripping them. He bent down to whisper in your ear, “Look at them, my apprentice. Look at how their weakness is of you. You’re all mine, not their daughter anymore, it scares them. Do you feel it?” He whispered gently, lowly into your ear, making goosebumps travel all over your body and your core heating up. Your eyes looked down to see your mother still staring at Ren with disgust evident in her eyes, your father stopped screaming but he was still angry and red-faced.

“I am your daughter by blood. You both left me there to die, to be murdered. Only with a note to remember you by?! You easily could have taken me, but you didn’t. To get you caught up, I fell to the Resistance, where I never will belong. I always knew I had this darkness inside of me, it was too hard to push it away. I fell into the perfect hands of my Supreme Leader, Kylo Ren. I will choose him over you any day. You’re no longer my parents. Just dirty, scum-ridden scavengers.” Your eyes turned to slits, not feeling guilty about anything you said. Your father is baffled.

“I never wanted to leave you! Your mother kidnapped me! She brought me to Naboo and told me that you were dead!” He yelled, making a small pang being felt in your heart. Kylo felt it too, his grip tightening on your shoulders. He knew this will pain you, he is trying to comfort you. Hot tears welled up in your eyes, your fists tightened as you watched your mother who hasn’t said a word until now.

“You’re no longer my daughter.” Her voice is menacing. “You’re making the mistakes I did. Turning to the dark side when the light side is always there for you.. I tried to raise you with the light side but the dark is and will always be part of us.” She snarled at Kylo Ren and you, looking at him like she wanted to murder him.

With a quick movement, you tugged yourself out of Kylo Ren’s grasp to take a few large steps towards the woman you don’t recognize. “You’re a despicable human being, mother,” You spun your body around, “I hope Kylo Ren doesn’t surrender your life.” You transmitted your thoughts to her head. A loud gasp from heard from her, her shackles clanking as she struggled to get free. Now she knows that you yield the force. She cursed and yelled obscenities at you as you stormed out of the cell, your cloak floated behind you.

Your quick legs took you towards your chambers, marching through people with rage filling your senses. With a wave of your hand, the door opened and you entered into the cold darkness.

-

The warmth of the steam that pillowed around your body soothes you as you step out of the shower. The soft towel wrapped around body is slowly drying up the water droplets on your skin. It becomes hard to breathe in the hot conditions of the bathroom so you retreat back into your room to get dressed, pulling on pajama pants and a shirt. You slowly crawled onto the soft bed, not getting under the covers yet. You brushed your hair, ringing it out in the towel but chills ran up your spine.

The door slid open as Kylo Ren took a step into the room. A small smile formed on your lips when you realize he came to see you, “It would be great if you could knock,” You giggled softly, eyes staring at his boots then your gaze traveled up his body, landing on his face where his pink lips are angled up into a smirk, his face turned to the side. He chuckled softly from your words, the sound was glorious. It was new, a different sound. You didn’t think he could smile. Your chest warmed and your abdomen did too, his face turning to look at you when he realized what you were feeling.

Both of you stayed in the same position for a few moments, letting his emotions fuel you and vise versa. Without thinking, you stood up quickly to rush over to him. You had to be close to him, the magnetic bond between Kylo and you is powerful. It hurts if you’re too far away. You’re confused and conflicted, you shouldn’t be this close to him. He is your Supreme Leader, but the way he talked to you in the interrogation room stirred something inside of you and him.

Kylo is startled by your close proximity, his head turned down to look at into your eyes and you met his gaze too. Hesitatingly, your hand came up to his cheek hovering your hand above his skin, taking a deep breath before making contact. His skin was smooth yet rough, bumpy from his scars but sparks flew all over your body and over his too.

It was in a matter of seconds, his arms scooped you up and pushed you against the door to your quarters. A small, quiet gasp was heard coming from you. He forced your legs around his waist as he held you up with his gloved hands on the underside of your thighs. He slammed his lips to yours, a small whimper escaping your mouth into his which made him smirk. For some reason, it felt like you have been waiting all your life for this moment. The kiss was hungry, his lips caressed yours as his body pressed against your front.

It is as quick as he kissed you, he dropped your legs and pulled his warmth away from your body. He took one last look at you before opening the door that you were leaning on. You quickly ducked forwards before he trampled into you and before you fell backwards into the hall. Once the door closed behind him, it felt like you were lost. It was confusion, hurt, angst… But, all you can remember is the softness of his pink lips against yours. Your fingers drifted over your glistening lips, the taste of him still lingering. Why did he run away?


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo Ren surprisingly kissed you the night before, you have mixed emotions about the incident because Kylo ran away. You overhear something about the Resistance and the First Order. You also come in contact with someone from the past.

With the utensil in your hand, you poked at the breakfast food sitting on your tray. You were surrounded by the loud voices of stormtroopers and ship crew in the cafeteria. Unfortunately, you weren’t hungry whatsoever. Mostly because your mind was racing with negative thoughts about what happened with Kylo Ren.

You didn’t understand why he would bring your parents on the ship? What did he want to prove? The kiss, the thought of it made you shiver from head to toe. Over the loud clatter of plates and voices, you overheard something about the Resistance.

It made you perk up, paying attention to what the group of troopers was conversing about. The few words you could make out were, “war” “resistance” “scum” “planet” and “mission”… You instantly stood from your seat, snatching your tray to throw the remnants of your food away.

As you were walking down the busy corridor, you reached out to Ren through the force. “ _Kylo, I overheard that there will be another mission… Involving the Resistance?_ ” You gently pried, slowly walking down the hall as you waited for a response. “ _Correct, apprentice. How did you hear about this?_ ” He asked, his voice was stern in your head.

“ _At the commissary. Nothing to be worried about, just some troopers, sir._ ” You replied with the same tone, mustering up some courage to confront him. “ _What happened last night? Why did you run?”_

“ _Nothing. Nothing happened. It was nothing. This is the last time I will hear about the incident, is that clear?_ ” Kylo growled in your head, making you frown. It was nothing to him. Although it felt like everything for you.

“ _Yes, sir…”_ You replied with a sigh, shaking your head. _“I was curious if my help would be needed for the Resistance battle? Since I was with them for a short period._.” You mumbled sadly to him.

“ _You could assist with some things, yes. Meet me in the command section. I’ll be with General Hux. Ren out._ ” He ordered you, obviously finishing the conversation officially. You just scoffed out loud, noticing that some of the people passing you stared. Quickly, you made your way to the command section. You took the elevator, standing up straight with your Knights of Ren uniform on. The few people in the elevator kept their distance from you, backing themselves into the corners with you in the middle. Power.

Weaving through the countless corridors led you to the command section, using the Force to enter the area. As the doors slid open, a few people turned their heads to glance at you then returned to their work. You took a large step through the doorway, eyes scanning the area to seek out Ren with the door closing behind you.

The sight of him made your heart stop, last nights emotions filled your senses as he turned around to meet your gaze. His dark eyes showed affliction as he met with yours, he could feel your emotions. You knew it.

With a strong gulp, you straightened your back and waltzed over to Kylo Ren and General Hux. You could feel his eyes staring into the side of your face as you stood next to him.

“General Hux,” You nodded his way and you gave him a small smile, “Supreme Leader.” You cleared your throat as you acknowledged him as well, “So, my knowledge of the Resistance is needed, correct?” You asked Hux, who is looking between Kylo and you with a disapproving face.

“That’s correct, Hux,” Kylo grumbled at him, almost like he was threatening him. “Yes, I apologize, Y/N. The First Order needs intel on where the Resistance could have gone after the battle on Crait. We have spy’s on almost every planet in the galaxy to keep an eye out for them,” Hux huffed, one of his gloved hands rubbed over his pale face in frustration.

“And I’m supposed to know where they have their base?” You scoffed with a sarcastic smile and your eyebrows furrowed.

“Leia never— I mean, _General Organa_ never mentioned anything to me,” Hux went to speak but you beat him to it, “Neither did Poe Dameron, sir.” You answered his unasked question. Hux huffed, “Then why is _she_ here?! Supreme Leader, you know she would turn on the First Order as soon as she has the chance!” He threw his hands up into the air as he talked to Ren. Your head pulled back as you felt anger rise, “Excuse me?” You laughed at him, seeing Kylo visibly tense up next to you.

“I am destined to be with the First Order. I would never betray it, I am here to assist with anything. I was only with the Resistance for a week, I wouldn’t know anything about their new whereabouts, General. And for you to assume, that a Knight of Ren, would betray their Leader, is _wrong_.” Your voice was low and threatening, feeling hot tears threatening to spill from your eyes.

“A Knight of Ren?” Hux gasped sarcastically, chuckling rudely. “You’re dismissed then, _Knight_.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm, waving his gloved hand in front of your face as he shooed you away.

You took a step backward so his disgusting gloves wouldn’t come in contact with your face. “Oh, she’s _upset_. Such a great choice, Ren.” Hux chuckles, pointing out your emotions to Kylo which made your body heat up in anger and embarrassment. You wished you could pounce on top of him and repeatedly cause him pain.

“You have no authority to insult my apprentice, General Hux. Especially, one of my Knights!” Kylo’s voice boomed suddenly, making you jump and wince at the loud volume. Hux grimaced at you and Ren, “Yes, Supreme Leader. I apologize.” The General choked out softly, turning his back to Kylo and you. You could see his leather gloves tensing into fists at his sides. “This way.” Ren’s hand rested on your mid-back and began to guide you to another room that was connected to the command center. Just like one of the interrogation rooms.

As you both walked through the doors, you took a deep breath as thick tension grew like poisonous fog in the room. It made it difficult to breathe as you turned to face him, “Kylo… We need to talk.” You breathed out, feeling your heartbeat rising as anxiety clouded your senses.

“Y/N. If it’s about that night, It was nothing. Nothing happened, just like I said before. You need to forget about it!” His voice rose a few octaves, “I– It is but that night was more than nothing! You know that you felt the… the power when we touched.” You breathed out, bringing your bottom lip between your teeth. Kylo ran his hand over his face in frustration, letting out a long breath.

“And it will never happen again! Ever!” His voice was deep as he yelled at you. Slowly, you took a step back from him out of fear. Tears rose in your eyes, feeling them threatening to spill from your waterline.

“I wasn’t asking for it to happen again! But fine, you need to learn how to actually talk to someone, asshole.” You spat out angrily, sniffling as you took big angry steps to slip past him. Your shoulder hit against his bicep as you passed him and waved your hand in the air, opening the door and walking out into the command room. You angrily stormed out of the section, making people scurry out the way of your wrath.

_Why are you even needed in the First Order? Why are you here?_

Tears slipped down your cheeks in hot streams, letting your weakness show fully to the crew as you made your way back to your quarters. When you were welcomed back into the coldness of your living space, you locked the metallic door with the Force. You haven’t thought about the Resistance in a while and having them brought up in the same sentence with war made you ponder.

The anger coursing inside of you thumped in your ears, making more hot tears slide down your face as you paced the room. Slowly, peace replaced the hot feeling of anger. Buzzing flooded your fingertips, you halted your steps and looked down at your hands. It reminded of you when you were with the Resistance. The Light.

Something was telling you to meditate. Your body sat on the floor, crossing your legs as you closed your eyes. You rested your hands against your knees, taking a deep breath as you remembered D’Qar. The green grass, the soft humidity after the newly fallen rain, the smell of the dirt, the cool gentle breezes… Leia… You missed her, not realizing that your own tears were dripping off your chin and landing on your legs.

Your vision traveled quickly into the twinkling darkness of space, focusing on a ship. The Millennium Falcon. Your breath caught in your throat as you were now teleported into the ship with everyone, looking around at the last of the Resistance. You could sense the powerful strength of the Force. You noticed the dark head of curly hair, his brown leather jacket on his broad shoulders.

Next to him was a darker skinned man, tall too. It's Finn and Poe. You wanted to greet them, to see their face once again but you needed to find Leia. As you searched the ship, you came upon the cabin area. Leia was laying down asleep, you reached forward to snap your fingers in front of her face.

Leia’s body jumped, a loud gasp leaving her lips as he eyes shot open. “ _Y/N!”_ She breathed out into the air. Startled, you stumbled back as her voice echoed loud in your head and you fell out of the ship.

The connection was severed as your eyes opened, feeling that the floor wasn’t pressing against your underside. You are floating above it. Your head turned to the side, noticing that Kylo Ren was standing in the closed doorway and that’s when you fell to the ground, a thump sounding as your body hit the hard surface.

How are you going to explain this? You were reaching out to talk to his mother. Did he sense it?


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Kylo Ren refused to speak about the night when he kissed you, you attempted to reach out to Leia Organa; which was successful. Kylo caught you floating from you meditating, did he realize you were reaching out to his mother? What will he do?

Nervousness sparked in your chest, making your heart rate speed up. With your hands planted against the floor, you pushed yourself up so you sat on your bottom. Slowly, you began to face Kylo Ren who was standing near the entrance to your quarters. His face showed no emotion like always, just stern and cold as he examined you. Although, you knew that your own face was full of fear out of him catching you. You didn’t plan on him walking in on you meditating like that. Did he know you reached out to Leia?

“Y/N. What were you doing?” He asked, his dark eyebrows knitted together in curiosity. “Kylo, I’m sorry, I was just thinking about what was going on and It just happened.” You breathed out, holding your breath as you awaited his answer and you didn’t receive one. “What are you doing here?” You asked gently, he took a few steps closer, “I came to… apologize…” He sighed softly, his eyes fell to the side almost like it pained him to tell you that.

“I don’t do this often. I feel guilty for being ignorant and crude... to you,” He mumbled, his gaze averted towards the ground next to you. Quietly you stood up from your place on the ground, his eyes still focused down. Kylo took a deep breath before speaking again, “That moment we shared, it made me feel weak. Defeated by my apprentice. I’m not strong enough to refrain from you, or to train you correctly..” You frowned at his words, your hand came up to touch his arm softly and he almost winced from the contact.

“It’s okay, Kylo,” You smile at him, bending your knees so you could catch his lowered gaze. “It’s okay,” You reassured him once more. He let his lips turn up into the smallest smile too but it disappeared as new thoughts flooded his mind, “I couldn’t let myself succumb to a woman again. To let myself get… brainwashed by their sorcery,” His sentence made you confused, “You’re different than the others. In that moment we shared, it felt as if we could rule the galaxy together. It was powerful. We are powerful,” His eyes gravitated towards you, his larger hand came up to rest against your hand.

Hesitatingly, you began to tug him towards the couch, he sat on one cushion and you were on the other as you faced each other. He began to speak again, “I was confused when my troopers found you… When I saw you, laying there… in a pool of your own blood. Something in the back of my mind told me to save you. I thought that maybe it would help me feel better. After my previous master told me to murder Han Solo,”

To make sure he knew you were listening, you nodded your head at his words, “Do you regret… killing… your father?” You asked softly, his face screwed up at your choice of words.

“No, I do not. It made me stronger. Darker. More in control. Just how Snoke helped me become.” Kylo mumbled, looking right at you. He didn’t feel bad for committing such a heinous act, you knew this because you could feel his emotions.

“And now General Organa is the only one that’s left. The only one who I am still bound to by blood. It still connects me to the Light side and I am aware that she has no hope for me anymore. You are also connected to the Light side still,” His words made you confused, “I know that the Resistance pilot still lingers in the back of your head,” He grumbled, his dark, broody eyes staring a hole into you. “You belong with the First Order. You are my apprentice, I train you in the Force. You have great potential, Y/N. You could be as strong as me with the correct teacher,” He gave you a curt nod of reassurance.

“I, unfortunately, didn’t have a good enough teacher. Luke Skywalker. He tried to slaughter me with his own lightsaber in the darkness of the night. My power was too strong for him, he was intimidated! He was afraid of how much he failed me as a teacher and how he let Snoke take me!” He began to get angry, his jaw clenching. “I was too strong for him, He thought I would overpower him. Luke was right, I now rule the First Order and destroyed the Resistance. I am destined to be a Supreme Leader, to live on the legacy my grandfather started long ago…” His deep voice trailed off, a proud tone was clear.

“To finish my training, I had to cut out Han Solo from my life. His face tormented me every day. I was being torn apart, the only way to help me get over that pain was to kill him. To sever one of the main connections to the Light,” One of his big hands rubbed over his face, his fathers death bothers him.

Something clicked in your mind, the dream you had after Kylo Ren had force-choked you. The fiery ruins of a temple, a younger Kylo slaughtered you and many others. Why would you get a dream from his past? 

Silence. It was almost deafening. Kylo slowly raised his head, your eyes trained on your twiddling fingers in your lap. “I’m getting tired,” You mumbled awkwardly, glancing up at him. You noticed that he was looking at you.

“Go ahead, don’t let me stop you from getting rest.” His deep voice was soft with a deep rumble, making your abdomen flutter. You slowly stood from the couch, now looking down at him. You gave him a soft smile which he returned but for a split second, it made you feel special. He stayed in his position as you walked over to your bed, crawling underneath the soft covers. As your head hit the pillow, you wondered what he was going to do. Was he going to leave once you fell asleep?

The calming wave of slumber began to flood your body, your mind still raced with thoughts. You reached out to Leia earlier, you heard her voice in your head and she noticed you too. Did she alert the rest of Resistance that she connected with you?

Gently, you lulled the thoughts from your head and allowed the darkness to overcome you.

-

Slowly awakening felt wonderful, your body began to wake up from your brain then down to your toes. Your eyes began to open, your eyelashes fluttering as you adjusted to the dimly lit room. Usually it would be much darker when you woke up, mostly because there was zero windows in your room and you never kept the lights on when you slept. You lifted your head, blinking to let your vision focus to see a head of dark hair laying against the arm of the couch and large legs falling over the other side.

Kylo slept in your quarters. On the couch. Overnight. You fell back against your pillow, a small smile filled your lips until you heard the couch creak and a small grumble coming from his lips. It was easy to squeeze your eyes shut, pretending to sleep again. The noises led you to figure out that he had awoken as well, his footsteps were soft but getting louder as he neared you.

It seemed as if he stopped in front of your bed, you could feel his gaze looking over your relaxed state as he admired how the blankets fell over your silhouette underneath and your messy bed-ridden hair. His shoes squeaked as he spun himself around and walked out of your quarters, the mechanical door opening and closing with a soft whoosh.

As you realized that he had left, you sat up quickly and slid from your bed. The quick motions made blood rush to your brain and stars cloud your vision but you powered through it. Your hand motioned to open the door and went to walk out into the hallway but you stopped in your tracks. A few people passing by took notice of you in your disheveled state in your pajamas.

A soft defeated sigh left your lips as you retreated back into your quarters to get ready for the day of training with Kylo.

-

As you brushed your damp hair with a comb to get rid of the knots, your mind raced with thoughts. Mostly consisting of Kylo.. But you still couldn’t get over the fact that you came in contact with Leia. Did she feel your presence or was it just your daydream?

With a shake of your head, you halted your overthinking thoughts to focus on getting dressed. After you got into your uniform, you tied your hair up into a ponytail and went towards your bed to make it.

A loud knock on the door sounded, making your head whip around to see the door opening. Outside stood a few stormtroopers, “We are here to escort you to General Hux.” The lead trooper voiced, making you square your shoulders and stand tall. “Hux? No Supreme Leader?” You questioned, the trooper grabbed ahold of the grip part of his blaster to silently threaten you. You complied as they formed a blockade around you as you walked out of your quarters, the head trooper lead his comrades that circled around you to escort you to the General.

You couldn’t back down or fight against the orders, it would make you look like a traitor. You stood with your chin held high, shoulders squared and back straight but on the inside you felt panicked.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Kylo Ren spent the night in your chambers, he left before he noticed you were secretly awake. You got ready for the day but a pile of bad luck is on your doorstep. General Hux ordered a brigade of stormtroopers to escort you to some remote part of the ship. What will Hux do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey readers, this chapter touches on some sensitive subjects so i suggest that you read the warnings below before continuing. if you choose not to read this chapter, i will briefly explain it in chapter 22’s summary.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING! mentions of suicide/homicide, cursing, angry outbursts. just the regular dark side cons.

As the blockade of stormtroopers lead you near the command section of the ship, nervous sweat was already forming on your brow.

General Hux gave you an uneasy feeling. What did he want with you? Maybe Kylo ordered Hux to do something. No, he would never. Kylo knows how much you despise Hux. A sharp inhale through your nostrils as the brigade of troopers stopped in front of a door, similar to the rest of the doors but remote from the rest of the ship. The lead white-armored trooper punched in a code to the keypad, the doors opening to reveal an interrogation room.

The walls were a dark gray, dim lights embedded into the walls. A table in the middle of the room with a light hanging above it. There was only one chair and it had obvious restraints on the arms of the chair. No sign of the General. With a gulp, you took a hesitant step into the room but the stormtrooper behind you shoved you forward. “Sit.” He demanded.

Unfortunately, you complied. It was unlikely they would kill you if you protested against their demands but it would make you seem guilty. So, you sat down in the cold metal chair. The chilly temperature seeped through your pants, making goosebumps rise on your skin.

“The General will be with you shortly. Don’t try anything, girl. We will be guarding the hall,” He snarled before turning his back to you. He turned around once more only to stare a hole into you before closing the mechanical door.

It felt as if your chest would explode from your heart pounding so fast against your ribcage. Anxiety set in, your hands fidgeted and you couldn’t help but look around the room to examine it.

After a few minutes of sitting in your own solace, the door opened to show General Hux. He marched in with his head held high and his hands placed behind him. In tow are two stormtroopers who stood against the metal wall behind you to guard. He stood across from you on the other side of the table, taller than you from your seated position. An interrogation tactic of his, to make you seem smaller and him in more control.

“Hello, dear Y/N,” His nasally accent spoke to you, the tone of his voice was menacing and unpleasant.

“Hux.” You gave him a stern nod, “General, why am I here? This looks like some sort of interrogation room.” You let your head fall to the side slightly as you knitted your eyebrows together and pursed your lips.

“Ah, so observant…” Hux almost cackled. He began to walk around the small room as he pondered, he halted behind you. It made you sweat from being unable to see him. His presence was much too close for your liking and almost too gently he laid his hands on top of your shoulders. “I was given information that Supreme Leader Ren left someone’s quarters late this morning. A few witnesses caught him in the act.” The statement made you freeze, your eyes widening.

“The chamber number was given to me by one of the witnesses. The number is **SL-21.** Otherwise known as your chambers, Y/N,” He paused before continuing, “Tell me why Kylo Ren was caught slipping out of _your_ quarters at such an early hour.” His question was seemed more like a statement as he walked back around the table to stand in front of you.

Almost as you thought you couldn’t become more nervous. You panicked for the correct answer, not knowing what excuse to tell him. “I mentioned this to the Supreme Leader and to you already… Is there another type of bodily training that you partake in with him? One that is more… _Intimate_?” He snapped, you could see the corner of his upper lip twitch in a snarl. The question made you want to run away, technically you could but you’d have to get through guards first.

“No, General Hux. There is nothing of that sort of thing going on between Kylo Ren and I.. Frankly, that is none of your business anyways.” You stumbled over your words, hoping it made sense. “Do you have any witnesses seeing him go into my quarters? When did he arrive? He could’ve arrived that morning to speak to me, not last night… You should get your facts straight before you order your troops to escort a Knight of Ren to be falsely accused of adultery by you.”

However you knew that he did arrive the night before to apologize and he slept over. His pasty sunken cheeks burned with anger from behind humiliated in front of his troops, knowing that this interrogation was impractical and pointless.

What scared you the most was when he took a deep breath, his shoulders shaking as he closed his eyes to calm down. When he opened them, it was nothing but pure ice and hatred. “Kill her. Make it seem like she did it herself.” Hux said with no remorse.

Your eyes blew wide, all the air left your body. The two troopers came up from behind you to strap your arms down in the chair, “No! You bastard!” You screamed, arching your back and pushing your feet against the floor as you tried to kick the chair backwards. Alas, it was drilled into the hard ground. Hux smirked as he watched you squirm and scream at him. Hux didn’t seem like he was going to move, just watching you as the troopers prepared for your execution.

Your hand opened to try and use the force but the restraints on your arms blocked your powers. Tears began to stream down your cheeks, hot and angry. “Do you have any last words?” Hux asked.

“Fuck. You. You will never get away with this!” You spat at him, saliva flying from your mouth and landing on the metal table. You still thrashed, tugging at the metal bars as you grunted.

The blaster is lined up against your temple, the cold barrel pressed against your fiery skin. You took a deep breath, closing your eyes as you accepted death.

Nothing happened. It seems as if everything was moving in slow motion. The mechanical door slid open just as your eyes did, the troopers next to you were shoved back by an unseen force and slammed into the wall. All your anxiety and panic was washed away as you felt his presence. A small smirk was on your lips as you looked up at Hux.

His face is priceless as he saw Kylo Ren storm into the room, you could feel the anger radiating from him. “Supreme Leader… I-I didn’t know you were still on the ship.” Hux tried to sound as innocent as possible.

“Why is she restrained? Why was _my_ apprentice about to be murdered?” Kylo’s deep voice boomed as he stood behind you like a shadow. “Supreme leader! She attempted to kill one of my men! I recall you saying there will be consequences if she didn’t comply to the First Order.” Hux played the victim, making your mouth drop and eyebrows furrow together angrily.

“No! You liar. You’re just trying to save your ass!” You yelled at him as you tugged at the restraints once more. Kylo walked up to you, his gloved hand smoothed over the top of your head then his index and middle finger rested against your temple.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke gently to you, unlike how he was speaking to Hux. The pain began to start at your temple then escalated quickly as he sorted through your most recent memories. He shifted from the morning when he left and how you ran after him but he wasn’t there. He watched you get ready, skipping over some parts until you were escorted by the stormtroopers and up to now.

It felt much longer, even though it was only a minute. Your body felt weakened as your head thumped, it wasn’t as bad as the first time he invaded your thoughts when you were wounded. The restraints on your arms opened, making you pull them close to your body as you crossed them against your chest.

The sounds of Hux gasping for air and choking made you snap your eyes open, he was dangling in mid-air as he clawed at his neck. Kylo was next to you, his arm outstretched as he choked the General with the Force. Something was telling you it was wrong for him to die, even though he ordered his men to kill you.

You stood up too quickly, your body protesting by the darkness taking over your vision. As your eyes glanced between Kylo and Hux, your nervousness grew and so did your dizziness. Kylo could feel it as his grip dropped from Hux’s neck to catch your falling body before it hit the ground.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t a bad dream, General Hux did attempt to kill you and cover it up as a suicide. Fortunately, Kylo came at the perfect time and saved you from your demise. After freeing you, Kylo used his powers to read your mind. From all the stress, your blood pressure defied you and made you pass out. What happened while you were out?

As your body climbed out of the darkness, you felt numb and weak. Slowly, you began to open your eyes but you were met with a dim bedroom but it is not your own.

As you came to, your limp body laid horizontally on top of the bed with your feet hanging off the side— Not under the covers either. You shivered gently from the chilliness of the room. You noticed that your feet weren’t weighed down by your heavy boots. With a gentle motion, you picked your head up to see that your boots were taken off and thankfully your socks were left on to keep your toes warm.

A soft thump sounded when you laid your head back onto the pillow, trying to recall your earliest memories. A thick cloud of fog remained over your brain making you unable to think straight. Your head felt heavy and so did your body. As you thought, it seemed as if someone placed you on the bed, especially by how a pillow was purposely positioned under your head. As the gears in your brain worked, you began to piece together the time before you woke up.

It starts off with stormtroopers ushering you to an interrogation room where you would be greeted by General Hux… He then ordered to kill you… Kylo arrived.. The sight of him in your daydream made your heart rate speed up. Anxiety or something else? You shook your head at yourself and continued down the path. It seemed as if you black out since your memories went blank after that.

The sound of footsteps made you open your eyes, the metal door slid open to the room and you noticed Kylo Ren is now standing in the doorway.

“You’re awake,” He spoke, his deep voice rumbled, in his usual head-to-toe black garments. His inky hair was framing his face in a messy waves. The scar on his face made you recall Rey. You haven’t thought about her or the resistance in a while. You wondered how they were doing.

Kylo could tell you were getting swarmed by your own thoughts so he took a step forward into the room. The metal door behind him slid shut, “You fainted,” His deep voice is subtly monotone, “To keep you caught up, General Hux did attempt to murder you but I can’t just get rid him since he is the General and leader of all the troopers,” He paused, “Although, I can assure you that he will never come in your vicinity again. I cannot count on him to cooperate though, so you will be staying in my chambers for the time being to be safe. All of your things have been brought here, under no circumstance will you leave without me.”

The thought made your stomach turn, almost wanting to vomit. You’re a prisoner to him again. As if you wanted to protest against his words, you went to sit up to argue but a wave of nausea overcame you which caused you to lay back down onto the bed.

“I can tell that you’re against this, but you’ll come around. It is much larger than your quarters. We won’t be sharing a room, just the living area. I’ll be on the couch, you’ll be on the bed. Simple.” He rolled his shoulders back softly.

“Everything will be fine. I promise.” For once, Kylo sounded genuinely assuring.

After the nausea passed, you sat up on the mattress slowly so you could rest your back against the wall behind the bed. “For the time being, I will hope to get enough time to train you more in the Force so you can become even stronger before I leave. To protect yourself better.” He gave you a nod, “I have business to attend to, don’t leave my chambers. A droid will be dropping off some food for you sometime today.” He curtly nodded, looking at you for a few seconds more before turning around to walk out of the room.

With a scoff you began to speak, “So technically, I’m just your prisoner?” Your words stopped him in his tracks, “It’s just like the cell you put me into. Getting food delivered, being locked in a room,” You said while shaking your head.

His broad back was still faced towards you as he turned his head to the side, his profile in view, “You are not imprisoned. I know you are aware that you are smart enough to bypass the locks on the mechanical doors. I’m doing this for your safety. But, if you’d like to go through that scenario with General Hux again with a different outcome then… Leave.” The tone of his voice was cold and menacing. He turned his head back around, rolled his shoulders and walked out of the room to leave you in silence.

Of course you didn’t want that to happen. You don’t want to die and be murdered by General Hux’s minions aka stormtroopers. You waited for a few minutes before getting up, wanting to check out your new surroundings. As your feet touched the cold metal floor, you shivered in your place. Chills ran down your back and made all the hair stand up on your body. The bedroom was considerably big, the bed could easily fit two people.

There was an open closet in the wall with evident black clothing hanging up. Two lights were embedded into the wall behind the bed on either side, a small, barely noticeable, button underneath them to power off the lights.

Another piece of furniture you noticed was the desk, a tablet sitting on top, a computer and a chair. No windows, just two doors. The one Kylo Ren walked out of and one that lead to, most likely, the bathroom. You ventured towards the mystery door, clicking the button on the wall to open it, not wanting to use the Force unnecessarily since you are already weakened. The bathroom was large, a black metal floor, a glass enclosed shower, a large black porcelain bathtub and a sink with a mirror. The place was rather tidy for a man to be living in.

With a shrug, you walked out of the bathroom to exit the room to the familiar living area where you were almost force-choked to death. The kitchen off to the left, the large window that overlooked the machinery of the ship and the hallway that leads to the front door of his chambers. As you walked towards the front door, you noticed a random keypad in the middle of the wall. Curiosity got the best of you and you went to type something in but it didn’t work.

You wondered if there was a secret door, so you pressed your hand flat against the wall as you felt for any give or a door, there was a small ridge; it is tiny and it could be mistaken for nothing. So you attempted to use the Force to open the ‘door’ up. You gently ran your hand against the wall to locate the ridge again, pressing your palm against it you began to pull. In your mind, you imagined a door opening.

The wall creaked and groaned as you gritted your teeth in frustration, but you are too weak. You quickly sucked in air you didn’t know you were holding as you slouched against the cold wall and slid down it until you were against the floor. “Bullshit!” You yelled, your voice echoing in the large mostly empty room. Hot tears began to slide down your cheeks as you sobbed by yourself.

You pounded your fists into the ground out of anger, a loud sob leaving your mouth. You could feel yourself starting to calm down, the red in your eyes cooling. You brought the back of your hand up to your face, wiping the tears and snot that was dripping down your face. Carefully you got up off of the floor to walk to the living room. You scanned over the couch, the one you sat on when you first came to him about the Force.

Your fingers ran across the faux black leather, feeling the smoothness against your fingertips made you have a flashback to the first time you were in his chambers, the naive girl you were. Weak and powerless. You became stronger but alas, you resorted to your old self. You gently sat yourself down, sinking into the cushions. As your mind ran with thoughts, thinking about Leia, Kylo, the First Order and the Resistance.

Should you reach out to Leia or just pretend like nothing happened? You opted for the second choice, since you knew that if you did end up reaching out to Leia, you’d be contacting the Resistance. You’ll just be digging yourself deeper into a hole you can’t get out of.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You’ve been living in Kylo’s chambers for a few days now, technically it’s just for your safety. It had taken those few days to get used to having him around all the time with his stubborn attitude. As Kylo and you are training, you rest for a moment and accidentally daydream about something that’s inappropriate.

It has been a few days since Kylo Ren moved you into his quarters and he still hasn’t gotten used to having somebody around. You aren’t going to lie, it is hard to share a space with Kylo Ren. Kylo and you bicker, mostly caused by his stubborn attitude and how he wants everything to go his way and thankfully, you’re there to set him straight and tell him how it is. It seemed for the first few days that you’re locked in his chambers but Kylo quickly became annoyed with having to escort you everywhere himself. So, you’re more independent now.

Although for some reason, awkwardness arose been you two. Ever since he rescued you from Hux’s evil hands, there is some unspoken tension. Unfortunately, it made things odd and Kylo would try to avoid you at all costs. It felt as if small tingles appeared in your stomach, growing stronger with every encounter you had with him. During training was the hardest…

A grunt left your lips as you twirled your body around his large stature, going in for an uppercut with your quarterstaff. He leaned his body backwards, the staff almost grazing his chin but he dodged it completely. “Nice try.” He chuckled amusingly. His hand went out to jab you with the force, sending you stumbling backwards. “Keep your footing strong. You never know what your opponent might pull,” He informed, taking steps toward you.

His outreached hand summoned a staff to him, beginning to strike you with it from above. You blocked his quick moves, sweat pooling on your brow and down your chest. He continued to power forward, your feet backing you closer and closer to the wall. Until, you hit it. With a loud groan, he had you pinned. This is the only time you had actual rest in the span of hours. His staff came down to strike you but he halted to press the staff horizontally into your shoulders. It made you unable to lift your arms, feeling completely vulnerable.

There was silence as your breaths mixed together, so close yet so far away. His dark hair fell into his eyes, some stray waves were stuck to his forehead from the sweat. It felt as if he was inching his face closer to yours.

As light as a feather, his pillowy red lips grazed over your own. It felt as if you could melt in his hands, you were wrapped around his finger without him even noticing. Gently, your eyes fluttered shut to let your lashes rest on your flushed skin. Your body grew hotter below your waist, as well as your heart rate increasing and your breathing turning irregular. His staff dropped to the ground between you both, making him step closer. His late hand came to rest on your chin, tilting your face up so your lips could connect.

It felt as if all your muscles seized, fireworks exploding in your abdomen, chills ran across your heated skin. One of your hands travelled up his arm to squeeze his bicep. His hand on your chin found it’s away into your hair, holding onto it firmly as your fronts pressed against each other. His tongue slid across your lips, making the kiss wetter as he wiggles it past your lips. A small squeak left your lips, he is obviously experienced with that mouth of is. His free hand gripped your waist, slowly making his way down to your pants as the kiss became more intense…

-

“Y/N?” Kylo questioned, snapping his fingers in front of your face. You were sat on the floor in the room you train in with Kylo, he was looking down at you with a flushed, confused expression. “Are you okay?” He asked, his voice hoarse. You shook your head yes, the tingling in your abdomen was still there but barely noticeable. You almost felt sad that your dream wasn’t real, but you quickly shook it off. “Yes, yes. I’m fine, I just… spaced out.” You mumbled, rubbing your hand over your face in frustration.

“I may have pushed you too far with Force training today, you’re most likely just experiencing effects from that and bad sleep.” He spoke, your eyebrows furrowing from his words, “How did you know I didn’t sleep last night?” You asked, wondering if it was the Force connection. “Oh no. Did I keep you up? I’m sorry, I just had too much on my mind and–.” Kylo cut off your rambling before you could speak any more.

“No. I just heard you go in and out of the bedroom.” He said softly, “Go eat and get some rest. I will finish up here alone.” He gave you a curt nod, reaching his hand out to help you up off the floor. You hesitatingly took it, chills running over your skin from the contact. “I will have to go on an expedition in a few days. It won’t take long. Possibly a week. You’ll be given responsibilities to take care of for me since you are my apprentice. And don’t worry, General Hux will be joining me so no need to worry about him.” He added on the last sentence when he saw your face drop.

But you weren’t worried about Hux. You could take care of him with no problems. It was that Kylo would be gone, you’d be alone temporarily in his giant chambers. You gave him a forced nod of approval, “Just let me know what to do. Everything will be taken care of.” You took a deep breath, you tried not to lose it in front of him.

“Of course. You’re dismissed.” Kylo almost shooed you away by how he turned away and began to occupy himself with other things. You took that as it’s time to go, turning around to walk out of the room. Before the stormtrooper guards opened the doors for you, you couldn’t help but look back to see him once more before running away as far away from him as you could go.

You found yourself wandering the halls, making your way towards the eating hall but you got you lost in the maze of the Star Destroyer. You didn’t understand why you had such an intimate, realistic daydream about him. Maybe, he’s right. You’re probably just tired and overworked. You have been training non-stop for the past three days, hours at a time too. You sighed, your hands rubbed over your face in confusion and frustration. Why does your brain do this to itself?

You feel embarrassed and humiliated. Even if Kylo didn’t tune in on your little peep show, it makes you feel horrible because he is your leader. He saved you from death many times and he is your teacher.

A small groan left your lips, making the passing crew members stare at you with an odd face. You quickly turned around to retrace your steps, finally making your way to the eating hall. As you ate in silence at your empty table, you pick at the food on your tray. Until someone sat down in front of you.

You paused your actions, only your eyes looking up from your plate to see a stormtrooper sitting in front of you. People at the table next to yours began to whisper, looking at the person who stepped in the wrong territory. Your table is empty for a reason, nobody wants to associate with you because you are their Supreme Leaders apprentice.

“Hello?” He said softly, bringing his head down to catch your eyes. His skin was tan, his black hair in a crew cut, a four o’clock shadow on his evident jawline. You brought your back up straight and laid your fork down on your tray as you studied him. He seems new.

He cleared his throat when he realized you weren’t going to reply, “I saw that you are sitting alone. You seemed a bit lonely by how you are picking at your full tray of dinner,” He gestured towards it, making you glance down towards it and back up.

“No, just not that hungry.” You replied softly, your voice made him smile. His happiness made you annoyed. Kylo is rubbing off on you indefinitely. “Ah, she talks!” He exclaimed with a laugh, taking a bite of his own food before going on. He reminds you of Poe, it made your heart ache.

“You seem different from all the other crew members. You’re not in any sort of armor or military uniform. You’re not a janitor.” He laughed softly as he sipped on his juice.

“Definitely not a janitor.” You mumbled, trying not to crack a small smile. You stirred the mashed food on your plate with your fork, “You’re a stormtrooper? I can tell you’re new. Just by the very white armor. There’s no scratches or dirt on it. Yet.” You hum softly, his brown eyes looking at you with a subtle smirk on his lips.

“I could also tell because you sat down at my table.” You mumbled, still twirling your fork in the food. His face dropped, “Oh, I can leave if you don’t want company.” He blurted out but his face went cold and paled.

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, his eyes were trained on something behind you. Goosebumps tickled your skin, you groaned in your head. This was the only human conversation you had in forever, that wasn’t with Kylo. His gloved hands rested on your shoulders, you could feel his tall dark presence towering over you. You shot the stormtrooper a small smile that practically said, ‘this is why I was alone at a giant table.’

The trooper in front of you quickly got up and scurried away from you. By the looks of the the rest of the people in the cafeteria, they now can confirm that you’re Kylo’s apprentice.

“Let’s go.” His deep voice ordered you, making you stand up. You felt like a child, being ordered around by their overprotective, strict parent. You stood up, his hands leaving your shoulders as he began to walk out of the commissary, not waiting for you. You quickly followed as a droid rolled up to your table to grab your tray and take it away.

Kylo led you to your chambers, you could tell he was angry. He was keeping it together relatively better than usual, his hand rested on his lightsaber though and that made you feel uneasy. As he neared the chambers, he opened the door and let you go in first. You walked down the foyer and then straight into your shared quarters. As you tried to make a beeline towards the bedroom he stopped you with his loud voice, “Stop. Don’t go further, Y/N.” He spoke as he paced the floor in vertical lines in the living room.

You halted in your tracks, your chest heaving in nervousness. Slowly you began to turn around but it wasn’t your own doing, it was Kylo Ren using the force on you. “That stormtrooper you were talking to, who was that?” He growled, not making eye contact as he paced. “I don’t know, he just sat down at my table. Why?” Your voice was strong, it didn’t shudder when you thought it would.

“I have a feeling he was set up by General Hux. That bastard. He thinks he is so sly,” Kylo grumbled, his fist tightening around his lightsaber, “You should begin carrying around your staff while you’re unaccompanied, Y/N. You do wield the Force but you’re not as good with it as you are with your staff,” It seemed as if he is lecturing you, “I will find you a sling case to carry on your back.” He said, stopping in his tracks to look at you then he began to pace again.

“I do have to go on a operation that I mentioned. I will be leaving in two days, you’ll be alone. As you know, Hux is with me but you still need to keep your guard up. Nobody knows the code to the door on the inside. Although the door that leads to my chambers, our chambers,” He corrected himself, “Higher military crew do know the code to it. You don’t know who Hux orders around here. He thinks he’s higher than me.”

All of the new information was processing. Alone, Hux, the mission, stormtrooper spy…

“Okay.” You simply stated, the only thing you could think of to reply.

Kylo’s eyebrows furrowed, “That’s it?” He almost chuckled, one of his hands carded through his hair out of a stressful habit.

“Yes, but I want to come with you, Kylo.” You stared at him for his response. His head picked up when he heard you say his name, “On the mission? You’re aware that I just said Hux will be there and that you’re not that great with Force.” He huffed, looking at you with his eyes turned to slits.

The statement kind of hurt. “I will think about it. Although it may not be safe enough for you. I have to discuss this with the General.” Kylo told you, it felt as if he was thinking about it. Like he wants to say yes to you. He turned away from you and went straight towards the front door and he left.

You stood there confused and a little angry. He never announces when he leaves, he just… does it. You grumble to yourself and turn to go into the bedroom to get ready for bed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After accidentally daydreaming about Kylo Ren in a risqué way a few days ago, you still wonder if you broadcasted the erotic vision to him. It would be humiliating if you asked him about it, especially if he had no idea what you were talking about. In present time, it is just a normal day and you go to get ready for training. Then something peculiar happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> nsfw chapter; proceed with caution!!

As you card through the clothes on your specified side of the closet, you tried to pick out something that would be good for training. Fortunately, Kylo had already gotten ready earlier and left. He woke you up in the process of sorting through his clothes, taking a shower and his footsteps are very heavy— which is similar to every other morning too. You try to avoid each other, since you don’t want to get on either one of yours grumpy side. He has experienced yours once and vows to never step past that line again but that story is for later.

You pick out the best outfit you could find—Stretchy pants, a long sleeved top and your trusty pair of combat boots. You lay out the outfit onto the bottom of the made bed before walking into the bathroom to take a shower, hopefully it would help wash away the fog around your brain.

As the hot water streams over your head and down your back, you lean your side against the steamy wall to steady yourself. The glass surrounding the shower is fogged, making it impossible to see anything on the outside without swiping your hand over the misty glass. You felt goosebumps rise on your arms, your body shivering as you got the chills.

Even in the hot shower you felt frigid. You hoped that you weren’t getting a cold. You quickly washed your hair and body before getting out, snatching your towel and wrapping it around your body to soak up the remaining water on your skin.

As you begin to make your way out of the bathroom, you pick up your brush off of the shelf near the sink and start to brush your wet hair. The metal door opens up after you push the button and you instantly run into something. It was hard and sturdy; it didn’t budge. It makes you stumble backwards and lose your footing, your bottom hitting the floor and the brush flying somewhere in the room.

“Ah!” You gasp, looking up to see what it was.

Kylo Ren was standing there with his eyebrows furrowed sternly as he stares down at you with wide eyes. “Oh my god! Don’t look!” You squeal loudly at him, covering up your almost exposed chest with your arms. His gaze quickly averted from yours and he took large steps towards the desk, “I forgot my data-pad, I didn’t realize you were still around.” He stutters over his words, his large hand grasped the tablet on the desk but he pauses, not moving except his fingers scrolling through the tablet.

You scramble up onto your feet, tugging your towel tighter around your body. “What are you doing?” You question, taking a small step towards him.

“Get dressed. I won’t look, I need to complete this for the mission.” He orders, keeping his gaze trained on the data pad. You try to lean forward to see what he was doing but he peeked back, “Hey!” You huffed, he angled his body so you couldn’t see what he was doing. “Classified, Y/N.” He spoke, you could tell he had a cocky smirk on his face.

With a huff, you walk backwards towards the bed with your eyes still on him to make sure he doesn’t peek. He seems concentrated on whatever he was doing, so you quickly drop your towel to grab your undergarments then your stretchy black leggings and the top you had laid out. You shimmy into the clothing, your wet hair makes your clothes soaked, so you grab the towel to squeeze out the reminding water from your thick strands.

With your back now faced towards Ren, you felt his eyes rake over the backside of your body. It made your cheeks heat up, biting your bottom lip to keep your emotions bottled. His gaze was hot on your skin, that feeling appears again from your daydream during the training a few days ago; small tingles grow below your navel.

“I saw your daydream when we were training.” Kylo states strongly, your eyes went wide and your cheeks instantly heat up.

“Kylo, I don’t know what happened. I wasn’t even thinking of it… It just happened. I’m sorry.” You breathe out, averting your gaze from him. You couldn’t even look him in the eye. He took a few heavy steps towards you, now standing directly in front of you.

“It was something that broadcasted to me, I was a part of it too. I’ve had visions of such things as well,” His voice is low, only low enough for you to hear. It gave you goosebumps. His hand went under your chin to pull it up so he could catch your eyes with his brown pools of honey.

He is gentle with you and you could tell that he didn’t want to hurt you or scare you away. He is aroused and so are you. It was dripping already between your thighs and you knew he could sense your libidos crashing together, creating more sexual tension.

He seems nervous, a little scared and so are you. You’ve never experienced anything like this before with someone. He connects your lips, slowly and carefully he moves his own against yours. It was like they were meant to be together, fitting like puzzle pieces as he kissed you.

At first the kiss was small, but he started to grow more intense. It took your breath away, it actually did, so you backed up from him to take a deep breath before going in for more.

Kylo’s hands travel to your waist, resting above your hips where your sides dip in. He hurriedly tugs your body closer to his as he slips his tongue past your lips to let it dance against yours. A small whimper fell from your lips and that set him off.

Kylo bends down to put his hands on the back of your thighs to lift you up, he didn’t let your lips part until he lays you down onto the soft, gray duvet comforter. Your thighs were still wrapped around his waist, not wanting to let go of him.

His firm hands run up the sides of your clothed thighs and underneath your shirt. The cold leather of his gloves against your skin makes you shiver, you bring your bottom lip between your teeth as his hands creep up your torso. He pulled out of your shirt and begins to pull it over your head, his dark bedroom-eyes rake over your body hungrily. His hands immediately went to your breasts, squeezing them over top of your bra.

He bends down to leave kisses along your chest and neck, leaving small imprints of his teeth and lips. He hums softly as his hands went to the waistband of your pants, his fingers hooking under the fabric.

“You should have kept your clothes off. Would’ve been quicker.” He grumbles against your flush skin as he pulls off the skin-tight pants, you kick them off the rest of the way and they land on the floor.

Kylo starts to pick up his pace, smashing his lips against yours as his hands roam your almost nude body. Yet he still has his layers of clothing and armor on. You could feel yourself flush, your face burning hot as his lips swoop down to kiss your soft skin. Goosebumps form, a quiet moan fell from your lips as his soft kisses reached your hips. You are antsy, desperate and aching for him. “Stars, Kylo… Please do something already. You’re a tease.” You whine, making Ren smile and chuckle against your skin.

Slowly, you began to sit up almost pushing Kylo off of you in frustration. He looks confused as he straightened his body and you stood up next to him. He has time to look over your body and cherish it with his lustful eyes. It makes you blush all over again, you take a step forward to run your fingers up his arms towards his shirt. Kylo was staring at you as you pull off his leather gloves and how you work to get off his padded top, pulling the hem up and over his head.

Underneath was an armored vest on top of another shirt, it makes you laugh softly. “What?” Kylo’s voice questions, “So many layers. No wonder you’re so hot.” You wink at him and began to quicken your hands to pull the clothing off of his torso.

Kylo grows self-conscious, his eyes averting from yours as you study his body. His pale skin is littered with white scars and is toned from battle and training. It makes you salivate. He’s gorgeous. “Kylo, you’re… perfect.” You mumble, your hands reach out to grab his waist and tug him closer to embrace him. His skin is warm underneath of your fingertips. The sound of kissing echoed in the room as his fingertips dig into the back of your thigh to pull it up against his waist.

He slowly moves towards the bed, picking your body up to easily toss you onto the soft mattress again. He undid his belt and tugs his pants down with his boxers as quickly as he could. That’s when you saw it for the first time, the size scared you a bit. Your gaze turns to him as he crawls on top of you, hovering over your body as he leans down to kiss your bitten lips.

“Sit up a little for me.” His hand tries to sneak underneath you to unclasp your bra. You arch your back up so his hands could snake underneath you to pull it off and throw it off somewhere in the room.

“Oh, you’re so fucking beautiful.” He growls, licking his lips as his fingers hooked into the sides of your panties. He pulls them down your thighs and past your feet, staring up at you from below. He could tell how wet you are. Kylo kisses from your calf, up your thigh and to your hipbone. His eyes lock with yours as his two fingers tickle the inside of your thigh close to your core. It makes you shiver and roll your hips into the mattress.

Kylo can tell you are getting antsy, so he slowly presses one of his fingers into your heat. He makes magical motions with his finger, pressing against a spot that made you jump. “More.” You said almost breathless so Kylo adds another finger. The pleasure increases as the heat builds up in your stomach, making you bite the pillow. Kylo pulls out, making you open your eyes and stare at him as he licked his fingers.

“Please, Kylo. I’m ready. Please.” You beg, chewing on your bottom lip as he sat up. It makes him smirk.

Kylo swiftly grabs your legs and positions them around his waist. You felt the nerves knot up in your stomach as he positions himself at your entrance. You both take a moment to think it over, to look at each other riled up and aroused. How the bites are showing themselves on your neck and breasts, and how his pale cheeks are now tinted pink. He slowly starts to guide himself into you, the pressure makes you gasp and Kylo groans in unison with your noises.

Spots obscure your vision as you experience pleasure like no other. Your fists grip the sheets beneath you as he begins to thrust into you.

“This is-“ Your eyes closed and rolled back into your head, unable to form a coherent sentence. Kylo began to gain confidence in himself, his thrusts becoming harder and faster. His eyes were locked onto your body, how your breasts move with his thrusts and your toes curling against his back.

As Kylo moved closer so he was on top of you now, your arms immediately flew around his neck to hold him closer. His breath puffed against your neck, soft groans spilled from his lips as you whimpered in pleasure. His fingertips dig into your thigh as he moves it up slightly more to go even deeper.

“Oh fuck, you feel so good.” He curses into your ear, making you gasp. You could feel your body crawling closer to your climax, your thighs twitching around his waist.

“Kylo!” You cry out, your back arching up which let him slide his arms underneath your body, his name falling from your lips sent him over the edge. Your nails left crescent marks in his skin, a loud moan leaves his lips as the waves of his climax wash over him. You sucked in a deep breath, your sweaty chests press together as you both came down from your high.

He lays on top of you to gain some composure, the size difference of you both is so much more evident now. His head drops into the crook of your neck as you run your fingers through his thick hair to push it out of his face. Slowly he starts to push himself up, you unravel your legs from his waist as he plops down beside you on the bed.

“How are you?” He asked softly, staring at the ceiling as his breathing slows down. His question was random and a bit funny to be honest. “I couldn’t be better.” You mumble softly with a smile on your face.

The sound of the bed squeaking made you look over at him getting up to put his boxers on. After he was done, he went to go walk out of the room but you stopped him, “You don’t have to leave. You could sleep in here… with me?” You threw the idea out there. Kylo turned around with a small smile, “I was just going to get water for us.” He chuckled, running his fingers through his hair.

“Oh yeah, go ahead.” You blushed furiously, realizing that you just admitted how you felt.

After he left, you got up to clean yourself up in the bathroom and grab one of Kylo’s black shirts to sleep in. Also to pull on some underwear so you weren’t completely nude underneath the long shirt. It was honestly hard to walk, but you didn’t want to be naked all night. You looked at yourself in the mirror, it was almost like your skin was glowing and your cheeks were flushed. Your hair was crazy though so you pulled it up into a bun and called it a night. As you were walking out of the bathroom, Kylo was walking into the bedroom with two glasses of water. He handed you a cup, instantly taking a few gulps out of it as you got back into the bed and under the sheets; As did Kylo.

Kylo laid down under the sheets, propping his pillows up as you scooted yours closer to him. He noticed how you were inching closer so he reached out, his arm hooking around your shoulders to tug you on his bare chest. Kylo took a deep breath, letting out peacefully; like he was relieved almost. It made you smile as you both blissfully fell asleep.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s the night after you and Kylo Ren fooled around. Leia comes to you in your dreams and unfortunately, Kylo senses it. He gets upset with you and storms out of your shared quarters. He mentioned going on a mission before and you asked to go with him. He gives you an answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> another nsfw chapter, oops.

_Leia Organa. There she is right in front of you. Is this real? You aren’t in bed with Kylo Ren anymore, it was like you were transported to the Resistance but it was just… Her. Nothing else, just blackness and her standing there staring at you. It is like you aren’t there either. You can’t move. You begin to panic._

_“Y/N.” Her gentle voice echoes in your head, “It’s Leia. I can feel you through the Force. You are so much stronger. Don’t turn to the First Order, I can feel the dark energy radiating from you. It pains me to see you turn down this path.” Her soft voice sighs softly, shaking her head. She sits down on a chair that appears in the vision._

_“I haven’t felt Ben through the Force in years, but I felt some… happiness flow from him. It’s because of you, you’re our only hope to get him back.” Her eyes went wide as Kylo’s voice echoed in your mind, it was strong and loud. It made you wince. Leia disappeared as he was calling out your name and you were brought back to reality._

-

It was like you are revived from death. You sat up in the bed as you suck in a sharp breath, your head frantically looks around as your senses came back to you. Kylo was standing next to your side of the bed. Your head turns to look at him, his face is twisted with anger but his eyes still shows concern for you. “My mother. I felt her in the Force.” He grumbled quietly, “Why did she reach out to, Y/N.” He forced you to tell him, but you didn’t know either. It was unplanned.

“I–I don’t know, Kylo.” You stuttered over your words as nervousness overcame you, “Tell me what she said, Y/N. I’ll have to force it out if you and you know I don’t want to.” His voice was getting louder, you barely remember what just happened. It was like, you had new information but you can’t recall on your dream.

Kylo grows impatient from your silence, his hands go to swipe your hair out of your face and cup your cheeks with his hands. He closes his eyes and the pain starts in your temples and travels to your neck, he isn’t holding back this time. You scrunch your eyes in pain, gritting your teeth and clenching your jaw.

“Stop. No.” You try to shake your head but he kept pushing into your brain and your memories began to flow to him. The dream was hazy, unable to see his mother clearly and her voice is muffled. He could make out a few words.

“Force, darkness, happiness… _Ben_ …” You whisper into the air. He pulls back from you, his eyes wide as he quickly backs up from you. His loud footsteps indicate that he’s walking away. Your body falls backwards, head hitting the pillow— Your ears are ringing, head thumping. You turn your head back and forth a few times, your face still scrunched up in pain. “Ben…” You whisper into the air as you think about where you heard that name.

The Resistance. Your memories came flooding back. Rey had told you about Kylo Ren and how his true name is Ben Solo. You sniffle softly as you think of Rey, you miss her terribly. But why all of a sudden do you miss her? You haven’t thought about Rey in ages.

You slowly sit up in the bed, resting against the wall behind you. He doesn’t come out, instead you hear rustling noises coming from the bathroom. Then emerges Kylo Ren, He uses the Force to turn on the bedroom lights; You squint to shield your sensitive eyes.

He continues towards the wardrobe to pick out his regular black attire. He starts to head towards the bathroom again to dress himself. A few more minutes passed and he came out dressed and his hair was less messy. “Do you have affiliations with the Resistance?” He asks you with a serious tone to his voice, which made you grimace. Of course you don’t, you’re committed to him and the First Order. You didn’t ask for Leia to send you a Force dream.

“No, of course not, Kylo.” You huffed, “I haven’t communicated with her before. She reached out to me. I never did.” You stretch the truth. You did reach out to her unintentionally but he doesn’t need know that, does he?

“Yes, I could sense that.” His deep voice stated as his shoulders fell, “You called me Ben. But I am no longer that weak boy anymore, he’s dead. I killed him.” He growled, fiery anger in his eyes.

The look he gives you frightens you, it makes you feel tense. “Kylo. I didn’t know him. He didn’t know me… All I know is you.” You said softly, trying to soothe his racing thoughts. You can feel them, all of his emotions rushing and his angry thoughts flying through his head like wildfire.

His fists clench and unclench repeatedly as his anger grew but his eyes are glassy, almost teary. You could see it build up in his core. Kylo quickly turned around, reaching for his lightsaber and it flew to his hand from across the room. He took it with him, still holding it tightly as he walks out of the bedroom. That is most likely the last time you will see him today. You slump down into the bed when he finally leaves, the large front mechanical door makes a loud sound as it shuts and locks.

Your body feels sore from today’s events, so you roll over and fall back asleep as you listen to the humming of the ships engines.

-

After a few more hours of sleeping, you wake up in a cold sweat. Your chest heaving as anger filled your veins. Slowly, you soothe yourself and your heart rate slows down to a normal rate. You wondered where that wave of emotion came from, but you decided not to dwell on it too much longer. You slip out of the warm bed and walk into the main living area, past the couches and to the kitchen. You search for food but unfortunately, there really isn’t anything that’s catching your eye. You try to motivate yourself to go and get ready for the day, but you couldn’t.

“Today is a lazy day,” You tell yourself as you grab the cup of mealgrain with dried fruit to prepare it. Once you add the hot water, it transforms into a fruity, grainy porridge. The aroma was very… different. So you taste it and it’s not horrible for a breakfast food. You definitely could see Kylo eating something as bland (and nutritious) as this. You prefer more of a sugary panna-cake kind of breakfast.

You take your food to the couch, realizing that you left your data pad on the coffee table overnight. So you grab it to scroll through the First Orders news feed. Nothing new, of course. Same old, Same old. It’s always about how they are getting a lead to the whereabouts of the Resistance. You know Rey wouldn’t let the First Order find them. You wonder who is in charge of the news.

You sigh in annoyance, wanting something exciting to happen for once. So you finish your breakfast and clean it up before heading to take a shower and get ready.

-

After the shower, you get dressed. Just like any regular day, you go through your routine. Take a shower, dry your hair, get dressed, brush your teeth and do what you need to do.

But, Kylo seems to want to interrupt your daily schedule. You’re standing in the bathroom, drying your hair with a tiny blow dryer connected to the wall. You wonder if Kylo has ever used it. After you finish drying your hair mostly, you go in the bedroom to get dressed.

_“Meet me in the command room. Now.”_ Kylo’s voice booms in your head, it makes you wince. Sometimes you forget about the connection you have with him. You slide on black skin tight pants, a shirt that clings perfectly to your curves and your tunic hood that is very similar to Kylo’s. You pull the hood over your head and walk out to go find him.

After a few minutes of walking, you come across the command center. It’s busy with people, as always. Your eyes scan the environment to find Kylo. Instead, someone taps you on the shoulder. They almost started you, but your head turns quickly to see who it is. General Hux. You swallow as you look over him, he looks more tired than usual.

“Hux. It’s good to see you.” You tip your head forward to say hello to him informally.

“I don’t know if I could say the same, Y/N.” His voice spoke rudely to you. You almost laugh at his ignorance before continuing with him, “Where’s Ren?” You ask him straightforward, not trying to dabble in conversation with him.

“Hm, It seems like he’s not here right now,” He barely looks around the room, “He must be busy. Do you want me to pass along a message?” His sarcastic voice makes you want to hurl him against the wall.

“I can do just fine on my own.” You push your way past him, almost knocking your shoulder into him but you miss him by a hair. Your eyes wander through the crowd, weaving and darting out of the way of inattentive people so they wouldn’t collide into you. “ _Where are you?”_ You questioned, emitting your words to him mentally.

_“To the left. Near the control panels. I see you.”_ As soon as he said he sees you, your head turns in his direction and you lock eyes with him for a split second. He almost immediately turns away to continue working on something. It makes your heart clench, but you hope he didn’t notice that. You see him talking to a storm trooper, obviously more powerful than the regular white ones. They have a black cape on with pristine red trimming, only draped onto one shoulder of their clean white armor.

“Supreme Leader.” You nod your head at him as a sign of respect.

“This is Captain Sirex. She is an honorary veteran of the First Order who has decided to lead our troops in battle with the Resistance. We have found another lead to find the Resistance. Captain Sirex and I will lead troops to an old Rebellion base on Yavin four to inspect the area. This is the mission I mentioned to you before. You won’t be needed.” He nods his head at the Captain who returns it. The captain glares at you through the black slit of her helmet. Only if you could see her face.

”Yes, sir. Thank you for the new information.“ You almost say it angrily. You won’t be going with them. You want to be able to be with him, but alas… Those are his orders. You should be able to go, you’re his apprentice.

“You’re dismissed. Training will be held today after I am finished here. I will notify you when ready.” Kylo stated, turning his back towards you to search through papers and talk business with this new Captain. You overhear their conversation, “Sir, since we will be leaving tonight. I have gotten the ships ready for transportation and all my troops will be training until we leave.” A smug look appeared on your face as he practically pushes you out of the conversation. He is obviously done talking to you, but you’re not done talking to him.

“Excuse me, Supreme Leader.” You barge in, “I’d like to talk to you… privately.” You bite your bottom lip, bringing it in between your teeth before letting bounce back to it’s intended position. He watches your subtle seducing movements carefully, “Can’t this wait until later?” His voice is deep and full of power. It makes you shiver.

“Not exactly. It’s important business I’d like to discuss without the presence of some people.” You could feel the Captains eyes burning into the side of your face. “Excuse me, Supreme Leader Ren. Can’t your apprentice wait? We have more important things to discuss with not much time left.” Her monotone voice sounds annoyed.

Kylo turns his head towards Sirex, then back to you. “I’m sure this will be quick, Captain. I’ll be back.” His jaw clenches, clearly bothered by how you’re practically pulling him towards you with your mind.

He motions with his head to follow him, once far enough away he speaks to you. “This better be good, Y/N.” He walks towards a door, it’s like a conference room. The large table in the middle almost expands from one wall the other, with at least twenty chairs sat around it. He locks the door with the Force.

“I hope you understand that I am the leader of a military faction. I am only enlightening your wishes because any information can help.” He rubbed his hand over his forehead, rubbing his temples. “I actually don’t have any information. I’m sorry. I just needed to get away from all the eyes staring at me. Plus you seem stressed. I want to help with that.” Your voice purrs out, your hand comes up to caress his upper bicep. His dark eyes look up at you, unable to be read. It frightens you and makes you feel undeniably hot.

“So no, information?” He asks, you shake your head no. He sighs loudly, he fills with anger and annoyance. He is very upset with you. Before he could yell, you step forward and kiss him.

Your hands go to his cheeks and pull him in closer before running your fingers through his hair. “I missed you.” You breathe into his mouth before his hands grip your waist hard, most likely leaving bruises. He begins to unbutton your trousers, pushing them down to the floor along with your underwear. You quickly kick them off to the side before working on his. He does the same, you both leave your shirts on, just for the case of time.

“This needs to be quick.” He growls against you as he lifts you up to press your back against the cold metal wall.

His leather fingers plunge into your wetness, making you gasp and your eyes to roll back in your head. He sucks and nips at the sensitive skin underneath your jawbone as he gets you ready for his dick. His other hand grips your butt as he holds you against the wall, a loud whimpering moan escapes your lips. He stops the movements of his fingers, “Shhh. Can’t let anybody hear us.” He looks directly into your eyes, it makes you weak. You nod, and he pulls his fingers out of your warmth.

His hand reaches underneath you to position himself at your entrance, before letting your body drop slightly and land on him. A loud gasp leaves your lips as he thrusts up into you, your body jumps with each one. “Mm!” You bite down on your lip to contain your sounds. Kylo smirks against your neck as he leaves hickeys below the collar of your shirt, one of his hands go to grab your breast but someone knocks on the door.

“Supreme Leader. You’re needed urgently.” A mans voice sounds from behind the door, you can hear the sound of him pressing the button to try to open the door. “The door is locked, sir.” Kylo continues to pound into you, but slowly so the sound of skin slapping wasn’t audible. One of his hands go to your mouth to silence your uncontrollable moans.

“I’ll be out shortly. Retrieve General Hux if it is that urgent.” Kylo tells the man. He replies to him, “Yes, sir.” The man walks away and Kylo looks at you as he picks up your body from the wall. He holds you as you’re still on him, you feel him pulsating inside of you— It makes you go wild. He sits down on one of the chair, you straddling him. “Ride me. Now. It’ll make you cum quicker.”

Your eyes widen as his hands go to your hips to direct your movements, you began to use your thighs to move up and down on him. Your hands grip his shoulders as your butt slaps down on his thighs, your jaw goes slack but he quickly moves his hand back on top of it to stifle your sounds. You let it all loose into his hand, whining and groaning. He watches you with hungry eyes, his other hand moves from your waist to your clit to rub it.

“C’mon, baby. Do it, you can do it.” He leans forward to nip at your collarbone gently, that is what makes you topple over the edge. Your body convulses, twitching as you let it go all over him. You lean forward, burying your head into his neck as you ride out your high. You can feel Kylo pumping into you, a grunt left his mouth as he came into you.

Sweat made your hair stick to the sides of your face and your forehead. “Stars… Kylo, that was great.“ You say against his sticky skin, “Mm. It was.” He replies, sitting there for a moment. You pull off of him to get up and find your pants. You call them over with your hand and begin to get dressed again.

Once you’re both dressed and look slightly decent, not just like you had sex or anything. “I’ll meet you at our quarters. I won’t be too long.” His eyes stare at you, leaning down to fix your hair with his hands. “I don’t want it to be too noticeable that we just had sex.” He chuckled, standing up straight and he opens the door.

The command center hasn’t changed one bit, there is still people everywhere walking around and Captain Sirex is standing in the same spot waiting for Kylo. She annoys you and you annoy her. You shoot a glance towards Kylo as he walks away from you and you walk towards the exit and back to your quarters to get cleaned up for training.

-

“Fuck you.” You spat out, tears burning in the corners of your eyes. You want to hit him.

During training, he was helping you with the Force, but you couldn’t focus. Kylo instructed you to try to use the Force and the staff at the same time. You couldn’t, so he ended up calling you weak and practically said that you’re stupid. You obviously bring up him not letting you go on the mission.

He has no remorse or care for what leaves his mouth. He sees you about to cry but he just continues with his tantrum. “You don’t even know how to control the Force correctly or protect yourself? How did you expect me to agree to let you come on this mission? Especially with Leia in your fucking head!” He yells, his blood boiling.

“The whole point is that you called me weak and foolish!“ You take a step towards him as you continue to shout, “You laughed at me and brought up how I can’t even protect myself from Hux and how I won’t be able to protect myself from the Resistance _and_ Leia?! You’re an asshole.” You got close to him, pushing his chest. “I don’t have Leia in my fucking head.” You let the tears fall from your eyes as you thought about everything you’ve been through. “You didn’t have to _fucking_ save me. I could’ve handled Hux myself!”

“I know what I said to you. I didn’t have to save you. But I did because it was my choice. You were almost murdered because you couldn’t protect yourself, Y/N. You still can’t. You _are_ foolish and weak.” He snarled, pulling away from you to put on his armor and get fully dressed in his regular garments.

“I have to leave for the mission tonight. I need to tend to some unfinished business.” He begins to walk out of the training room and past the stormtrooper guards. He talked to one of them, probably asking one to stay behind for you.

At least he cares about your safety still.

You scoff at your thoughts, wiping your wet eyes and gathering yourself before walking out to head back to your chambers with the trooper in tow.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo Ren departs for his mission, which unfortunately leaves you alone. You continue to train by yourself, even while someone unwanted lurks in the back of your mind. You get a tip that there might be people in the cells where you were before. Your conscience made you check and what you find is surprising.

It has been two full days since Kylo Ren has left for his mission. Along with Hux, Captain Sirex and a few squads of stormtroopers. They’re on a hunt to find the Resistance and you have a feeling it is almost impossible.

Before Kylo departs he gives you a carrier for your staff. A strap wraps around your torso and the holder hangs against your back so you have easy access to it; in case of an emergency, according to Kylo. You think that a blaster would do more damage but you didn’t dare to question him.

Now that he is gone, you take order of your quarters by paving a spot through the living room furniture so you can train privately. You do twists, kicks and twirls with your staff. You try to imagine that you’re fighting an enemy, although it is better to have Kylo fighting against you. It’s not easy to fight him, but at least it’s an actual person. You swing your staff left and right like you are hitting something.

Sweat begins to build up on your forehead as you continue for almost an hour. You quickly slice the staff through the air and leap forward, curling yourself into a ball as you flipped yourself to land onto your knees.

Your eyes widen as you realize you just did a front flip with the staff in your hands, you have no idea where you learned that. As the front door hisses open, you spin around to attack but a droid appears from the foyer with a tray of food. “Here is food.” It speaks in a automated voice. “I didn’t order food.” Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath after you stood up.

“Supreme Leader Ren has appeared to have ordered a continuous delivery of food here that contains breakfast, lunch, and dinner once a week until he arrives.” It’s mechanical arms extend forward to hand over the tray that’s piled high. You smile and receive it. He’s taking care of you, even from afar.

“Thank you. You’re dismissed.” You begin to walk towards the kitchen to put everything away. You’re grateful because you’ve been running low on food anyways. There’s a bunch of food jumbled together. Packaged breakfast sandwiches, breakfast mixes, fruit, stew, meal grain, cereal, eggs, hot cakes, nuts, mashed vegetables, chips, everything you can possibly think they may have in the cafe and even more.

After everything is put away properly, you walk into the bedroom to wash up and get out of your sweaty pajamas. But Leia’s voice still lingers in the back of your head, it makes you feel like you’re going crazy. You ignore her as best as you can, it is like she’s pounding on the door begging you to let her in. You can’t betray Kylo again, you have to barricade yourself. Especially if he is listening to you. That reminds you because he actually hasn’t reached out. What if you accidentally shut him out too?

You shake your head as you walk to the bathroom, you wouldn’t do that to him.

You only get small breaks from Leia’s persistent torment. You’ve taken notice that she falls asleep before you, so you decided to join her schedule. Just so she wouldn’t wake you up continuously like before. You would wake up in a cold sweat with her voice ringing in your head. Sometimes you swear she’s right next to you in bed. You use staff-training as a coping method to drown out her pestering. When you focus, it is like nobody is in your head or even around you.

-

Two weeks has officially gone by. You’re up early in the morning after being woken up by Leia. The furniture now has its temporary resting place in the corner of the room where you moved it. You grunt as you whip your staff around swiftly, your newly toned muscles in your arms are protruding. You twirl your body like an elegant dancer, repeatedly jabbing it into your imaginary enemy. You jump into the air again to front flip onto the ground but complete a front handspring instead. You jab your ‘enemy’ right in the throat.

The staff falls from your hands and to the ground in shock, you look around as you try to figure out what you just did. It felt amazing. Leia’s voice interrupts your proud moment as she draws out your name like she is tired of saying it. You quickly avert your attention to the kitchen, taking large strides to go find something to drink. She rambles on about how you don’t need the darkness to be strong, and the Resistance always has a place ready for you to come home.

Leia mentions Rey, and how she felt something stir up in the Force. So did Leia, but Rey felt it more strongly. You wonder if it is about Kylo. You hope nothing bad happened to him. Maybe if you communicate just once, it won’t hurt. Plus Kylo should understand since it might be about him. He hasn’t contacted you once so how would you supposed to know? She also mentions how this is the last time she is going to try to contact you, so you give in.

You plop yourself onto the cold metal floor, crossing your legs and resting your hands on your knees. With a few deep breaths, you allow Leia’s voice to flood into your head. You can feel her enter your mind and she can feel you open yourself up.

_“I knew you were listening. Don’t go yet. Rey informed me she felt something last night. She got a vision. You were there, and Ben- I mean Kylo Ren was too. You were taken over by the darkness. You rule the First Order beside Ren.”_ Your eyes go wide and your heart rate picks up. You shouldn’t believe her. You can’t, but you do. Leia would never lie to you.

“General Organa, is this true? Did Rey vision me being a leader?” Your voice is strong and steady.

_“Yes. That isn’t good news though. This wasn’t supposed to make you want to fall deeper into the dark. The dark power that position has is dangerous. We have been trying to keep you from not getting brainwashed too far.”_

“But I will, It’s inevitable. Kylo Ren is my leader and my teacher. We complete each other.” You whisper out almost like it hurts to say, you miss him terribly. “You, out of all people, should understand that. You told me he was happier with me.” You hiss out as anger heats your cheeks up, you’re about to close the conversation but Rey’s voice appears.

_“Y/N. You need to believe me… I mean us. Becoming a Dark Lord among Kylo Ren will destroy you. It’s too strong, he is rushing you into this. He is using you to better the First Order. He is selfish, he doesn’t care about you.”_ You felt your heart drop into the pit of yourstomach. “ _Look, you are getting angry with us already.”_

“You’re lying. You’re just trying to get into my head. I won’t turn against him.” You feel your eyes burning with hot tears, your vision becoming clouded by them. “ _You know it’s the truth, deep down you know it is.”_ Rey’s soothing voice spoke to you.

_“You know that the darkness isn’t the true you. You deserve to be happy, and healthy. Kylo Ren kept you in a cell for countless days. He hasn’t changed since then. He still murders innocent people and destroys towns and villages. Just like your own on Jakku. I bet there are people in those cells right now.”_ Rey states, which made your heart ache even more. You remember what you went through and how you felt; Terrified, hungry and exhausted.

_“You need to understand. The darkness is destroying you. It pains us to see you go down this path, it isn’t too late to–.”_ You cut off Rey, “Stop talking.” You stand up and walk towards the bedroom to get your shoes on. You throw on your hooded tunic and your boots then you walk out of your quarters.

“ _What are you doing, Y/N?_ ” Rey questions you as you glide down the hallways. “I’m going to prove you wrong. There isn’t anybody in those cells. I know it.” You shake your head to yourself and continue down the expanse of hallways. Rey tries her hardest to talk to you but you can’t bring yourself to listen. You venture down to the belly of the ship, stormtroopers guarding the area where the cell block is located.

“You’re not permitted to be down here, miss.” One spoke, his gloved hand resting on his blaster as a sign of him trying to threaten you.

“I work alongside of our Supreme Leader. I’m his apprentice. You wouldn’t want a bad word to be given to him do you?” You retaliated with a cocky attitude. The guards looked at each other then one of them turned around to unlock the gate. “Don’t be long.” He said as you walked through and he shut it behind you. It made a loud clang.

You’re now alone in the long dark hallway in front of you is littered with cell doors on either side. It’s just how you remember when you walked down this hallway. You take a deep breath and go to the first one on your right. It’s vacant, and so is the next one after that, and after that and so on.

Until you get to the very end of the hallway, you hear shuffling from behind a door. It makes your breathing halt and your heartbeat rise. Is there really someone in here? It couldn’t be. You crouch on the floor to look through the food slot on the very bottom. It’s pitch black in there.

“Hello?” You call out into the cell. You hear shallow breathing which makes you back up from the door. It could be a rabid species who could grab your face and rip it off. You never know.

You realized Rey and Leia’s voice has disappeared from your head. You sit up with your legs folded underneath you, “You don’t have to be afraid. I’m on your side here. I promise.” You breathe out calmly. “What’s your name?” You ask quietly.

“Kaydel. Kaydel Ko Connix.” She replies in a weak voice, the name sounds familiar. Before you could ask her, she speaks again. “Who are you?” It’s like she read your mind. “I’m Y/N. I’m going to get you out of here. Are you from the Resistance?” You ask hesitatingly, you can hear her shuffle behind the door.

“Are you trying to interrogate me?” She almost laughed. “I know who you are. The girl who was captured and turned to the dark side instead of trying to escape.” She mocked you, it made your anger rise. Rey’s voice appeared again, “ _Y/N. You need to go. Now. Kylo Ren has to be back.”_ She sounded serious. You refuse to leave her side.

“Kaydel, I am going to help you escape. You don’t deserve to be locked up in here. Who captured you?” You pry more but you receive silence. “Answer me now. I need to help you.” You pressure her and slam your hand against the hard floor, you feel your chest constricting with panic.

“Stormtroopers and their Captain. Your ‘Supreme Leader’ was there as well. Your troopers brought me back to this hell a few days ago.” She coughed out, it sounded hoarse and ill.

You breathed out, standing up quickly off the floor. “I will be back. I am going to make sure you get out of here. I promise.” You told her before running off. Before you could run past the guards you stopped in front of them, “You both never saw anything, okay?” You looked over them both, they nodded in unison. “Didn’t see a thing, ma’am.” One of them spoke and then you bogged down the hallway to make your way to the command center. Especially if Kylo Ren is there.

-

You walk through the large entrance with your head held high, your eyes scanning the area. You spot Hux’s fiery hair in the crowd of black, walking forward to approach him. If he is back, wouldn’t Kylo be back? It made you so excited to finally see Kylo again after all these weeks apart.

“General Hux. I’m sorry to bother you but have you seen Kylo Ren?” You ask him rather speedily, your words almost meshing together. Hux focused his attention on you, looking you up and down. “He isn’t here.” Hux stated before going back to what he was doing. You couldn’t take that as an answer. “What do you mean he’s not here? You’re here.” You scoffed, “He was here, not anymore. Ren and Captain Sirex went back out on their ‘assignment.’” He spoke as he flipped through some papers and scribbled on them.

Honestly, you shouldn’t believe the words coming out of his mouth. He’s trouble. But for some reason, you do this time. An ache settles deep in your chest, almost like someone punched you. “Okay. Thank you for the information.” You barely mutter out to him before walking away. You can feel his eyes watching you, he’s baffled because it’s unlike you to not argue with him.

You dwell into your own thoughts and you sulk all the way to your chambers. If Kylo was on board, wouldn’t he come see you? Maybe he didn’t have enough time. Or maybe he didn’t want to see you. You shake your head as you walk into the living room, and pull your hair out of your ponytail and let your hair fall down your back.

To get your mind off of Kylo, you focus on helping Kaydel, she doesn’t deserve to be down there trapped in the dark with that horrible food. You walk to your kitchen to pack up a bunch of food into a bag bring down to her. You haven’t had much of an appetite lately and most of the food makes you nauseous thinking about it. After filling the pack with food, you hang it onto your back to be able to take it to Kaydel.

You’re going to make sure she gets out of here. No matter what it takes.


	27. Chapter Twenty-Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding a member of the Resistance in a cell, you’re determined to free her. But what will it cost you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: mention of puking & violent reader

“Why can’t you just tell me where he is?” Your voice grows louder as you grow more impatient. Your hands ball up into fists at your sides and your cheeks turn red with anger. You’re staring at the one and only, General Hux. 

“Look, Y/N.” He says as his eyes stay focused on the papers in his hands, “If I really knew anything, I would tell you.” He sighs as he rolls his eyes, “Now, can I get back to my work? You’ve bothered me every day for two weeks.” Hux grumbles as he writes on the paper with his pen and hands it over to one of the crew members next to him. 

He’s right. You should let it go. Maybe you’re so angry because Kylo was here and he didn’t come see you. Also, you can’t feel him anymore through the Force and you’re worried. “Fine. I’ll leave you alone. Sorry.” You huffed as you spin around to leave, making your way towards the exit. You walk down and the take an elevator to the belly of the ship where Connix is located, you’ve become friends with her and gained her trust throughout the course of these two weeks. You’ve also gained the trust of the guards outside of the cell block, only because you told them that you’re interrogating her; which was Kylo’s ‘orders.’ 

The gate is already unlocked since they saw you walking down the hallway, you give them a curt nod as you walk in and to the end to see Kaydel. Today is the day that you’re going to move her up to your quarters, she will get the bed and you’ll sleep on the couch. Only until you figure out a way to get her to escape without you getting caught in the middle. You use the Force to unlock the cell door, you see Kaydel getting all of her food she stored packed away. It’s all the stuff you smuggled in for her. 

“You ready?” She asks, you smile and nod. You feel like you’re doing a good thing, although you are betraying the First Order right under their noses. “Let’s go.” You grab the pack and put it under your hooded tunic to hide it. You use handcuffs to make it seem more real, like she is an actual criminal to you. She winces as you clasp them around her wrists and lead her by them. 

As you near the exit, a sudden whirl of nausea fills you. You have to stop lean against the wall, you breathe through your nose and out of your mouth to try and halt your vomit from coming up. Suddenly, it’s gone and you stand up straight. “You okay?” She asks. You just nod and continue without another word. 

Of course, the troopers stop you but you retaliate with your already thought of excuse, “I have orders from Supreme Leader to interrogate her elsewhere. She will not speak, so I will be using other methods to get it out of her.” You lie right through your teeth, and it’s believable. The guards look at each other before giving you a nod, which signals an okay. You return it and go on your way, dragging her through the hallways. You take shortcuts to get to your quarters faster. Passing people stare and it makes you uncomfortable. You wouldn’t want this to somehow get to General Hux, but it seems inevitable. 

Once you arrive, you get her handcuffs off and take the bag off of your back. “Are you okay? How are you doing?” You ask as she leans forward and hugs you. 

“I am so grateful. I thought you were going to turn on me. Not save me. So many rumors swept through the Resistance about you. Everyone still thinks you’re dead, the only people who know is me, Leia, Rey, Finn and... Poe. He misses you.” She tells you. His name makes you freeze and pull away to look into her eyes. “He knows I’m alive?” And she nods. 

“Stars! Really?!” You pulled away and covered your face with your hands. He knows that you sided with the First Order, but he has to understand it was purely for survival right? Until you fell for their sworn enemy. You have a feeling Leia kept that part from everyone, except from Rey, of course. 

You snap back into reality, “It doesn’t matter if he knows. What matters is that we need to get you off of his ship and back to the Resistance.” You breathe out as you rub your temples and pace back and forth. 

“What about you?” She asks, the question makes you stop in your place and think. “What about me?” You question. “Are you going to come back to the Resistance?” She asks hesitantly. 

It makes you think. You can’t betray Kylo. But what will he do when he finds out that his prisoner is missing? And that you are the mastermind behind her escaping. 

“No. I can’t betray the First Order...” You trail off, something inside of you is urging you to apologize. “I’m sorry.” You struggle to get those words out, your eyes burn with unwanted emotions. Memories of your life in the Resistance flood your head. Her eyes focus on you when she notices your weakened state, “The bedroom is yours, get yourself settled. I am going to train by myself for a bit. The closet is all yours too. Pick out whatever you want.” You sniffle as your head hangs to hide your reddened face. She walks past you and into the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. 

Your hand reaches out behind you to summon your staff and you begin to take your anger out on the closest object to you— One of the plush chairs next to the couch. You hear the wood split and realize the chair is leaning to one side because you broke one of the legs. 

You groan out loud and kick it but you stub your toe. It seems like you have the worst luck today. Great. It can only get better right? 

Your body falls to the floor as you hold onto your injured toe, the stinging shifts to a rhythmic thump. You didn’t realize how badly this could hurt, it’s just a minor injury. It’s not like you broke a bone. Maybe you’re just being over dramatic. 

Soon, the pain subsides but you stay on the floor. Your back lays against the cold ground as you stare at the ceiling in thought, wondering when Kylo is going to come back, how to help Kaydel to escape and keep yourself safe while doing it. It’s stressful. You could die for protecting her; A sworn enemy. 

“Leia, I found your Lieutenant. Lieutenant Connix. She wasn’t in good shape. I took her in, she’s staying with me now. Um, she can’t stay here for long. We need to plan an escape strategy.” You speak to her through the Force. Of course, she replies. 

“I knew she wasn’t gone. The Resistance is so grateful for you. I am so grateful for you. Thank you. I will speak to Poe and Finn. Maybe they can come up with an idea.” She speaks back, “ How are you holding up?” She asks. It almost makes you laugh. 

“Seemingly okay for the situation I’m in. You know I could be killed for doing this?” You tell her. “ Yes, I’m aware. I knew there is still good in you. I will let you know as soon as we have a plan.” She informs you, her voice sounds urgent like she is busy. 

“Go. Hurry. We’ll be waiting.” You reply, and you don’t receive a response. You close off your head, feeling her disappear for the time being. Your eyelids grow heavy as you begin to fall asleep on the floor, but a growling from your abdomen woke you up. Not a hungry growl. Your stomach is bubbling and whining like something isn’t right. A wave of nausea hits you like a ton of bricks, almost making you light-headed. 

You sit up as fast as you can and crawl over to the garbage can to relieve yourself of the contents in your stomach. The bedroom door hisses open, Kaydel comes running to you with her wet hair tied up in a towel and dressed in your clothing. 

She stands there and stares at you as she watches you hurl your organs into the garbage. Finally, you finish and fall backwards onto the kitchen floor with a groan. Kaydel steps over your clammy, pale body to grab a disposable towel and wet it down, so you can wipe your face. “Thanks.” You murmur as you use it then throw it in the trash along with the other products.

“Come on. Let’s get you in the bed. You can’t sleep on the couch tonight. I’ll sleep on the floor or something. Just in case if you need me.” She tells you as she helps you wobble into the bedroom. Hm, she’s pretty nice. Kinda like an older sister. 

As soon as your head hits the pillow, you close your eyes. Kaydel leaves you alone for a little while, leaving you to fall asleep.

The hiss of the bedroom door wakes you up as she tugs on some of the extra blankets on the bed to use them, “Just sleep in the bed. It’s big enough. I know it might be kinda weird but don’t sleep on the cold floor.” Your voice is hoarse from puking. You kept your eyes shut, not wanting to wake up your body too much. 

“Okay...” She sighs, she sounds hesitant but you don’t care. You just turn your body over so your back is facing her and fall right back asleep again. 

You wake up more times you can count on your fingers and toes to puke. You almost didn’t make it to the bathroom a few times. Kaydel helps you, she takes care of you like a family member would. You don’t know why she’s doing it, she’s just so... kind. You thank her more times than you puked though. She mentions calling a doctor, you instantly decline. “No, if they see you. It can get back faster to General Hux. I don’t want you to be killed. Either of us actually.” You sigh, keeping the cool rag on your forehead and over your eyes. 

“I can hide. I’ll hide in the closet or the bathroom. I really think you need help.” Shes sitting on the bed next to you. You think about it for a moment but nausea distracts you, “Fine, fine! I need my tablet. It’s on the desk.” You groan as you hurl over and hold your stomach. You sit up slowly and log a request for a nurse to come visit you. It doesn’t take long because you have to list your chamber number and name. Everyone knows who you are and who’s the chambers belong to. 

Kaydel hides inside of the bathroom as you lay in bed. A nurse walks into your room to come assess you, “Y/N, is it? Hi I’m Nurse Hanna. You logged that you’ve been experiencing nausea and vomiting, correct?” Your eyes open to see a nurse holding onto a stand with wheels that has all sorts of gadgets on it. You notice a blood pressure cuff, a thermometer, pulse oximeter and a stethoscope. She directs you to sit up so she can take your temperature. 

Every comes back normal, your pulse is a little high but she thinks it may just be dehydration from puking so much. She mentions giving you a blood test to make sure it isn’t anything else seriously going wrong. You agree and it hurts, it thumps and is doesn’t feel good at all. 

Finally, she leaves and takes four tubes of your blood with her. You groan as Kaydel comes back into the room, she gives you a cup of water. “Here. Drink, I heard what she said.” She mumbles and helps you sip on the water. 

“You should probably take a shower too. You smell.” She laughs at you and you can’t help but laugh along. 


	28. Chapter Twenty-Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After being ill for a few days, the reader finally figures out what’s been causing it. The plan to escape becomes reality and somebody drops by to say hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings: mentions of puking, exciting/crazy/plot twist???? or maybe everyone knows what’s going to happen idk

“You’re pregnant.” The nurse had gotten your blood test back that gave her the reasoning to you profusely vomiting. “You’ve been diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum. It’s a condition some women get when they’re pregnant.” 

The ring in your ears continue as you stare at the wall, the news you just received has shocked you. Your vision went blurry as you fought back unwanted tears, the nurse tries to talk to you but it sounds like she’s in a tunnel. 

“I know this is surprising. You don’t have to worry, we will take care of you.” The nurse tries to talk to you but you shake your head no. Your hands go over your eyes as you let out the breath you were holding. 

You blink to let your tears fall and clear your vision. A choked sob escaped your mouth, your hand went to rest on your belly. The nurse rubbed your back to comfort you. It’s not that you’re unhappy about this news; you’re scared. The nurse begins to talk about other options but you block her out, you can’t think about that right now.

“It’s normal to get this reaction when you find out you’re pregnant. You also don’t have to worry about me telling anybody. Whatever is said in here is classified.” She tells you which doesn’t calm your nerves at all. “I need time to think. Please leave.” You said as politely as you could while you wipe your snot on the inside of your shirt. 

The nurse sighs and hands you a nurse pager in case you need her. You just put it on the nightstand. As soon as the nurse leaves, Kaydel comes out of the bathroom. She goes to the side of your bed you’re sitting on and pulls you close, “I’m sorry.” Kaydel says as she holds you while you cry. “I need... to talk... to Leia...” You pull away from her and Kaydel sits down on the bottom of the bed. 

You take a deep breath to reach out to her, “Leia. I need you. Something has happened.” You talk to her. “ Yes. I know. I can feel a new life in you. I know you’re torn. I am here for you.” u She says but you stay silent because you know she is going to continue, “But I will tell you that the baby doesn’t need to be surrounded by a dark environment. It’s not healthy for her.”  She speaks to you with a calm voice. As you squeeze your eyes shut, more tears fall from your eyes. 

Deep down you know she’s right. This isn’t a good place to raise a child with all the hate around them. “Her?” you question, “ I just have a feeling. ” She mumbles. You felt nausea build up in your stomach again, swallowing the lump in your throat. You grab the medicine the doctor prescribed you and take one to ease it. “What do I do now?” You question Leia. 

“ Poe said he could use a scavenged stormtrooper uniform to sneak on board the star destroyer. He will bring Rey, Finn and few of our soldiers to hide onboard of his ship in case they are needed.”  Leia explains, it just makes your anxiety strengthen. 

“When?” You inquire, “ Soon. Maybe next week or a few days. Before Kylo Ren gets back.”  You take a deep shaky breath as she says that. You have been here for the past year and now you have to be desert your life in a few days. “We’ve gotten word that he’s in transit to a planet where a star killer.” 

After talking to Leia you tell Kaydel the plan, she agrees with Leia’s plan and gives you the biggest hug. 

“We’ll get out here. I promise.” Kaydel says with a sigh, but you’re not sure if you want to leave.

-

Over a course of a few days, Leia keeps you updated with the plan for the escape. Poe is going to come with Rey, Finn and a handful of Resistance soldiers. He will sneak aboard the ship as a stormtrooper in a stolen First Order ship. 

You grow more nervous by the hour. You don’t know when he will be coming yet. Are you more nervous to leave Kylo Ren or to see Poe? You have absolutely no idea. 

Another day goes by and Leia tells you that Poe will be coming in a few days. That happened faster than you expected. Although, you haven’t been throwing up as much as the nurse said you would. So that’s a plus. 

Kaydel has packed your bags for you already, taking almost everything; Even the clothing with the First Order emblems on them and food. She reassures you that you’ll get clothes with an actual color other than red, black, and gray. You think that you probably won’t be able to fit into your clothing soon anyways. 

You’ve come to terms with your new little life in you. It’s been a whirlwind of emotions, but you have to keep your little one safe and healthy. 

You are sitting on the couch, your hand ghosting across your non-existent pregnant belly. It was pure happiness.

The front door opens to the chambers, a hiss escaping the mechanics as they close. Chills rise up your arms, the hair standing upon them. You turn your head to the side to see Kylo Rens dark figures standing there, his eyes looking over the broken chair in the corner then drifting to you. You’re just sitting on the couch with your hand under your shirt resting on your belly, but you quickly pull it out. He takes in the scene in front of him slowly before he takes long strides towards you.

Your eyes widen, your breath halting. Then your eyes go towards the bedroom door where Kaydel is getting everything ready for the next day. Does he know she’s here?

Oh, stars. “What happened here?” He said as he stares down at you. Not a ‘how are you?’ or ‘did you miss me?’ A part of you wishes he didn’t come back so soon. “What?” You snapped with your eyebrows furrowed. He grumbles under his breath, whispering something incoherently. His hands reach for you and you take them so he can hoist you to your feet. 

He hands stay interlocked with yours, leaning in to give you a kiss on the forehead as his arms slip around your waist to pull you closer. At first, you were stiff and surprised. Then you realized he was embracing you. Your body almost collapsed in his arms, a loud relieved sigh falls from your lips. “I missed you. Why didn’t you come to see me when you were here?” You ask, your head resting on his chest. 

“I simply had no time.“ He mumbles against your head. “I tried to reach out to you as I left, but I didn’t receive a response, so I came back.” His hold on you tightened as he presses his body flush against yours. Even through his layers of armor, his warmth comforts you. “I needed to see if you were alright. Look at you though, you look so frail...” He rests his chin on top of your head with a sigh. 

“You were worried about me?” You question him. “Of course.” He sighs again, shaking his head with a frown. This is the most emotion you’ve seen from him. It makes your heart hurt that you’re going to leave. 

“I can feel it.” He whispers randomly, “Feel what?” You ask. “The pain in you. The light. You’re torn.” His warm hand slips under your shirt to rest on your belly. 

Oh no. Your heartbeat rises as he holds you tighter. “You’re worried about our child being surrounded by this darkness. There is fighting on both sides of the war. They won’t escape it. The darkness is embedded in them. Their great-grandfather and their father are a part of it.” He stated, although his voice is stern. 

“You know? How?” You ask, lifting your head off of his chest to look him in the eyes. “I felt the life form in you when I left. It pained me not to tell you. Our child has so much power already and it is are barely formed yet. We will rule the galaxy. We will.” He gave you a curt nod, obviously, he’s on a power trip. It made you feel odd when he said that your baby is powerful. What does he mean? 

Kylo Ren takes your hand and leads you to the bedroom, you panic on the inside. When you go in, there’s no sight of the bags and no Kaydel. She must be in the bathroom. The bed is made too. Kylo walks to the closet, instantly noticing the lack of clothes on your side. “Where is your clothing?” He asks as he picks out his leisure clothing. “Oh, I’m just running low. I haven’t been feeling good so laundry was the last thing to worry about. Don’t worry, I had someone take care of it.” You lie right through your teeth, a small smile on your face. 

“I’m going to take a shower, I’ll be right out.” He goes to walk towards the door but your eyes go wide, “No! I mean, I have to pee first. Can I use the toilet before you go in?” You ask with a smile as you walk towards the door, you peck him on the lips. “Also, I’m a bit hungry. Can you get me a snack?” You laugh, pulling him closer to kiss him once more. It feels nice to be this close to him again. “Of course. I’ll be right back.” He says as he turns around and walks out. 

As soon as the bedroom door shuts, you rush into the bathroom to get Kaydel. She’s hiding in the shower with the bags. As fast as you’ve ever moved, you help her stuff the bag under the bed and her too. She needs to stay there until he falls asleep. Of course, she complies. She doesn’t want to be caught. As Kylo is walking back into the room, you jump onto the bed and sit on your side of the bed as he hands you a glass of water and a bowl of cereal. You thank him and eat as he goes to take a shower.

You’re harboring a fugitive right under his nose and you’re supposed to leave tomorrow with her.  What are you going to do now? You have no idea. Especially because your baby is making you wish to stay with Kylo. She is pulling you towards him, all you want is him. You crave Kylo’s attention. 


	29. Chapter Twenty-Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding out that you are, in fact, pregnant with Kylo Ren’s child; You make a decision to leave the First Order to raise your child in a more welcoming environment— hoping to give your kid a better childhood, you side with the Resistance. But will you go through with it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof, good luck with this chapter.

The night drags on slowly, you fall asleep in Kylo’s arms. It’s a habit, they’re just so welcoming and warm. You realize in your sleep that you forgot something. Kaydel is still under the bed. You sit straight up with a gasp, your eyes frantically looking around in the dark. Thankfully, Kylo just grumbled and turned over on his side. How are you supposed to get her out of here? 

You carefully slip away from Kylo’s warmth and out of the covers. You watch Kylo’s body as you kneel to the ground to come face to face with a sleeping Kaydel. You smile softly but you have to poke her gently to wake her up. You peek up at Kylo to see him laying in bed, still asleep. She wakes up and you coax her from underneath the bed to follow you. She grabs the pack and slips out from underneath you. 

Her brown eyes go wide when she notices Kylo in bed, but you respond by putting your finger to your lips. “Let’s go. I have a plan.” You mouth to her and she nods. You open the door and peek back at Kylo. A small frown appears on your face, you just want to crawl back into bed with him. Kaydel notices this too. “You okay?” She asks once the bedroom door shuts. You nod in response and continue out of the chambers. 

You both tip-toe across the pristine black marble floor as you come across the small meeting room you were searching for. It has a small table with a few chairs, it’s vacant thankfully. 

“You can hide in here. It will be safe. I will lock the door. And when Poe comes later today, I will come to get you and we can go to him together.” She nods and opens her mouth to speak but you cut her off, “Nobody uses this room so there is no way for anyone to get in or out...” You trail off, “So I can’t leave? Not that I want to. I know I would get caught immediately.” She mumbled. You walked over to her to hug her. “Don’t worry. Everything will be okay. You’ll be reunited with the Resistance.” You give her a small smile as you pull away to go back to Kylo but she pulls you back. 

“Wait. I need to tell you something before we see Poe.” She mumbles, gnawing at her lip nervously. “Yeah, what is it?” Your own heart starts to beat harder. “Well since you’ve been ‘gone.’” Her hands rise to make quotation marks in the air, “Poe and I’s relationship blossomed into something more than just colleagues.” You stare at her with a blank expression. 

Why do you feel so much anger and jealousy? Poe isn’t and was never yours. He has the right to move on and find his own happiness. Plus, you’re pregnant with Kylo Ren’s child, there’s no room for you to say anything negative about it. You force a smile onto your face, “Of course I’m okay with it... If that’s what that’s about.” You laugh softly, her face rises and she smiles. “I’ll be back with Poe okay? Don’t you worry.” You give her one last hug before exiting the room. 

You spin around towards the door and put your hand out to lock the door. A loud click signifies it worked. You sigh softly, your cold hands rub over your face. You turn on your heels and start to walk back to Kylo, wanting his arms wrapped around you one last time. 

On the way, you notice Hux walking far ahead in front of you. Your legs gain speed as you jog to him to walk next to him. He notices your presence immediately. “Well, what are you doing up so late wandering the halls?” He asks as his head stays forward. 

-

Over the days Kylo Ren was gone, you and Hux became  slight friends. Well to you, he was a friend. After you annoyed him constantly about Kylo’s whereabouts, he would visit you and tell you everything he knows. It was a nice gesture, especially for him being the man who tried to murder you. 

-

“Oh, me? Just clearing my head. Ridding my thoughts.” You smile and knock your shoulder into his. He looks over at where you touched him and scowls, “I’ll escort you to your quarters.” He takes a turn down a corridor and you follow him willingly. You thank him when you near the door, giving him a wave before disappearing behind it. 

As you walk into the living area, Kylo is pacing the floor in his pajamas. When he notices you have walked in, his stern face softens and he takes large steps up to you. His arms encase your body before pulling away, his hands on your shoulders. “You cannot leave without letting me know. I didn’t know where you went.” He lectures you, “I’m sorry... I just wasn’t feeling too good and I needed to get out and walk. It doesn’t help that I’m stuck on a humongous ship with no fresh air.” You huff, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“I can make something happen about that.” Kylo’s face turns into a small smile, “We can take a trip to a nearby planet for the day. You can get all the fresh air you’d like.” 

You’re shocked. Is Kylo asking to take you out on a date? After he knocked you up? Your smile grows then fades when you realize you’d be gone by today. “What? What is it?” Kylo’s face grows concerned.

The stress is getting to you. You begin to grow light-headed, the room around you spins. Kylo catches you as your knees buckle, the spots in your eyes start to diminish as he carries you to the couch. 

“Maybe I should call the nurse.” Kylo goes to grab your pager for her but you stop him, “No, no. Don’t.” You shake your head, one of your hands rest on your forehead as the other reaches out for him. “I’m sorry.” You apologize, he didn’t know what for. He kneels on the floor next to the couch. 

You feel like something is urging you to tell him the truth. 

To tell him that you’re leaving him to take his baby away, to go live with his mother in the Resistance because it’s not safe for a child to grow up in this environment. Also, you broke out one of his prisoners to take with you. 

“Kylo. I think that... I think that I need to go to bed.” You blurt out, feeling yourself sadden as he nods and begins to carry you to the bed. You can’t tell him. 

As you’re laid in bed, you pull the blankets over your chilly body and he climbs in next to you. You turn your back towards him and he does the same to you. It feels like you separated yourself from him when you didn’t tell him the truth. Will that make it easier for you to leave? You shake your head and close your eyes to go to sleep. 

-

A loud siren emitting from the ship woke you and Kylo out of slumber. Your eyes opened to flashing red lights, your hands reached for Kylo and he grabs them. “Hold on!” He yells over the loud sound as he slips out of bed and turns the lights on. The red light continues to flash but they are now dimmed. 

He instantly starts to get dressed, grabbing his armor and putting on all of the layers, zipping his boots onto his feet. He reached for his saber and it flies to his hands, “Stay here. I’ll get troops to guard you. I need you both to stay safe.” He leans over the bed, planting a kiss onto your forehead as his hand rests on your abdomen. Kylo backs away from you, his legs take long strides towards the exit, disappearing behind the mechanical bedroom door. 

You already know what’s going to happen. Poe is here with Rey, Finn and their troops. Chaos erupts as you quickly get up to get dressed, pulling on your pants, a long sleeve shirt and one of Kylo Ren’s hooded tunics; It smells just like him too. You snuggle against the thick fabric then grab your combat boots to slip your feet into them and lace them up. You use a hair tie on your wrist to pull your messy sleep hair into a low bun underneath the hood. 

“Poe’s got Kaydel. I’m coming to get you, Y/N.” Rey’s voice echoes in your mind. 

You’re not going with them. Your child needs their father. You feel tears run down your cheeks unwillingly as you let out a sob, your hand rests on your belly. Kylo said he is going to have troopers guard you, hopefully, they’ll fight hard against Rey. Their chance of survival is slim. 

You sit down onto the couch, your feet planted onto the ground as you watch the door. You have your staff in your hands just in case they try to forcibly take you. You hear noises coming from outside of the front door. Blaster shots and the sound of a lightsaber. You start to get up but it goes silent, the front door panel starts to smoke as someone begins to manually pull it open. 

Rey  and Finn. 

They both step inside, their stern faces soften when they see you sitting on the couch. Rey shuts off her lightsaber and begins to walk towards you quickly, she extends her hand for you to take. “C’mon. We’ve got to go.” Her thick accent speaks, motioning for you to get up. 

“No, I can’t go.” You look at her in the eyes as you stand up beside them, not taking her hand. Finn stares at you with a confused look, his eyes darting between you and Rey. “What do you mean?” Rey almost laughs as her hand falls back to her side. 

“Exactly what I said. I’m not leaving. You should go before Kylo comes back for me.” You push past them, not wanting to be confronted anymore. 

“Rey, what do we do?” You hear Finn sigh as he talks to Rey. “No, we can’t do that!” Finn whisper-yells, “Rey, wait!” His panicked voice makes you turn around and reach for your staff but you’re too late. Rey’s hand goes to the side of your head, instantly your eyes grew heavy and blurry. Finn runs up behind you to sweep you off your feet before you fall. “We got her. Let’s go.” She grumbles you try to fight off the sleepiness but you let yourself be engulfed by the darkness. 

Blasters being shot is what wakes you up, your eyes unable to open but your ears can hear everything going on. You can feel that you’re laying on the cold ground, somebody is standing next to you. Their footsteps stomping on the ground next to your head but then somebody hoists your body into their arms. You want to protest but your muscles don’t respond. “We’ve got to get her on the ship before he comes.” It’s Poe. 

You let out a tiny groan as your eyes flutter open as you become conscious; your vision is still blurry. “Let...me...go...” You manage to speak as he runs across the hangar with you bouncing in his arms. “I’m sorry. We’re doing this for your own good.” Poe says through his heavy breathing. You can barely make out what’s going on around you until you hear the angry, vibrating sound of a lightsaber. 

“He’s here!” Somebody screams as blasters begin to shoot, “Kylo!” You gasp, your breath leaving your body as you panic. You muster up enough strength to lift your head and peer over Poe’s shoulder to see his black silhouette swinging his red saber to deflect the blaster bullets.

Poe scrambles onto the ship, the sound of metal echoing from his footsteps as he lays you down across some seats. Many people clamber onto the ship as Poe readies the engines of the ship. You can faintly see the outline of Finn’s face when he kneels next to you— his presence calms you. “It’ll be okay. We’re getting out of here.” Finn tries to soothe your nerves but it’s impossible. Your heart aches for Kylo; tears begin to slip out of the corners of your eyes. Finn gently wipes them up with his finger and his other hand grabs yours. 

The feeling of the ship lifting up makes your stomach twirl, and not in a good way. The ship rocks as it dodges (and gets hit by) bullets. “Hold on!” Poe yells as he hits the hyperdrive while still in the hangar, making everybody jolt and brace for hyperspace. The brightness swirling around the ship makes you open your eyes. You can see slightly better now. 

Poe is clicking buttons while Rey is in the co-pilot seat helping him. The other Resistance troops are sitting in their seats that line the wall of the ship, buckled in. Kaydel is helping others tend to the wounded in the back of the ship— And Finn is still sitting beside you. “Why?” You croak out, your voice is hoarse. “I’m not sure what you mean.” Finn frowns. “Rey. Why?” You mutter, shaking your head and squeezing your eyes shut. “Oh...” He sighs, his hand squeezes yours. “I’ll let her tell you.” He stands up, your hands separate as Rey kneels down to your level. “Fuck you.” You spat out angrily, wishing you had enough energy to hit her.

“I’m sorry.” She apologizes sincerely as she moves her eyes to the floor. “I didn’t want to take you like that. You are... I mean, you both are safer now. It’s not healthy for you to be in that environment. I don’t know what made you change your mind.” She sighed as she plops on the floor completely. 

“Kylo... He changed.” You cough out, wincing as you did so. “He could never.” She laughed, shaking her head. “He did. He cares for me and his baby. My child needs their father.” You snap, you glare at her. “Everything will be okay. You will get enough help to raise the child. Leia is there. If you would have stayed, the child will grow up with hatred. Why? Because of  him . ”  She stands up quickly and storms away. 

More tears begin to fall from your eyes as a choked sob leaves your mouth, your hand slides onto your belly to rest there.

You begin to fall back asleep, sleepiness taking over your body. Where will you be when you wake up? You have no idea. 


	30. Chapter Thirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The resistance has unwillingly taken you under their wing. Now that you’re away from Kylo, will your Force connection remain intact? Hopefully Kylo will find a way to rescue you someway, somehow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning: soooo many emotions

A tremble of the ship startles you as you launch your body forward, sharply inhaling through your nose. Your head frantically turns as you look around, realizing that the outside the ship was no longer swirling or black with twinkling stars. It was white as it travels through the puffy turbulence-ridden clouds of an atmosphere on a planet. 

In the seat next to you sat Poe, his sleeping face made you calm slightly. You looked at the pilots' seats to see Rey and Finn occupying them. They must have taken a shift to fly and let him rest. You lay back down across the seats, your eyes focusing on the metal ceiling above you. 

Poe’s close proximity made you realize that you really missed him, his distinct smell of leather and a hint of some kind of herb. Your eyelids start to get heavier again, but something whirs next to you. A series of soft beep sounds are close to your ear. It’s BB-8. 

You gently peek your eyes open to see the orange and white droid, a small smile forming in your lips. “Hi, buddy.” You yawn as the droid says that it missed you, andPoe did too. “I missed you guys too.” You couldn’t help but reply. It was somewhat true, of course, but your heart will always remain with Kylo. 

BB-8 bids their goodbye as it rolls away into the back of the ship, leaving you to close your eyes again. “You missed me too, huh?” Poe’s groggy voice spoke, making your eyes reopen as you looked up at him. 

You’re surprised, happy, nervous. So many mixed emotions emitting from your brain. You didn’t know what to say. “You look shocked. Are you okay?” He asks as he stretches his body then he reaches toward you. “I really did miss you.” His pearly smile was wide. His hand gently reached out to pull you into a hug.

He engulfed you in his arms, one of his hands going to the back of your head to cradle you. For some reason, emotions washed over you like a tidal wave. You began to silently cry against the shoulder of his uniform, your shoulders quivering, “Shhh. It’s okay, it’s okay.” He attempts to calm you, his hand gently smoothing down your barely tied back hair. 

He took a deep breath before pulling away, “Finn told me what happened. I didn’t expect her to take you. I thought you were coming willingly. If I was there, I wouldn’t have let it happen.” He shook his head disappointedly, “Even if it would’ve hurt me to let you stay.” He mumbled, his eyes falling. 

“But you were the one carrying me into the ship?” You questioned, your eyebrows wrinkling in the middle. “They were shooting at us and at you. I had to bring you onto the ship for your own well-being.” He sighs and you just nod. It makes sense. 

The ship shakes as it drops below the clouds, the snowy mountainous landscape coming into view. Your mouth fell open, you’ve never seen snow before. “We’ve been taking refuge on Hoth in an old base, it’s cold but we’re surviving.” Poe smiles.

The ship nears the face of an icy mountain. You brace for impact but a large hole opens, snow falling on the ship as it gently glides it into the hidden hangar. There are crew members working, sparks flying from some machinery. A group of people is gathered to the side to watch the ship land, waiting for everyone to exit. 

The ship's door drops open, creaking as it nears the floor to create a ramp. The soldiers walk out first, waving as some people cheer in the crowd. You stay seated, not wanting to leave yet. 

Rey clicks off some buttons, the sound of the engine fades as it powers down. The injured is next, some people had an arm sling on as they walk out from the back of the ship. You noticed bandages on people’s heads and legs too, some limping. Kaydel comes up behind Poe, her hand rests on his shoulder. His hand goes up to rest on hers. 

Rey and Finn leave next, unbuckling from their seats. Finn smiles at you, but Rey completely ignores that you’re there. She speedily exits the ship towards the crowd of people. “She’ll come to...” Finn says with a one-sided smile as he walks off. Your eyes watch as he jogs to see Rose and instantly he kisses her and lifts her up from the ground. Aw, they must be official now. 

You look around the ship to see that it’s almost empty; only Poe, Kaydel, and BB-8 are left. Poe says something to the droid but it fell deaf to your ears as you stare into the crowd. Your eyes swim through the people, your ears ignoring everything that Poe is saying to you. The Force is calling out to you. 

He stood up next to you to try and get your attention. His hand goes to your shoulder to attempt to shake you back to reality but you quickly stand to your feet and storm off of the ship.

You focus in on wherever your feet are taking you, your skin burning with fear and anxiety. It’s Leia. You need to let her know what happened with Rey. You  have to.

You can hear Poe yelling your name as he jogs after you, he’s scared. You feed off of his fear by picking up your speed as you run towards her. “Stop!” Poe and Kaydel scream at you. They think you’re going to hurt Leia. You can just feel it. 

You continue to push through the crowd, some people staring and grumbling as you make them stumble. You finally see her and Rey is already talking to her. You can still faintly hear Poe screaming your name as he loses you in the crowd. You have no idea how you were guided to this specific spot. When she turns around, her face softens at the sight of you. Her hand reaches for you but before you could take a step, your legs defy you. As Poe reaches for you, his eyes widen as you fall. Your knees collide with the hard, cold ground. You’re a weeping mess, not caring that people are looking at you. 

Leia dismisses everyone sternly, but Finn sticks around and sends Rose on her way to celebrate with everyone else. Poe bends down, his arm going to wrap around your shoulders to comfort you but you pull away. “Get off of me. I could feel your fear. I wasn’t going to hurt Leia.” Your eyes blinded by tears, “No just let me explain-“ You cut him off, “Just go.” You let out an almost animalistic growl. Leia’s hand hesitatingly touches your shoulder to try and console you. 

“Poe, go. I have this under control.” Leia bends down slightly to pull you up into an embrace. You lean into her motherly touch, almost instantly you begin to feel yourself calm down. You inhale through your nose to sniffle as you wipe your wet cheeks off, “Just because I was with the First Order, doesn’t mean I’m a horrible person.” You croak out. 

“I don’t think that of you. Although I can’t control what other people think but only you can control how you feel.” Her words resonate in your head.

“Let’s go somewhere more private so we can talk.” Leia glances over at Finn to come over.He gently hooks his arm around your waist for support and gives you a welcoming, warm squeeze. 

Once you make it to Leia’s dwellings, he sits you down on a plush couch. Your hands gently spread over the fabric as Leia sits in the chair in front of you. As soon as Finn leaves, your thoughts begin to spew from your mouth. “Nobody trusts me. Yes, I was with the First Order. I turned to the dark side but I still have light in me.” You take a deep breath before continuing, “But so does Rey. She’s dark too. She’s selfish and so cruel. She’s a hypocrite.” You sniffle, your face going into your hands.

Leia’s facial features scrunch up in confusion, “Why?” She simply questions you. “Why?” You practically laugh, “Because she took me. She took me from  him . I wanted to stay. I decided that our child needs to be with their father. She used the Force on me to make me unconscious!” Your hands go up in the air in frustration ,  tears brimming your eyes again. 

“Goodness.” She shook her head, one of her hands rubbing her forehead. “I’ll make sure she doesn’t come near you for a while. You shouldn’t go anywhere near her either. I will talk to her.” She sighed. 

“I want you to know that we’re all here for you.” She trails off, “I only told Rey and Finn about your pregnancy. I felt like you should tell Poe on your own terms. I don’t know how he will react, but he can never be mad at you for too long.” She smiles reassuringly, “Just tell him before you become too noticeable, okay?” She gets up and outreaches her hand and you take it. “Let’s get you to where you’ll be staying.”

-

“So this is your room. This is mine. The bathroom is the door in the middle.” Poe points to the correct doors as you look around curiously. There’s a desk in the living area and a little place for BB-8 to power up. Also, an itchy handwoven rug laying on the concrete. Poe walks to your door to open it, “It’s a little boring. Just a bed, a dresser and a small table next to your bed.” Poe shrugs, “I have the same exact thing, mine is just a little... worn in. Oh, and you have a bathroom connected to yours? Lucky.” He chuckles awkwardly. 

You turn your head around to see Kaydel and Leia talking out in the living area, it seems kind of heated. “Thank you for letting me be your roommate.” You send a small smile towards him. “Oh yeah, no problem. I just want you to be comfortable.” He shrugs with a grin. “I didn’t want you to be sent into a room full of strangers, ya know?” You just nod in response as you walk into your room. You plop onto the bed, “It’s actually quite comfortable.” You laugh, not expecting it. Poe nods with a laugh, “Yep. The beds are the only things here that aren’t frozen.” His voice has a joking tone to it. You can’t help but giggle. 

Kaydel comes and shuts down the mood in the room, “Goodnight.” She simply says to Poe, giving him a chaste kiss on the lips, his hand intertwining with hers. You look away to give them their privacy, but you can’t help but notice how Poes' hand slowly slips out of hers as she walks away. “Goodnight, Y/N,” Poe says after a moment with a smile before walking out of the doorway. Leia replaces him, “Have a good night. Sleep well.” Her hand grabs the doorknob to close the door. You’re alone once again. 

-

A week goes by while you‘ve been with the Resistance. Leia assigned you some jobs around the base to help Finn out with cleaning all the weapons and helping Poe with ship maintenance. 

You’ve gotten into a steady routine. When you wake up, you take a shower and get dressed. Then you go to the cafeteria to eat breakfast with Poe, Kaydel and their friends. They aren’t exactly people you’d hang out with, but it is definitely a change from the stormtroopers. After eating, you meet with Finn to help him out with the weaponry stock then you go eat lunch. But if you finish early, you go back to your room and usually, you’ll nap. Once you eat lunch, you go with Poe to help him with the ships and droids. But today is a little different. 

After you finish your ‘chores’ with Poe, he tells you to head to get some dinner without him. You shrug it off as you make your way to the cafe to eat. It’s really not as good as the First Order. You eat your supper with Finn, Rose, and Chewie today. When you finish early, Finn offers to walk you back to your room but you decline him nicely. “Thank you, but I’m tired anyways.” 

As you walk back, it is quite busy in the halls but when you get the living quarters, it’s quiet. When you walk in the door, you don’t expect to see what is right in front of you. Poe and Kaydel in the desk chair,  heavily making out. You covered your eyes as you walk past them quickly to your bedroom door. You open it with the Force and close it a bit too loudly with a clench of your fist. You can hear them talking and shuffling around outside, then the front door slams shut. 

You wince as you lay on your bed, letting go of breath you didn’t know you were holding. There’s a hesitant knock on your door then it opens. “Hey, uh, I’m really sorry about that. I didn’t expect you to be back so soon.” He clears his throat, “Mm, It’s okay.” You mumble into your pillow, your eyes closed but you end up opening them to see him standing there awkwardly. It makes you laugh. 

“What?” He questions, his face crinkling up. “You just look funny standing there. It’s not like I walked in on you guys naked.” You shrug it off like nothing, “I was just surprised that’s all.” You turn on your back to look at him. You pat the empty spot on your bed, he walks up to sit down on it next to you. “Do it in your room next time.” You whisper playfully, your eyes looking up at the gray ceiling. You can feel him staring at you. 

“What?” You mock him as you look at Poe, his face flushes for a moment but he remains eye contact with you. “Nothing. Sometimes I just get a little nostalgic.” He shrugs, “We went through so much back then.” He laughs, “It feels too calm. Just to see you here relaxing, we’re not stressing about being brutally murdered.” His sentence makes you laugh. It’s definitely true. He scoots next to you on the small bed, laying on his side facing you. You turn on your side to face him with a smile on your lips.

For a moment, you feel like you’re swept back in time. You know he feels it too. Tension grows between the empty space of your bodies, a need to be closer to him. Before your faces get too close together you interrupt him. 

“I need to talk to you.” You blurt, not wanting to feel this magnetic pull to him anymore. “Oh okay... What is it?” He asks, his voice sounds a bit bummed. 

You decide to just be straightforward, “I’m pregnant.” You blurt out, instantly making his eyes widen in shock. “What?” He asks, sitting upon his knees in front of you. “With who’s baby?” He knows who the father is. His face pales when he realizes, “Him?” He asks sadly, his shoulders falling. 

You sit up too, moving your back against the headboard. “Yes... I’m sorry...” You sniffle, letting your built-up emotions loose. You put your head in your hands as you feel embarrassed and ashamed. 

“There is no reason for you to be sorry. It’s really not your fault.” Poe sighs, his hands resting on your thighs. “I’m sorry for making it seem like you need to apologize.” He sighs again, biting his lip as he pulls your hands away from your face. 

“I’m not mad. I’ll help you with anything you need, want... Anything. Just call for me and I’m there.” He says with true meaning to his words then climbs off of the bed carefully. “Get some rest. I’ll be in my room if you need anything.” You nod, bidding him goodnight before you get up to change into your pajamas.

-

Even in the frigid temperature, sweat builds up on your forehead as you toss underneath the thick bed sheets. Your eyes shoot open suddenly, losing your breath as you sit up in bed. You lean against the cold wall behind you as you tie your hair on top of your head. Something unknown is telling you in your gut that someone is watching you. Slowly, you peek an eye open and see nothing. You look around, completely missing the dark shadow in the corner. 

For a second, you think it’s your brain playing tricks on you. When your eyes go back to that corner, you see him. You let out a yelp, pulling the blankets over your head. Kylo’s body evidently twitches when you made that noise. You pull the blankets away from your face to peek out. He is still standing there in the corner with his arms crossed. His index finger going over his lips to shush you. “What is going on?” You whisper yell at him. 

Before he could answer, Poe comes running into the room, the light turning on. “Hey, are you okay?” He’s clothed in a sweatshirt, sweatpants, and socks; obviously cold. 

You look over at Poe, then at the corner again. From his point of view, it’s empty. “What?” His eyes go to the corner and back to you. 

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You dismiss him, gulping as his eyes look around. “Okay...” He doesn’t believe you but he leaves you alone and closes the door. 

You let out the breath you were holding, turning your attention to Kylo Ren. “What is he doing here?” He’s mad. “Don’t worry.” You scoff, not realizing Poe had opened the door and was staring at you talking to the wall.

Kylo motions towards the door with a flick of his head, your eyes trailing to Poe who has wide eyes. “What’s going on?” Poe’s voice is shaky. “Nothing.” You slip out of bed, you shiver from the cold floor. “I said I was fine, please go.” You gently coax him out of the doorway and close the door with the Force as you walk towards Kylo. His onyx eyes soften as you near closer to him. 

“I can feel you’re not truly happy here. Come back to me.“ You notice that his gloves are off of his hands, you can see his swollen veins underneath his porcelain skin. Your eyes burn with tears threatening to spill over onto your flushed cheeks. His hand's outreach for you to take them, you battle yourself. “I can feel the light in you but you are so much more powerful by my side.” His deep voice rumbles. 

As gentle as you would touch the glass, you slip your hands into his. A soft relieved sigh leaves his lips, it’s like he’s there with you. His warmth, the pulse in his wrist pumping against your fingertips. His nimble fingers wrap around your wrists. “I hope this isn’t a hallucination or something.” You mumble into the air as he pulls you into an embrace. You let out a relieved sigh as you curled your head under his chin, realizing how much you truly miss him. 

The pressure of his arms being wrapped around you disappears, making you fall forward since he isn’t supporting you anymore. You gasp as you fall forward on all fours, there are definitely going to be bruises there in the morning. 

You let out a guttural sob, the door to your bedroom swings back open as Poe rushes in, confused by your heart-wrenching cries. His arms cradle around your body, pulling you into his chest to soothe you. His face is furrowed in confusion but he has a feeling it has to do with Kylo. He gently pulls your body from the cold floor and into the bed. 

Tears continue to fall from your eyes even after you’ve calmed down, snot and tears all over his and your own shirt. Poe has his arm wrapped around you as he cuddled with you. He was on top of the blankets while you were underneath, he didn’t want to get too close and you don’t blame him. 

He asked you questions but you just gave him a shake or nod of your head to answer, not trusting your own voice just yet. Soon, you fell asleep as did Poe. It was comfortable, warm and welcoming. 

-

The next morning, you wake up slightly more refreshed than you thought you would be. You believed that you‘d be groggy and exhausted. Carefully, you unwrapped yourself from Poe’s arms and went to go take a shower. 

When you were done, you walk into your room with a towel wrapped around your body and one wrapped in your hair. As you’re about to grab clothes to get dressed in the bathroom, the bed squeaks. “Y/N?” His morning voice calls out. You look behind you as his eyes open, then they widen when he sees you in a towel. “I see you were up bright and early.” He chuckled as he stretched his limbs, making a weird noise. You just laughed, “I’m gonna get dressed. You should too.” You said while you walked into the bathroom. 

Once you were completely ready, you walked out of the bathroom to see Poe sitting on your bed but he was dressed. “Come on slowpoke. I’m hungry. Let’s go get breakfast.” You smile at his words, rolling your eyes playfully as you follow him to the cafeteria. 

As you sit down across from Poe with your food, Kaydel sits down next to him. He plants a kiss on her cheek which makes you smile slightly and look down at your food as you ate it. 

Rey sat down next to you and began the small talk with everyone at the table, you joined in on some conversations. Suddenly, everything around you went silent but everyone is still moving and talking. A soft ringing started in your ears as your eyes darted around, panic settling in your chest. 

Poe noticed how your chest was rising and falling, his large smile slowly started to turn into a concern. His mouth was saying your name but you couldn’t hear it. You stand up as quick as possible, running out of the cafeteria with your hands on your ears. You press your back against the wall, sliding down it until your bottom hits the floor. “Stop, stop!” You whispered to yourself. 

Rey came around the corner, her eyes widening when she saw you cowered into a ball. Her words fall deaf to your ears but you try to read her lips, “Calm down. Meditate. Take deep breaths.” She says. You slowly take deep breaths, focusing on your energy. Your hearing starts to come back but Rey stands up from her spot next to you. 

You take a deep breath as the Force buzzes through your body, gently pulling you up from the floor. Rey gently says your name, but her voice seems hesitant. You open your eyes, realizing that you’re floating above the floor. You quickly drop, your body falling back into the wall. The last time you did that was when you broadcasted yourself to find Leia on D’Qar.

Rey’s eyes are wide, her lips slightly parted, “How did you do that?” 


	31. Chapter Thirty-One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey has invited you to her quarters and hopefully it is just to make amends. Ever since Leia had told you both to stay away from each other, you haven’t seen her except when she randomly sat down next to you. Maybe she can give you some insight on why the Force is making you see Kylo Ren.

The soft stomps of your boots carry you down the hallway towards Rey’s quarters, you can’t help but grow nervous. After she saw you rise from the ground when she told you to meditate, she wants you to meet her in her quarters. But the negative memories of her on the Star Destroyer still play in your mind. 

Once you reach the door, your fist comes up to softly knock on it. It opens, but she is sitting across the room scanning through a book on her lap. “Come in.” She says, then you step through the doorway and the door closes. 

Her eyes peek up at you, her wide smile showing as she stands and runs to you. Her arms engulf your body in a hug as she rests her chin in the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry.” Her voice cracks as it comes out, you can’t help but hug her back just as tight.

You both stand there holding each other as tears flow freely down each other’s cheeks. It is almost like the Force was mending your relationship with her. She slowly pulls away to wipe under her eyes, “I’ve been looking through Master Luke’s books.” Her accent spills out as she walks over to the scribbled novel. 

“Supposedly you can float or rise from the ground during deep meditation,” She mumbles, her index finger running over the words. “It helps increase your power and strengthen your sense of the Force.” She taps the page, smiling as she looks at you. 

“I’ve done it once before. I was meditating purposely, but not floating on purpose. Kylo walked in on me. That was when I found Leia.” You rub your temple as you walk towards her to look at the book. 

“I’ve been trying to train myself, with Leia’s help, of course, to be a Jedi. It’s quite challenging.” She states as she closes the book and lays it in a bin with the others. 

“A Jedi? Doesn’t that mean you’ll be the last one?” Your eyes widen in surprise. 

“Yes... Unless Ben Solo decides to return, but I’m not sure how that would be handled.” She runs her fingers over the pages. “You’re against Jedi’s now aren’t you?” She glances up at you.

“Not exactly. I never really had an opinion on them.” You shrug. “I guess that’s better than hating them right?” She laughs softly and you just nod with a smile. 

“In those books, is there anything about uh... Force connections or hallucinations?” You mumble as you take a step forward with your eyes on the worn books. “Like a Force Bond?” She asks like she knows what you’re talking about. “Yes, that.” 

“You have one with him don’t you?” She walks up to you, her eyes wide with curiosity.

“I do. With Kylo, I see him a lot.” You look up at her and you can see the sympathy on her face.

“I used to have one with him. I severed it on Crait. I haven’t felt him since then.” You felt a pang of jealousy in your chest.

Kylo had this bond with Rey too? 

You shake away that feeling as Rey brings you to sit down, “Let’s talk more.” Her hand rests on your upper back as she leads you to sit down.

-

You and Rey talk for a very long time, mostly about what happened while you were with the First Order. Of course, before Leia interrupted and reminded you that you have to go to the med-bay for your check-up.

Rey and Leia tag along, walking with you down the cold hallways to the med bay. When you lay down on the bed they rub a wand on your abdomen that shows the child on the screen. “I see here that you’re actually carrying two.” The nurse says as he points at the black and white screen. 

“Like twins?!” You almost yelp out, your hand going over your mouth in disbelief. Leia was shocked as well, usually, she can feel those kinds of things in the Force. “Just like my brother and I.” She says as she takes your hand. “l We will help you with everything along the way.” 

-

Rey and Leia leave you to walk back to your room since they both have other matters to attend to. It was quite nice to have Rey back in your life again. She’s gonna be a great aunt— You almost laugh out loud at the thought. 

As you walk into your shared quarters, you see that Poe is sitting at the desk with a datapad in his hand, BB-8 is right next to him and Kaydel is sitting on his bed reading a book with the door wide open. 

“Hi.” You simply say to him with a small wave in front of his eyes, “Oh hey.” He glances up at you for a moment before going back to concentrating on whatever he is doing. 

“I’ve been trying to get him off of that thing but he’s doing important business.” She shrugs and motions for you to come into his room. 

Hesitatingly, you move forward and past the doorframe. Your eyes take in the space, it’s just all Poe. It looks just like yours, with the bed and wardrobe but he had Resistance memorabilia hanging on the walls. Like torn fabric from an old Republic jacket, his helmet and his own fighter gear hanging up on hooks. 

Kaydel interrupts your gazing eyes, “Can I ask you a question?” She sits up on the bed, her eyes are fixed on you. She seems too serious. 

You shrug, not really knowing what it was going to be about. 

“What was it like to live with the First Order like one of them?” She asks, making you grimace on the inside. What a random question. “It was fine? A hardworking environment. A bit tense at times.” Your fingers toy with some clutter on Poe’s dresser. 

“Were you really Kylo Ren’s apprentice? What is he like when it’s only you two together?” You can feel your insides heating up with anger, she’s just trying to bring up the past; she knows the answers to these questions. 

“Does he live up to his title? Is he as monstrous behind closed doors as he is depicted to be? Oh wait, I saw his true colors when he interrogated me after being captured. I can say that he is as despicable as everyone thinks.” She spits out like venom was seething from her mouth. 

As she opens her mouth to say more to you, your hand comes up to silence her. Her lips automatically shut from the Force. “Don’t you dare speak any more about him. You don’t even know him.” You growled, your whole face is twisted in disgust. “You don’t know what he’s been through. You have no idea.” Her hands scrambled to her throat, pulling at an unseen hand that was muting her voice box. BB-8 rolls up next to you, beeping at you to stop but you ignore the droid. 

A strong arm wraps around your waist and tugs you causing you to let go of her throat. “You dark scum!” She screams, voice hoarse. 

“What are you doing?!” Poe is screaming at you now as he practically pushes you out of the room. “You could have killed her!” His finger is pointing at you sternly.

“Poe! She was trying to get under my skin! She was bringing up the past!” You retaliated, “And no! I couldn’t have killed her, I wasn’t choking her. I just had a hold on her voice so she would just shut the hell up!” You throw your hands up in the air. 

His bedroom door closes from Kaydel slamming it, “You cannot use the Force on her! Well for one, you can’t use it out of anger. And two, you can’t use it on your friends! What is wrong with you?!” Once those words left his mouth, your mouth shuts and you go silent. He realizes what he just said, he goes to apologize but you pull away. “Don’t.” 

You walk over to your bedroom door and disappear behind it and lean against the door once it’s closed. You take deep shaky breaths to try and control your emotions but it doesn’t work. Your hand goes to your mouth as you weep silently— Hot tears stream down your face. You lost your temper, you didn’t want to hurt anyone. Especially Poe, you didn’t want him to think differently from you.

After you calm down a bit, you stand to your feet to change into some warm pajamas. Hopefully, you can sleep away these memories of today.

-

When you wake up, it isn’t by choice. Someone is pushing your body quite rough trying to wake you up. The room is dark, at first you thought it was Kylo but he wouldn’t wake you up like that. “What?” You snapped, eyes still closed. 

“Come train with me.” It’s Rey, “I think you’ll really benefit from this lesson.” She whispers her hand drops from your arm. 

You open your eyes with a groan and she wasn’t in front of you. “Meet me in the hallway near my room. I’ll bring you to where I train.” Her voice is in her head, you could swear she was right in front of you. 

Once you get up and get dressed, you pull your boots on your feet and zip them up. You wrap the black tunic around your neck that you stole from Kylo. You sneak out into the dark living area and into the vacant hallways. 

The chilly air around you made you shiver, it was much warmer in the rooms as they have more heating and insulation. 

Your hand rests on your belly as your feet bring you around a few bends until you see Rey down the hall. She jogs over to you excitedly, her staff hanging on her back. It reminds you of your own that you left behind. 

She can tell you’re getting distracted by it, “Come with me. You’ll really love the view.” She motions with her head to follow. Rey weaves and bobs down the hallways until she makes it to a man-made stone staircase that leads to who knows where. 

“It’s just up here.” She begins to climb, her legs moving faster than yours can as she skips some steps. Once you both make it to the top, your eyes scan the area. The walls are made of ice, the rising sun flowing through the chunks causing a blue glow to light up the area. 

“It’s a bit cold, but you get used to it. It’s a really good area to train. Especially meditate. It’s such a different climate from Jakku. I actually don’t mind the cold.” She rambles as she lays out her supplies; Her staff, a book, and Luke Skywalkers lightsaber. “It’s really beautiful up here. Thank you for showing me this.” Your eyes focus on the saber and she notices how you’re eyeing it. 

“Leia lets me borrow it to train. Hopefully, I can make my own someday.” She smiles. “You ready?” She asks as she opens up the Jedi book. “After I trained with Master Luke on Ahch-To, I discovered so many things. I have never been more focused or in touch with the Force.” She runs her fingers over the pages as she flips through to find something. You never got to see her after she left to find him only because you were left on Crait. 

“Ah, meditating. Here we are. We’re gonna float together but purposely this time.”

She sits down on the stone ground and you copy her. You shiver from the cold seeping through your pants as you criss-cross your legs and close your eyes. 

She puts her hand on the ground, “Feel the energy. The balance. The peace and the violence.” Her thick accent murmurs into the cold air, “Find the balance.” 

Pictures appear through your mind as you channel the Force. Animals, the hidden parts in the dark places of ice caverns, death, family and friends...

Your breathing hitches in awe when you see the sunrise and the multiple moons beginning to fade from the sky. Visions flipped through your brain, almost like you are seeing the frozen planet from another perspective. The snow is glistening and beautiful but it’s still so cold, the animals are prancing around but the circle of life still continues. 

Your eyes slowly open and for a moment you think nothing has changed but you both are floating. There are stray rocks and chunks of ice in the air, the lightsaber, and the books. Her eyes open when she notices you looking around and she smiles so wide. 

“It worked!” She laughs as she gently floats back to the ground and onto her feet. Her hand reaches out to catch a falling rock in her hand and she tosses it around. You slowly come back down to the ground and onto your feet, your body feels light and renewed. 

“You’re more than welcome to stay while I train with the saber.” She says as she summons it to her hand and turns it on. 

Your eyes focus on the bright blue hue, the calming sound of the saber was different from Kylo’s. It was almost soothing. “I think I’m gonna grab a bite to eat actually. Thank you. I’ll see you later, Rey.” You wave at her as you start to go back down the steps. 

You follow the hallways with a smile on your face and a bounce in your step, one of your hands rest on your belly as you greet everyone good morning. They look slightly confused but they still greet you with the same attitude. 

You imagine doing this on the Star Destroyer, the thought makes you laugh because mostly everyone was too serious to smile on that ship.

Once you make it to your quarters, you walk in and see that Poe’s bedroom door was wide open and so was yours. You couldn’t have been gone for more than thirty minutes? You didn’t think he would’ve woken up that early. 

You walk back out into the hallway and to the commissary to see if Poe was there. It was practically empty, the food was being turned from breakfast to lunch. You could tell by how the droids and people were preparing it. 

You make your way over to the hangar, the doors open and it’s an instant rush of cold air. Your breath comes out in puffs as you look around for his X-wing, spotting the orange and white droid you smile. Then Poe’s bright jumpsuit as slides out from underneath his ship. 

You slowly make your way over to him, your arms crossed with your hands under them to keep warm. “Hi.” You interrupt his work, his eyes look at you then back at the wires and back at you. “You’re alive? I had no idea where you went.” He sighs. He lays down his tools and wipes his gloves off on his pants. 

Poe pulls you into an unexpected hug, “I was honestly worried. Especially after everything that happened last night. I went to go check with Leia but she didn’t hear from you or Rey.” He pulls away only slightly, “You’re okay? They’re okay?” He asks looking down at your belly then back up at you, his famous smile showcases his dimple.

“Never better.” You grin as you go in for one more hug. 


End file.
